knew it would sound stupid but he was so angry that the words came flying out of his mouth like jet-propelled venom. “We’re going to be rich, you stupid Mumps! We’re going to be so rich that it will make your eyes spin and you’ll wish you had been nicer to us!” Both Hurley and Mr. Mump started to laugh. “You’ll see.”
“What are you going to do?” Hurley asked, mocking fear. “Sell your house to a garbage collector?”
“I’ve had it with those Mumps,” Boom said, slamming the bathroom window. He leaned over the tub, as close to the merbaby as he could without getting bit or spit at. “I want my wish right now! I hate Hurley Mump. I want you to turn him into a . . .”
The baby was clearly listening. She dropped the eel, lifted out of the water on an erect tail, and folded her arms across her chest. Suddenly, Boom felt as though he faced a python that was about to strike him right between the eyes. He moved away from the tub and sat down in the sand. The merbaby lowered herself back into the water.
Boom had almost wasted a wish on Hurley.
“Hurley Mump’s a great big jerk,” Mertyle said, patting Boom on the shoulder. She gathered up the baby in a towel and took her back to their bedroom.
At that moment, a universal truth came to Boom — that great big jerks don’t deserve to be turned into anything else. They deserve to spend the rest of their lives as Great Big Jerks.
Boom squeezed sand between his fingers.
I’ll show those Mumps,
he vowed.
Chapter Seventeen:
The Strange Drawing
I t was dinnertime, Saturday night. Just a day had passed since Boom had brought the merbaby home. Forget about the saying that Rome wasn’t built in a day. So much can happen in twenty-four hours. Reality itself can change.
Boom sat at the kitchen table, slurping a spoonful of chowder. The concoction contained more fish tails than usual, and something that looked like an eyeball floated at the surface. Despite the questionable ingredients, Boom ate because he felt famished. So much to do, so much to manage and worry about. He was burning calories like a racehorse. It was one thing to hide a sea creature in a bedroom, but it was another thing entirely to hide a banana tree that was sticking out through a roof. How would he explain
that
to Halvor? He had tried to sweep out all the sand but had managed only to track it down the stairs. And to make matters worse, the seagull that had pecked at his sock was making a nest on top of the refrigerator with bits of toilet paper and string. Boom took another slurp, hoping to energize his brain cells.
Think, think.
But when the dinner hour had passed, Halvor had still not yet returned from his errands. Mertyle wandered -downstairs with the baby bundled like a papoose in a pink blanket. She dipped a ladle into Halvor’s chowder and fed the fish eyeballs to the merbaby, who gobbled them up like they were scrumptious bits of floating marshmallow. So greedily did she eat that she gagged on one of the gelatinous orbs. Boom was afraid he might have to perform the Heimlich maneuver, but the baby managed to hack the eyeball free. It flew out of the tongueless mouth and landed in Boom’s bowl.
“It did that on purpose,” Boom accused, quick to notice the sly green smile.
“That’s ridiculous,” Mertyle defended. “She was choking.”
“Maybe. But in this entire kitchen, don’t you think it’s weird that the one place the coughed-up eyeball landed was in
my
bowl? That thing hates me.”
“She’s not a thing. She’s a baby.” Mertyle patted the blanket. “Poor little merbaby.” She took a napkin and wiped the green mouth.
Boom couldn’t tell whether he felt angry that he was being left out, or jealous that he was being left out. What did Mertyle have that he didn’t have? Besides the fact that she was female, like the baby. If that was the reason the baby didn’t like him, then that was a matter of discrimination, which, Boom was pretty sure, was against
“What are you going to do?” Hurley asked, mocking fear. “Sell your house to a garbage collector?”
“I’ve had it with those Mumps,” Boom said, slamming the bathroom window. He leaned over the tub, as close to the merbaby as he could without getting bit or spit at. “I want my wish right now! I hate Hurley Mump. I want you to turn him into a . . .”
The baby was clearly listening. She dropped the eel, lifted out of the water on an erect tail, and folded her arms across her chest. Suddenly, Boom felt as though he faced a python that was about to strike him right between the eyes. He moved away from the tub and sat down in the sand. The merbaby lowered herself back into the water.
Boom had almost wasted a wish on Hurley.
“Hurley Mump’s a great big jerk,” Mertyle said, patting Boom on the shoulder. She gathered up the baby in a towel and took her back to their bedroom.
At that moment, a universal truth came to Boom — that great big jerks don’t deserve to be turned into anything else. They deserve to spend the rest of their lives as Great Big Jerks.
Boom squeezed sand between his fingers.
I’ll show those Mumps,
he vowed.
Chapter Seventeen:
The Strange Drawing
I t was dinnertime, Saturday night. Just a day had passed since Boom had brought the merbaby home. Forget about the saying that Rome wasn’t built in a day. So much can happen in twenty-four hours. Reality itself can change.
Boom sat at the kitchen table, slurping a spoonful of chowder. The concoction contained more fish tails than usual, and something that looked like an eyeball floated at the surface. Despite the questionable ingredients, Boom ate because he felt famished. So much to do, so much to manage and worry about. He was burning calories like a racehorse. It was one thing to hide a sea creature in a bedroom, but it was another thing entirely to hide a banana tree that was sticking out through a roof. How would he explain
that
to Halvor? He had tried to sweep out all the sand but had managed only to track it down the stairs. And to make matters worse, the seagull that had pecked at his sock was making a nest on top of the refrigerator with bits of toilet paper and string. Boom took another slurp, hoping to energize his brain cells.
Think, think.
But when the dinner hour had passed, Halvor had still not yet returned from his errands. Mertyle wandered -downstairs with the baby bundled like a papoose in a pink blanket. She dipped a ladle into Halvor’s chowder and fed the fish eyeballs to the merbaby, who gobbled them up like they were scrumptious bits of floating marshmallow. So greedily did she eat that she gagged on one of the gelatinous orbs. Boom was afraid he might have to perform the Heimlich maneuver, but the baby managed to hack the eyeball free. It flew out of the tongueless mouth and landed in Boom’s bowl.
“It did that on purpose,” Boom accused, quick to notice the sly green smile.
“That’s ridiculous,” Mertyle defended. “She was choking.”
“Maybe. But in this entire kitchen, don’t you think it’s weird that the one place the coughed-up eyeball landed was in
my
bowl? That thing hates me.”
“She’s not a thing. She’s a baby.” Mertyle patted the blanket. “Poor little merbaby.” She took a napkin and wiped the green mouth.
Boom couldn’t tell whether he felt angry that he was being left out, or jealous that he was being left out. What did Mertyle have that he didn’t have? Besides the fact that she was female, like the baby. If that was the reason the baby didn’t like him, then that was a matter of discrimination, which, Boom was pretty sure, was against
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