Tom Houghton by Todd Alexander Page B

put two and two together – I had stopped in for a burger on the way home last night too. Fuck knows what state I was in or what I said to her.
    Lexi had left a message on my phone also asking if I was feeling better, telling me that she was still out and I should call her mobile the second I got in, don’t worry about the time.
    â€˜Have you recovered?’ she asked by way of answering.
    â€˜I’m on the way. I take it that thirty-minute call was with you last night?’
    â€˜Oh Dad, you don’t remember anything? Nothing at all?’
    â€˜I’m afraid my fortieth was a rather large affair, not at all what I had planned.’
    â€˜Well, I could obviously tell you were McStonkered but I didn’t think you’d entered the vortex.’
    â€˜Where are you?’ I tried to veer away from me as the major topic.
    â€˜At a mate’s place. We’re doing a movie marathon, and have promised each other we will not go to sleep all night. Isn’t that right, Rudder?’ she said to somebody else. Male voice in the background. ‘Not long to go now.’
    â€˜You didn’t tell me you were going to Egypt . . .’
    â€˜Oh ye gods, not this again. We discussed this last night, Thomas.’
    â€˜Indulge me then,’ I said. ‘What did you say?’
    â€˜I said, “Well, we’re not exactly best friends, Father,” and then you started crying like a Greek widow.’
    â€˜I did not.’
    â€˜Ah, hello? Vortex? Why the fuck would I make something like that up?’
    â€˜In what other ways did I offend you?’
    â€˜Don’t be precious, Thomas. You were hilarious for ninety-nine per cent of our little chat, when you weren’t whimpering about D-man, that is . . .’
    â€˜I don’t whimper!’ Or as Martha would have proclaimed: I don’t bray!
    â€˜Pathetic you were, old man. I’ve heard nothing like it ever before, nor hope I ever hear it again. So anyways, I just wanted to make sure you’re still alive.’
    â€˜Just . . .’
    â€˜Coz I would have hated to be the last person you spoke to before you topped yourself. You know, all the police calls, forcing me to fly home, identify the body, et cetera.’
    â€˜Oh, you are all heart, you are, thank you, Lexi.’
    â€˜Dad . . . you went on one of your Lou rants last night . . .’
    â€˜Oh . . .’
    â€˜They’re getting pretty tiresome, I have to say.’
    â€˜Hmm . . .’
    â€˜Don’t you think it’s ironic that you’re angry at her for overdosing in front of me and leaving me when you also left me?’
    She had a point, and of course I had thought about this before. ‘I thought leaving you was the best possible thing for you, Lexi. I wasn’t much of a dad, wasn’t cut out for that kind of thing.’
    â€˜You may not have chosen to have a child, I’ll grant that, but you did choose to fuck my mother even though you were gay, and you did it without wearing a condom, presumably, so don’t you think you’d better harden the fuck up and at least take ownership? You know, deal with the consequences of your actions?’
    â€˜Consequences?’ I reached for another beer.
    â€˜Jesus! Me, Dad,’ she delivered deadpan. ‘I’m referring to me.’
    â€˜Look, it’s more complicated than you think. I didn’t exactly choose to be with your mother. With Lou, our river ran very deep indeed and I never meant for you to be swayed by my feelings towards her . . .’
    Lexi let out a strange little snort. ‘You’re giving yourself way too much credit. It’s not my opinion of my mother that changes when you’re on one of your raves, it’s only my opinion of you.’
    â€˜Ouch.’
    â€˜So yeah, anyways, my mates are waiting for me. You’ve interrupted Nurse Ratched’s