Thunder Running by Rebecca Crowley Page A

himself, frowning as he seemed to give the matter serious consideration. Chance had to bite back a smile. He expected no less from the scholarly, earnest officer.
    When Ethan finally spoke his tone was thoughtful. “You’re leaving to join Alpha Company in about two weeks, aren’t you?”
    Chance nodded.
    â€œWhere do you want the relationship to be at that point?”
    He bit his lower lip while he reflected on his answer. “I want to know she’s committed. I want to be sure she’ll stick with me, and that we can pick things up again when I get back. Right now I’m worried she’s thinking about leaving. The whole deployment thing has been pretty overwhelming. Everything was going so well, then suddenly it’s like she woke up and realized she’d be here for six months, by herself, while I’m thousands of miles away getting shot at.”
    â€œShe’s right.”
    He nodded sheepishly. “I know. And at the beginning, I prepared myself that she’d probably be out the door as soon as it all hit home. I never expected that I wouldn’t want her to. Not this badly, anyway.”
    â€œHave you told her you want her to stay?”
    â€œNot in so many words.”
    â€œWhy not?”
    Chance shrugged. “Didn’t think it needed to be said.”
    â€œTrust me, it does.”
    â€œI don’t know.” He shifted in his chair. “What if she doesn’t feel the same? What if she leaves anyway?”
    â€œThen she leaves, and you stop wasting each other’s time.”
    He studied the grain of his camouflage ACU trousers, failing to find a way to contradict Ethan’s point.
    â€œAre you nervous about all that financial stuff you mentioned?” Ethan pressed. “Do you think she’ll rip you off if you leave her alone in your house? Are you worried she’ll pawn your stuff and take off?”
    â€œShe wouldn’t do that. I trust her.”
    â€œDo you think she’ll be unfaithful?”
    â€œNo.”
    â€œHas she told you she loves you?”
    He swallowed hard. “No.”
    â€œDo you love her?”
    â€œI don’t know. I’ve never loved anyone. I don’t think I know how.”
    Ethan leaned back in his chair, blue eyes narrowed in scrutiny. “Sure you do. Everyone does.”
    He shook his head. “You can say that because your parents are still together. I don’t even know what my dad looks like. I got married in a casino, to a woman I’d known for less than twelve hours, because a roulette ball landed on green. Believe me, I don’t know how.”
    â€œThat’s all procedure. Love isn’t the form you fill out when you come home from deployment, it’s the courage and loyalty you showed while you were there.”
    â€œWhatever,” Chance muttered, suddenly unable to sit still a second longer. He sprang up from his seat and began pacing the small office, pretending to look at the vintage war posters adorning the walls but seeing something far different—an empty house, an empty heart, an empty life.
    â€œI just don’t think I could find anyone else like her,” he managed eventually, still facing the wall. “She’s hard and soft at the same time. She’s tough, funny, smart, calls me on my shit. That doesn’t mean I love her.”
    â€œWhat does it mean?”
    â€œThat she’s screwing up my deployment. How can I enjoy myself over there when I’m missing her the whole time?”
    When he finally got up the nerve to turn around, Ethan was failing to hide his smug smile.
    Chance’s sigh was exasperated. “You think I’m doomed.”
    â€œI think you’re in love. And I think you should tell her.”
    â€œWell, thanks for absolutely nothing, Captain Fletcher. Next time I come to you for romantic advice, remind me how useless you’ve been today.”
    â€œI love you too, Sergeant.