don’t think that’s such a good idea …”
“Of course it’s a good idea! But you’re right. They’re not going to believe just one girl. Little old me isn’t going to be enough. But you could come down with me. Tell them about what happened to you!” Mia’s up and moving now, pacing with excitement. “You were the one who got bitten. They’d be more likely to listen to you.” She stills. “And I’m sure you’re not the only one! There’s got to be others. Others who’ve been hurt. Others who know the truth. We could find them. Gwen Lewis will have to listen then!”
I don’t know what to do. I’m not going down to the Order of the Righteous Hand of God and I really don’t want Mia to either. But how do I derail her without making her mad? How do I tell her no without hurting her feelings? I’m at a loss and I don’t like the way it feels.
Mia pauses and studies my face. “You’re not into this, are you?”
I say the first thing that pops into my head. “I just don’t think I’m ready. I haven’t even told you about what happened to me.”
It’s broad, and it’s vague, and it’s at least part way true. Will she buy it? Is it enough to stop her?
“But think of all the people you could be helping.” She’s careful with her words and her tone, gentle, as if she knows she’s walking out past the safe zone.
If I told her I wanted to be bitten, would that change her mind? If I told her that Thomas, the man I’d just declared the love of my life, was the vampire that bit me, would that keep her away from the Order? Show her that not all vampires are bad? That, just like men, some might hurt you, but others will protect you? If I opened up and shared the whole story of everything that’s happened to me since the day I burned those cupcakes, would that change anything? If I tell her the truth, let her in, trust her as I’ve trusted Thomas, will that help her hop off the crazy train?
Mia’s being patient. Maybe she’s watching me struggle with all the questions, assuming that I’m wrestling with the decision to go down to the Order. She’s always given me the space I needed to be me, put up with all my prickly parts, been there when I needed her, but never pushed me to give her more than I was ready to give. She’s so much better than me and deserves such a better friend.
I take a breath, still not sure what will come out when I speak. Maybe it’ll be the truth. Maybe it won’t. I hear myself say: “I don’t want to go.” My voice is leaden, heavy with disappointment in myself. Am I that set in my ways? That desperate to keep people at a distance that I can’t even open up when my best friend needs me too?
“I understand.” Mia’s voice is quiet. Resigned, yet understanding. “But just think about it, ok? It’d be good for you to tell someone, even if it’s not me. I never have to know, ok? But eventually, you’re gonna have to get it out or it’s gonna eat you up. Maybe telling a stranger, someone at the Order, maybe that’ll be easier for you.” She smiles, it’s sad and it’s sweet and I hate myself for not being able to share with her. For keeping my secrets from her. “And maybe, if you tell your story, you can help others in your same situation.”
Mia hugs me, thanks me for letting her in, tells me how much she’s missed me, and promises to come by later. The note from Thomas has been poking my thigh all morning. I pull it out and run my finger across the crimson fingerprint. If he were here now, what would he say? Would he tell me to be honest with Mia? To call her and tell her everything and beg her to stay away from the Order? Or would he tell me I did the right thing, hiding from her like this?
I’ve opened myself up to Thomas. He’s inside my inner walls, and it’s the most beautiful and terrifying thing I’ve ever felt. He knows me and I trust him and that feels good. But I’m vulnerable to him. If he leaves me, or betrays me, it’s gonna
“Of course it’s a good idea! But you’re right. They’re not going to believe just one girl. Little old me isn’t going to be enough. But you could come down with me. Tell them about what happened to you!” Mia’s up and moving now, pacing with excitement. “You were the one who got bitten. They’d be more likely to listen to you.” She stills. “And I’m sure you’re not the only one! There’s got to be others. Others who’ve been hurt. Others who know the truth. We could find them. Gwen Lewis will have to listen then!”
I don’t know what to do. I’m not going down to the Order of the Righteous Hand of God and I really don’t want Mia to either. But how do I derail her without making her mad? How do I tell her no without hurting her feelings? I’m at a loss and I don’t like the way it feels.
Mia pauses and studies my face. “You’re not into this, are you?”
I say the first thing that pops into my head. “I just don’t think I’m ready. I haven’t even told you about what happened to me.”
It’s broad, and it’s vague, and it’s at least part way true. Will she buy it? Is it enough to stop her?
“But think of all the people you could be helping.” She’s careful with her words and her tone, gentle, as if she knows she’s walking out past the safe zone.
If I told her I wanted to be bitten, would that change her mind? If I told her that Thomas, the man I’d just declared the love of my life, was the vampire that bit me, would that keep her away from the Order? Show her that not all vampires are bad? That, just like men, some might hurt you, but others will protect you? If I opened up and shared the whole story of everything that’s happened to me since the day I burned those cupcakes, would that change anything? If I tell her the truth, let her in, trust her as I’ve trusted Thomas, will that help her hop off the crazy train?
Mia’s being patient. Maybe she’s watching me struggle with all the questions, assuming that I’m wrestling with the decision to go down to the Order. She’s always given me the space I needed to be me, put up with all my prickly parts, been there when I needed her, but never pushed me to give her more than I was ready to give. She’s so much better than me and deserves such a better friend.
I take a breath, still not sure what will come out when I speak. Maybe it’ll be the truth. Maybe it won’t. I hear myself say: “I don’t want to go.” My voice is leaden, heavy with disappointment in myself. Am I that set in my ways? That desperate to keep people at a distance that I can’t even open up when my best friend needs me too?
“I understand.” Mia’s voice is quiet. Resigned, yet understanding. “But just think about it, ok? It’d be good for you to tell someone, even if it’s not me. I never have to know, ok? But eventually, you’re gonna have to get it out or it’s gonna eat you up. Maybe telling a stranger, someone at the Order, maybe that’ll be easier for you.” She smiles, it’s sad and it’s sweet and I hate myself for not being able to share with her. For keeping my secrets from her. “And maybe, if you tell your story, you can help others in your same situation.”
Mia hugs me, thanks me for letting her in, tells me how much she’s missed me, and promises to come by later. The note from Thomas has been poking my thigh all morning. I pull it out and run my finger across the crimson fingerprint. If he were here now, what would he say? Would he tell me to be honest with Mia? To call her and tell her everything and beg her to stay away from the Order? Or would he tell me I did the right thing, hiding from her like this?
I’ve opened myself up to Thomas. He’s inside my inner walls, and it’s the most beautiful and terrifying thing I’ve ever felt. He knows me and I trust him and that feels good. But I’m vulnerable to him. If he leaves me, or betrays me, it’s gonna
Similar Books
