Uncle John’s True Crime by Bathroom Readers’ Institute Page B
Authors: Bathroom Readers’ Institute
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ambulance.”
—Melvin Belli
“This is New York, and there’s no law against being annoying.”
— William Kunstler
“I get paid for seeing that my clients have every break the law allows. I have knowingly defended a number of guilty men. But the guilty never escape unscathed. My fees are sufficient punishment for anyone.”
—F. Lee Bailey
“I don’t want to know what the law is, I want to know who the judge is.”
—Roy Cohn
“The ‘adversary system’ is based on the notion that if one side overstates his idea of the truth and the other side overstates his idea of the truth, then the truth will come out....Why can’t we all just tell the truth?”
—David Zapp
The CIA developed a listening device for use in Vietnam, disguised to look like tiger droppings .
GO DIRECTLY TO JAIL
Four stories of dumb crooks who saved us all a lot of trouble .
S ELF HELP
“A 22-year-old Green Bay man led police on a chase that moved as slowly as 20 mph and ended in the Brown County Jail’s parking lot. The man parked his pickup in the jail’s lot, smoked a cigarette, got out of the truck, and lay face-down on the ground to be arrested, police said. He told the officers he knew he was drunk and was going to be sent to jail, so he just drove himself there.”
—Milwaukee Journal Sentinel
SUPPLY-SIDE ECONOMICS
“Sylvain Boucher of Quebec was spotted by prison guards standing between the prison wall and an outer fence. Assuming he was trying to escape, they grabbed him, but soon discovered he was not an inmate...and he was carrying a large amount of illegal drugs. Boucher was trying to break in , thinking the prison would be a good market for his drugs. He’ll get to find out. Before he had the supply, but no market. Now he has the market, but no supply.”
—Moreland’s Bozo of the Day
IS THIS WHY THEY CALL IT “DOPE”?
“Philomena A. Palestini, 18, of Portland, Maine, walked into Salem District Court to face one criminal charge, but walked out in handcuffs with two. Court Security Officer Ronald Lesperance found a hypodermic needle and two small bags of what police believe is heroin in her purse as she walked through the security checkpoint. ‘This doesn’t happen very often,’ said Lesperance.”
—Eagle Tribune
THE “IN” CROWD
“A man who tried to break into a Rideau correctional center with drugs and tobacco was sentenced to two years in prison yesterday. Shane Walker, 23, was believed to be bringing drugs to a jailed friend last week when he was foiled by corrections workers who heard bolt-cutters snapping the wire fence and apprehended him.”
—The National Post
Sherlock Holmes’s nemesis, Professor Moriarty, was based on real-life criminal Adam Worth .
THE GREAT DIAMOND HOAX OF 1872, PART I
Most stories have the moral at the end. But we’ll put it right up front: If it seems too good to be true, it probably is .
N IGHT DEPOSIT
One evening in February 1871, George Roberts, a prominent San Francisco businessman, was working in his office when two men came to his door. One of them, Philip Arnold, had once worked for Roberts; the other was named John Slack. Arnold produced a small leather bag and explained that it contained something very valuable; as soon as the Bank of California opened in the morning, he was going to have them lock it in the vault for safekeeping.
Arnold and Slack made a show of not wanting to reveal what was in the bag, but eventually told Roberts that it contained “rough diamonds” they’d found while prospecting on a mesa somewhere in the West. They wouldn’t say where the mesa was, but they did say it was the richest mineral deposit they’d ever seen in their lives: The site was rich not only in diamonds, but also in sapphires, emeralds, rubies, and other precious stones.
The story sounded too good to be true, but when Arnold dumped the contents of the bag onto Roberts’s desk, out spilled dozens of uncut diamonds and other gems.
PAY DIRT
If
—Melvin Belli
“This is New York, and there’s no law against being annoying.”
— William Kunstler
“I get paid for seeing that my clients have every break the law allows. I have knowingly defended a number of guilty men. But the guilty never escape unscathed. My fees are sufficient punishment for anyone.”
—F. Lee Bailey
“I don’t want to know what the law is, I want to know who the judge is.”
—Roy Cohn
“The ‘adversary system’ is based on the notion that if one side overstates his idea of the truth and the other side overstates his idea of the truth, then the truth will come out....Why can’t we all just tell the truth?”
—David Zapp
The CIA developed a listening device for use in Vietnam, disguised to look like tiger droppings .
GO DIRECTLY TO JAIL
Four stories of dumb crooks who saved us all a lot of trouble .
S ELF HELP
“A 22-year-old Green Bay man led police on a chase that moved as slowly as 20 mph and ended in the Brown County Jail’s parking lot. The man parked his pickup in the jail’s lot, smoked a cigarette, got out of the truck, and lay face-down on the ground to be arrested, police said. He told the officers he knew he was drunk and was going to be sent to jail, so he just drove himself there.”
—Milwaukee Journal Sentinel
SUPPLY-SIDE ECONOMICS
“Sylvain Boucher of Quebec was spotted by prison guards standing between the prison wall and an outer fence. Assuming he was trying to escape, they grabbed him, but soon discovered he was not an inmate...and he was carrying a large amount of illegal drugs. Boucher was trying to break in , thinking the prison would be a good market for his drugs. He’ll get to find out. Before he had the supply, but no market. Now he has the market, but no supply.”
—Moreland’s Bozo of the Day
IS THIS WHY THEY CALL IT “DOPE”?
“Philomena A. Palestini, 18, of Portland, Maine, walked into Salem District Court to face one criminal charge, but walked out in handcuffs with two. Court Security Officer Ronald Lesperance found a hypodermic needle and two small bags of what police believe is heroin in her purse as she walked through the security checkpoint. ‘This doesn’t happen very often,’ said Lesperance.”
—Eagle Tribune
THE “IN” CROWD
“A man who tried to break into a Rideau correctional center with drugs and tobacco was sentenced to two years in prison yesterday. Shane Walker, 23, was believed to be bringing drugs to a jailed friend last week when he was foiled by corrections workers who heard bolt-cutters snapping the wire fence and apprehended him.”
—The National Post
Sherlock Holmes’s nemesis, Professor Moriarty, was based on real-life criminal Adam Worth .
THE GREAT DIAMOND HOAX OF 1872, PART I
Most stories have the moral at the end. But we’ll put it right up front: If it seems too good to be true, it probably is .
N IGHT DEPOSIT
One evening in February 1871, George Roberts, a prominent San Francisco businessman, was working in his office when two men came to his door. One of them, Philip Arnold, had once worked for Roberts; the other was named John Slack. Arnold produced a small leather bag and explained that it contained something very valuable; as soon as the Bank of California opened in the morning, he was going to have them lock it in the vault for safekeeping.
Arnold and Slack made a show of not wanting to reveal what was in the bag, but eventually told Roberts that it contained “rough diamonds” they’d found while prospecting on a mesa somewhere in the West. They wouldn’t say where the mesa was, but they did say it was the richest mineral deposit they’d ever seen in their lives: The site was rich not only in diamonds, but also in sapphires, emeralds, rubies, and other precious stones.
The story sounded too good to be true, but when Arnold dumped the contents of the bag onto Roberts’s desk, out spilled dozens of uncut diamonds and other gems.
PAY DIRT
If
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