but…“You won’t put that in my file, will you?”
She laughed, a deep, joyful sound. “No, Sorchere. Your secret is safe with me. No need to speak further of it. Though I wonder.”
“What?”
She shook her head. “I was going to ask whether he’s ever tried to take some of your power into himself, to ease your burden.”
“Is that possible?”
“It’s not completely unheard of, but it wouldn’t have worked unless he had a skill for stealing it. You see, if his magic was fully replenished, he’d have no way to take yours on. And yours would have recovered.” She shrugged. “Now tell me, have you given any further thought to trying a wand or spoken-word direction? I saw in your notes you discussed it with Albion. It might help you channel this excess power, take some of the pressure off.”
The change in direction caught me off guard, as did her willingness to keep my secret. “I’ve thought about it. I think I’m going to keep trying without.”
“Oh?” No judgment in her voice, but some surprise.
“I know it might be easier that way, but...” I sat on a student desk and twisted my fingers together on my lap.
“Is it because of Aren? He seemed to have quite rigid ideas about what qualifies as real magic. You’re afraid he’ll think less of you?”
“Not that, exactly. It’s more the fact that even after all this time, he still thinks I’m capable of doing this on my own. When he was here I felt pressured, like I wouldn’t be good enough for him if I took a shortcut. But now that I’ve had some space and time to think about it, I agree with him. Not that I should be ashamed of needing help, but that I am strong enough to do this on my own, if I can figure out how.”
“Ah. So you’re saying he was right, but he was being too much of an ass about it for you to see that?”
I laughed then for the first time since Aren had left. “Something like that. He’s what we call a hard case back at home, but I—” I paused. “Well.”
Griselda’s smile disappeared. “I know. It wouldn’t be appropriate for me to tell you I’m sorry for what you’ve lost, as I’m your teacher and claim no knowledge of any intimate relationship, as we have not discussed that here today. But I understand.” She leaned in and bumped me with a shoulder. “If you need anything, you come to me. Privately, of course.” The clang of the massive bell in the yard filled the room, and my stomach rumbled in response. Griselda ignored the bell. “The other thing I notice is how you speak of your magic as though it’s separate from you.”
“Is that wrong?”
“Not wrong, exactly, just odd. Describing your own magic should be like describing how your blood feels when it flows through your veins, unless you’re specifically calling on it. I wonder if there’s a disconnect between you and your magic. Between that and the size of it, I can see where you’d be having problems.”
“That’s good to know, I suppose.” I’d never spoken of that to anyone. I hadn’t thought to. I still had so much to learn.
The lunch bell clanged again. Griselda stood and stretched, then slipped into the leather jacket that hung from the back of one of the desk chairs in the front row. “We’ll figure it out. We Sorceresses must stick together. For what it’s worth, I think you’re making the right decision about the wands and such. We’ll meet soon and try illusions again. Something simpler. We’ll see if there’s anything to what happened with that water, too. Have you had success there before?”
“Not exactly.”
“Your natural talents may just need time to manifest. Things will improve once you connect with your magic a little better.” She reached out and patted my shoulder. “You’ll get there. We’re already making progress.”
I gave her a few minutes’ head start. The fact that I was getting private lessons from the professors wasn’t a secret, but some students weren’t pleased with a
She laughed, a deep, joyful sound. “No, Sorchere. Your secret is safe with me. No need to speak further of it. Though I wonder.”
“What?”
She shook her head. “I was going to ask whether he’s ever tried to take some of your power into himself, to ease your burden.”
“Is that possible?”
“It’s not completely unheard of, but it wouldn’t have worked unless he had a skill for stealing it. You see, if his magic was fully replenished, he’d have no way to take yours on. And yours would have recovered.” She shrugged. “Now tell me, have you given any further thought to trying a wand or spoken-word direction? I saw in your notes you discussed it with Albion. It might help you channel this excess power, take some of the pressure off.”
The change in direction caught me off guard, as did her willingness to keep my secret. “I’ve thought about it. I think I’m going to keep trying without.”
“Oh?” No judgment in her voice, but some surprise.
“I know it might be easier that way, but...” I sat on a student desk and twisted my fingers together on my lap.
“Is it because of Aren? He seemed to have quite rigid ideas about what qualifies as real magic. You’re afraid he’ll think less of you?”
“Not that, exactly. It’s more the fact that even after all this time, he still thinks I’m capable of doing this on my own. When he was here I felt pressured, like I wouldn’t be good enough for him if I took a shortcut. But now that I’ve had some space and time to think about it, I agree with him. Not that I should be ashamed of needing help, but that I am strong enough to do this on my own, if I can figure out how.”
“Ah. So you’re saying he was right, but he was being too much of an ass about it for you to see that?”
I laughed then for the first time since Aren had left. “Something like that. He’s what we call a hard case back at home, but I—” I paused. “Well.”
Griselda’s smile disappeared. “I know. It wouldn’t be appropriate for me to tell you I’m sorry for what you’ve lost, as I’m your teacher and claim no knowledge of any intimate relationship, as we have not discussed that here today. But I understand.” She leaned in and bumped me with a shoulder. “If you need anything, you come to me. Privately, of course.” The clang of the massive bell in the yard filled the room, and my stomach rumbled in response. Griselda ignored the bell. “The other thing I notice is how you speak of your magic as though it’s separate from you.”
“Is that wrong?”
“Not wrong, exactly, just odd. Describing your own magic should be like describing how your blood feels when it flows through your veins, unless you’re specifically calling on it. I wonder if there’s a disconnect between you and your magic. Between that and the size of it, I can see where you’d be having problems.”
“That’s good to know, I suppose.” I’d never spoken of that to anyone. I hadn’t thought to. I still had so much to learn.
The lunch bell clanged again. Griselda stood and stretched, then slipped into the leather jacket that hung from the back of one of the desk chairs in the front row. “We’ll figure it out. We Sorceresses must stick together. For what it’s worth, I think you’re making the right decision about the wands and such. We’ll meet soon and try illusions again. Something simpler. We’ll see if there’s anything to what happened with that water, too. Have you had success there before?”
“Not exactly.”
“Your natural talents may just need time to manifest. Things will improve once you connect with your magic a little better.” She reached out and patted my shoulder. “You’ll get there. We’re already making progress.”
I gave her a few minutes’ head start. The fact that I was getting private lessons from the professors wasn’t a secret, but some students weren’t pleased with a
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