if Flatface ever got confused.
But mostly he thought about Charm and all her special qualities.
The way she could make slugs laugh, even while Goliath was eating them.
The way she let smaller kids go before her on the mud slide, even though at least one of them always did a poo in the mud from excitement.
The way she always said sorry if she lost her temper and tried to stab you with a mosquito.
“Oh, Charm,” whispered Limpy. “I miss you.”
He wished he could do that thing humans did with their eyes when they were sad, because it seemed to make them feel better.
Instead he picked up Charm's necklace and looked at it sorrowfully. After a while, he noticed that the dried mouse eyes seemed to be looking back at him just as sorrowfully.
“You got a bit carried away back there, didn't you?” they seemed to be saying. They seemed to be saying it in Aunty Pru's voice.
Limpy nodded.
“You're right,” he said. “I did. I wanted to kill every human in the world. And that was a mistake. I should have just tried to kill every human that has ever driven a bulldozer or built a bulldozer or sold a bulldozer or repaired a bulldozer or cleaned the condensation off the inside of the windscreen of a bulldozer.”
“And how would that have made you feel?” asked Aunty Pru's voice in Limpy's head.
“Great,” said Limpy. “Even better than beating Uncle George at mucus-twirling.”
Inside Limpy, Aunty Pru seemed to sigh.
Limpy realized it wasn't her, it was him.
“But I wouldn't have felt great for long,” said Limpy quietly. “Because Charm would still be dead. And so would you, Aunty Pru.”
Aunty Pru's voice didn't say anything.
It didn't have to.
Limpy knew that if she was here, she'd be smiling at him sadly and nodding.
He held the necklace for a moment more, then kissed it and dropped it into the empty grave. He covered it over and gently patted the soil with his hands.
“Bye, Charm,” he whispered. “I'm going to finish our quest.”
Then he went to find Goliath.
Goliath was in the forest, having trouble with his special rescue unit.
“No!” He was yelling at a platoon of ribbon worms.
“You do not march like that. Marching is keeping in step. If you don't keep in step, it's not marching.”
“But we can't keep in step,” said one of the ribbon worms.
“How many times do I have to tell you?” yelled Goliath. “Call me sir. We can't keep in step,
sir.
Anyway, why can't you keep in step? Give me one good reason.”
“We haven't got feet, sir,” said the ribbon worm.
“This is pathetic!” roared Goliath. “At this rate my cousin's going to be a prisoner for the rest of his life!”
Limpy tapped Goliath on the shoulder.
“Goliath,” he said. “It's OK. I'm free. Now we can get on with our quest.”
Goliath sighed crossly, glaring at the ribbon worms.“Limpy, not now,” he said. “I'm trying to train a rescue unit. Stack me, look at that. Those butterflies haven't got the faintest idea how to crawl through the mud on their bellies.”
“Goliath,” said Limpy. “I'm free.”
“Call yourself a special rescue unit?” Goliath was yelling at the butterflies. “It's pathetic.”
Then Goliath spun round and stared at Limpy, his big warty face lighting up with amazement and delight.
“Limpy,” he croaked. “You're free.”
The ribbon worms and butterflies all applauded.
Limpy gripped Goliath's arm.
“Come on,” he said. “We've wasted enough time. We've got to get back to searching for the ancient secret of friendship with humans.”
Goliath was looking doubtful.
“What about blowing up the bulldozers?” he said.“And the bulldozer drivers’ lunchboxes?”
Limpy took a deep breath. It wouldn't be fair to get cross with Goliath. Not after all the effort he'd put into training his rescue unit.
“There are other humans here,” said Limpy. “In a village. One of them rescued me. The others look pretty friendly too. I think we might be getting closer to the
But mostly he thought about Charm and all her special qualities.
The way she could make slugs laugh, even while Goliath was eating them.
The way she let smaller kids go before her on the mud slide, even though at least one of them always did a poo in the mud from excitement.
The way she always said sorry if she lost her temper and tried to stab you with a mosquito.
“Oh, Charm,” whispered Limpy. “I miss you.”
He wished he could do that thing humans did with their eyes when they were sad, because it seemed to make them feel better.
Instead he picked up Charm's necklace and looked at it sorrowfully. After a while, he noticed that the dried mouse eyes seemed to be looking back at him just as sorrowfully.
“You got a bit carried away back there, didn't you?” they seemed to be saying. They seemed to be saying it in Aunty Pru's voice.
Limpy nodded.
“You're right,” he said. “I did. I wanted to kill every human in the world. And that was a mistake. I should have just tried to kill every human that has ever driven a bulldozer or built a bulldozer or sold a bulldozer or repaired a bulldozer or cleaned the condensation off the inside of the windscreen of a bulldozer.”
“And how would that have made you feel?” asked Aunty Pru's voice in Limpy's head.
“Great,” said Limpy. “Even better than beating Uncle George at mucus-twirling.”
Inside Limpy, Aunty Pru seemed to sigh.
Limpy realized it wasn't her, it was him.
“But I wouldn't have felt great for long,” said Limpy quietly. “Because Charm would still be dead. And so would you, Aunty Pru.”
Aunty Pru's voice didn't say anything.
It didn't have to.
Limpy knew that if she was here, she'd be smiling at him sadly and nodding.
He held the necklace for a moment more, then kissed it and dropped it into the empty grave. He covered it over and gently patted the soil with his hands.
“Bye, Charm,” he whispered. “I'm going to finish our quest.”
Then he went to find Goliath.
Goliath was in the forest, having trouble with his special rescue unit.
“No!” He was yelling at a platoon of ribbon worms.
“You do not march like that. Marching is keeping in step. If you don't keep in step, it's not marching.”
“But we can't keep in step,” said one of the ribbon worms.
“How many times do I have to tell you?” yelled Goliath. “Call me sir. We can't keep in step,
sir.
Anyway, why can't you keep in step? Give me one good reason.”
“We haven't got feet, sir,” said the ribbon worm.
“This is pathetic!” roared Goliath. “At this rate my cousin's going to be a prisoner for the rest of his life!”
Limpy tapped Goliath on the shoulder.
“Goliath,” he said. “It's OK. I'm free. Now we can get on with our quest.”
Goliath sighed crossly, glaring at the ribbon worms.“Limpy, not now,” he said. “I'm trying to train a rescue unit. Stack me, look at that. Those butterflies haven't got the faintest idea how to crawl through the mud on their bellies.”
“Goliath,” said Limpy. “I'm free.”
“Call yourself a special rescue unit?” Goliath was yelling at the butterflies. “It's pathetic.”
Then Goliath spun round and stared at Limpy, his big warty face lighting up with amazement and delight.
“Limpy,” he croaked. “You're free.”
The ribbon worms and butterflies all applauded.
Limpy gripped Goliath's arm.
“Come on,” he said. “We've wasted enough time. We've got to get back to searching for the ancient secret of friendship with humans.”
Goliath was looking doubtful.
“What about blowing up the bulldozers?” he said.“And the bulldozer drivers’ lunchboxes?”
Limpy took a deep breath. It wouldn't be fair to get cross with Goliath. Not after all the effort he'd put into training his rescue unit.
“There are other humans here,” said Limpy. “In a village. One of them rescued me. The others look pretty friendly too. I think we might be getting closer to the
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