leave. “Going well,” he answers, never looking at me. “Are you down for the summer?” He’s speaking loudly. He knows not to do this. He knows that at any minute the kitchen light will flip on and my grandmother will be standing there with her arms crossed, sour and disapproving.
“No,” says Ethan. “Just here for the weekend.” He shoots a glance at me, to make sure Nate knows why he’s here.
Nate apparently does not see or care. He continues to ignore me. “So who else is in town?” he asks, his voice still loud in the quiet evening.
I don’t hear Ethan groan, but I feel it, as if it’s a weight that ties his feet to the ground. A second floor light goes on inside, like the sound of thunder in the distance. I watch as Nate’s eyes flicker to the light, and then to me. He barely conceals his smirk.
He did it on purpose.
It wasn’t enough that he broke my heart in the worst way possible. He’s going to find little ways to keep hurting me. And none of those little ways are nearly as painful as the fact that he wants to hurt me at all.
“I’d better go,” I say. “I think we woke her up.” And just because I’m so pissed at Nate, I place both hands on Ethan’s face and pull him in for a lingering kiss goodnight. When I pull away, Ethan looks a little dazed, and Nate is glaring at me with utter hatred. And now it’s my turn to smirk.
**
To my chagrin, Heather’s unwilling to fully cover for me the next night. “You can come over for dinner, but I’m not staying in on a Saturday!”
“It’ll be fun!” I wheedle. “Like old times. I’ll paint your nails and you can tell me all about how Teddy’s cousin touched your ass in church and tried to make it look like he was swatting something off of you.”
“Maura, that was barely interesting five years ago. And I don’t want anyone touching my nails. These are acrylics and they cost a fortune. What’s wrong with you anyway? Ethan’s your boyfriend, and you already know his parents. What’s the big deal?”
I know I can’t possibly make sense of it for her. “I just feel overwhelmed.”
So I end up with the worst of all possible worlds: I have to make polite, strained conversation at dinner with Heather’s parents, and then I still am out with Ethan, wishing I could make myself want the things that want me back.
CHAPTER 18
Signs go up around town, seemingly overnight, against the proposition to close off public access to the beach. There’s a web address listed, and I check it out when I go home. The movement is well-organized. My family and the others are under the impression that no one would dare fight them, that no one can afford to fight them, and they are wrong. At least for now.
And they have Peter Folz, my grandfather’s attorney, heading up the lawsuit. I don’t know him well, but I know that if my grandfather trusted him, it’s in good hands.
**
Nate walks into Oak that night. Our eyes lock, for just a moment, and I watch as his fill with contempt. I still can’t believe he has nothing to say to me – no explanation, no heartfelt apology. He broke my heart but acts as if I’m the villain, and it enrages me.
I focus my eyes straight ahead, but I can feel him, even when he’s not looking at me, like a heater blowing too hard from a vent. When I go to the dance floor with Heather or Kendall or one of the boys, I dance with my back to him, refusing to meet his eye, but he is everywhere regardless of where I look. My seat at the table is facing the dance floor, so I can’t avoid seeing him dancing, first with a brunette in a slutty little skirt, and later with a blonde in an even sluttier dress.
Good , I think bitterly, my hostility so sour that I can taste it. Go saddle yourself with a nice townie girl, Nate. More your speed than I ever was.
But he leaves with the second girl, his hand on her ass, and I spend the next hour gripped by emptiness before I call it a night. His car is there when I get home. I feel
“No,” says Ethan. “Just here for the weekend.” He shoots a glance at me, to make sure Nate knows why he’s here.
Nate apparently does not see or care. He continues to ignore me. “So who else is in town?” he asks, his voice still loud in the quiet evening.
I don’t hear Ethan groan, but I feel it, as if it’s a weight that ties his feet to the ground. A second floor light goes on inside, like the sound of thunder in the distance. I watch as Nate’s eyes flicker to the light, and then to me. He barely conceals his smirk.
He did it on purpose.
It wasn’t enough that he broke my heart in the worst way possible. He’s going to find little ways to keep hurting me. And none of those little ways are nearly as painful as the fact that he wants to hurt me at all.
“I’d better go,” I say. “I think we woke her up.” And just because I’m so pissed at Nate, I place both hands on Ethan’s face and pull him in for a lingering kiss goodnight. When I pull away, Ethan looks a little dazed, and Nate is glaring at me with utter hatred. And now it’s my turn to smirk.
**
To my chagrin, Heather’s unwilling to fully cover for me the next night. “You can come over for dinner, but I’m not staying in on a Saturday!”
“It’ll be fun!” I wheedle. “Like old times. I’ll paint your nails and you can tell me all about how Teddy’s cousin touched your ass in church and tried to make it look like he was swatting something off of you.”
“Maura, that was barely interesting five years ago. And I don’t want anyone touching my nails. These are acrylics and they cost a fortune. What’s wrong with you anyway? Ethan’s your boyfriend, and you already know his parents. What’s the big deal?”
I know I can’t possibly make sense of it for her. “I just feel overwhelmed.”
So I end up with the worst of all possible worlds: I have to make polite, strained conversation at dinner with Heather’s parents, and then I still am out with Ethan, wishing I could make myself want the things that want me back.
CHAPTER 18
Signs go up around town, seemingly overnight, against the proposition to close off public access to the beach. There’s a web address listed, and I check it out when I go home. The movement is well-organized. My family and the others are under the impression that no one would dare fight them, that no one can afford to fight them, and they are wrong. At least for now.
And they have Peter Folz, my grandfather’s attorney, heading up the lawsuit. I don’t know him well, but I know that if my grandfather trusted him, it’s in good hands.
**
Nate walks into Oak that night. Our eyes lock, for just a moment, and I watch as his fill with contempt. I still can’t believe he has nothing to say to me – no explanation, no heartfelt apology. He broke my heart but acts as if I’m the villain, and it enrages me.
I focus my eyes straight ahead, but I can feel him, even when he’s not looking at me, like a heater blowing too hard from a vent. When I go to the dance floor with Heather or Kendall or one of the boys, I dance with my back to him, refusing to meet his eye, but he is everywhere regardless of where I look. My seat at the table is facing the dance floor, so I can’t avoid seeing him dancing, first with a brunette in a slutty little skirt, and later with a blonde in an even sluttier dress.
Good , I think bitterly, my hostility so sour that I can taste it. Go saddle yourself with a nice townie girl, Nate. More your speed than I ever was.
But he leaves with the second girl, his hand on her ass, and I spend the next hour gripped by emptiness before I call it a night. His car is there when I get home. I feel
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