Undertow by Leigh Talbert Moore Page B

noise when it broke into pieces.
    Back inside, I made the rounds of the house gathering every piece of evidence that she existed. I found a picture of us on the sailboat hugging and smiling. I put my heel through her face. On the mantle was a shot of the three of us, my husband in the middle with his arms around us both. I almost laughed out loud at that as I slammed it against the mantle over and over.
    Glass shards flew everywhere.
    The babies will have to stay at Mama’s house until the maid comes and cleans up this mess.
    I walked over to the desk and took the top off my husband’s decanter of scotch. I’ve never been much of a drinker, so I poured a tall glass to the brim. My first big gulp burned all the way down, past my shredded heart to my trembling stomach. I coughed and continued looking for evidence of the traitor in my life.
    On the table at the foot of the stairs was a shot of the two of us wearing sombreros in Tango Sol. I threw that one as hard as I could, smashing the plate-glass mirror. Upstairs I dug through my husband’s bedside table. I was looking for a letter, a picture, any evidence of how long this had been going on right under my nose.
    The one person I trusted most in the world.
    The world’s biggest liar.
    I found his journal and tore it open. A scrap of paper fell to the floor.
    I’m pregnant. –A.
    I picked it up and read it. Then I blinked and read it again. All at once the truth slammed into me like a medicine ball straight to the gut.
    Julian’s father… Julian’s mystery father… Those bright blue eyes…
    The scream was out of my mouth before I even heard it, pulling my muscles so hard, my whole body bent in half. My heart exploded as I realized how long, how blind, how stupid I’d been. All those nights of working late… How many times had they humiliated me? Laughed at me behind my back?
    The pain ripping through my chest felt exactly like a hook had been inserted, twisted around, and jerked out fast. Never in my life have I hurt like this, not when Daddy died, not when Mama left, not even when I thought I’d lost Billy after the twins.
    I dropped to my knees as a low moan forced its way from deep inside me, as tears flooded my eyes, as I slowly curled all the way to the floor.
    She stole everything I had. My only dream.
    I will never forgive her as long as I live.
    * * *

Anna – December
     
    For a long time, all I could do was sit and stare at Meg Kyser’s final written words. Then, after many silent minutes, the book slid from my hands to the floor.
    It was quiet in my room. The only sound was the ticking of the second hand on my little clock. Time. She hated time.
    I lay my head down on the pillow listening, my stomach in knots, and tried to sort through all the thoughts swirling in my brain. I’d asked over and over what was wrong with Jack’s family? How could they be so broken, so messed up? Now I knew.
    I thought of Lucy after her overdose last fall, how hopeless she’d been. If only her mom had been here. If only she’d had a mom growing up. I wondered what kind of advice Meg Kyser would’ve given her only daughter about loneliness. I thought about Lucy and how similar she was to her mom. How much she looked like her. And how her dad did everything he could to avoid her. It all made sense now.
    I rolled over on my bed and stared at the wall for a minute. Then I reached into my nightstand drawer and pulled out the picture Lucy had taken of Jack and me at that first dance. My heart still caught when I saw his gorgeous smile and bright blue eyes, but tonight my feelings were different. Sorry.
    I remembered the old picture I’d found at the newspaper office of his mom, Mr. Kyser, Ms. LaSalle, and a bunch of their friends at Scoops when they were in high school. Jack was the perfect mixture of his parents—light blonde hair, clear blue eyes, athletic build. He was so handsome. I ran my finger down the side of his face as I gazed at the image of us together,