in the house now. I can hear them. It sounds like they’re on the stairs.
“I have to go talk to them, okay, sweetheart? I’m going to go tell them we aren’t bad people.”
“Okay, Mom.”
She slips out of the room and I’m left alone with my toys. I hear yelling—her, and a man—and some loud noises. There’s a big bang and for a second I wonder if Mom used the gun but I never get to ask her because I never actually saw my Mom again.
A police lady comes into the room and tells me that everything is okay now. I tell her that everything was okay before, too, and that we’re going to live here with my new real brother. I ask where my Mom is and she says that Mom got hurt because she tried to use her gun. I don’t understand.
The lady picks me up and holds me close as she carries me down the stairs. She’s covering my eyes with one hand, but I push her hand away just long enough to see Mom. She is laying on the floor and she’s looking right at me, her eyes wide open—but there is a big hole in the side of her head and lots of blood on her, the floor, and up the wall.
“Mom?” I call out to her, over and over again. “Mom, what’s wrong?”
The police lady covers my eyes again and soon we are outside.
She goes to the ambulance to get me a blanket while I stand and stare at the house.
I realize we aren’t going to live in this house anymore.
I remember the exact moment I lost my mind .
Chapter Twenty-Four
How strange it feels, to go from falling asleep in your arms
To waking up alone
Oliver walks into the room and hands me a glass of water, which I accept graciously.
“Hold on, Lauren. If you’d like to drink the water, you need to take your medicine at the same time, okay?” he says soothingly. He hands me two white and blue pills.
I put the pills in my mouth, and swallow them with a gulp of water.
So nice of you to care about how I feel, Oliver.
I think maybe I caught what Oliver had—the flu, or something—whatever it was that caused him to miss work at the café. I never had a chance to ask him if he was feeling any better. I ran away too fast. I ran because he told me about his wife.
“You have a wife?” I ask quietly. My whole body aches, and my head hurts. The lights in the room are hard on my eyes and I’m certain they’re going to contribute to the migraine I will get soon.
“Yes, I have a wife,” Oliver replies nonchalantly.
How can you just so casually tell me this after we’ve slept together?
“But, we—I—Oliver, I love you. How could you do this?” I manage to voice.
“Lauren, I’ve told you several times and I will tell you again: there is nothing going on between us, okay? You need to understand that,” he explains.
Okay, I know we never labeled it, but I figured you were scared of commitment—not that you were married.
“We slept together,” I squeak. I’m not sure if he can see how hurt I am, but my heart is literally shattering as I speak these words.
“No, Lauren. We did not. For the past six weeks, we’ve only been talking. I have it all on camera and everything is documented in my notes,” he says, slowly.
Notes? Your notebook? You’re bringing up your stupid secret notebook at a time like this? Fuck your notebook.
“Oliver, you fucked me,” I say. My words are getting louder now. “YOU FUCKED ME.”
I’m crying again. I cannot believe he’d sleep around on his wife—his beautiful, perfect wife—and then deny that anything ever happened between us. He’s beginning to make me feel like I’m crazy—like I am imagining everything.
“I’m not crazy,” I tell him, as he backs away from me. “I’m not.”
“No, Lauren, you are not crazy. What you’re feeling right now is very normal for you. You’re just very sick and you need to get some rest. Those pills will help you. You need to close your eyes and go to sleep for a little while, and I will come back in to check on you in
“I have to go talk to them, okay, sweetheart? I’m going to go tell them we aren’t bad people.”
“Okay, Mom.”
She slips out of the room and I’m left alone with my toys. I hear yelling—her, and a man—and some loud noises. There’s a big bang and for a second I wonder if Mom used the gun but I never get to ask her because I never actually saw my Mom again.
A police lady comes into the room and tells me that everything is okay now. I tell her that everything was okay before, too, and that we’re going to live here with my new real brother. I ask where my Mom is and she says that Mom got hurt because she tried to use her gun. I don’t understand.
The lady picks me up and holds me close as she carries me down the stairs. She’s covering my eyes with one hand, but I push her hand away just long enough to see Mom. She is laying on the floor and she’s looking right at me, her eyes wide open—but there is a big hole in the side of her head and lots of blood on her, the floor, and up the wall.
“Mom?” I call out to her, over and over again. “Mom, what’s wrong?”
The police lady covers my eyes again and soon we are outside.
She goes to the ambulance to get me a blanket while I stand and stare at the house.
I realize we aren’t going to live in this house anymore.
I remember the exact moment I lost my mind .
Chapter Twenty-Four
How strange it feels, to go from falling asleep in your arms
To waking up alone
Oliver walks into the room and hands me a glass of water, which I accept graciously.
“Hold on, Lauren. If you’d like to drink the water, you need to take your medicine at the same time, okay?” he says soothingly. He hands me two white and blue pills.
I put the pills in my mouth, and swallow them with a gulp of water.
So nice of you to care about how I feel, Oliver.
I think maybe I caught what Oliver had—the flu, or something—whatever it was that caused him to miss work at the café. I never had a chance to ask him if he was feeling any better. I ran away too fast. I ran because he told me about his wife.
“You have a wife?” I ask quietly. My whole body aches, and my head hurts. The lights in the room are hard on my eyes and I’m certain they’re going to contribute to the migraine I will get soon.
“Yes, I have a wife,” Oliver replies nonchalantly.
How can you just so casually tell me this after we’ve slept together?
“But, we—I—Oliver, I love you. How could you do this?” I manage to voice.
“Lauren, I’ve told you several times and I will tell you again: there is nothing going on between us, okay? You need to understand that,” he explains.
Okay, I know we never labeled it, but I figured you were scared of commitment—not that you were married.
“We slept together,” I squeak. I’m not sure if he can see how hurt I am, but my heart is literally shattering as I speak these words.
“No, Lauren. We did not. For the past six weeks, we’ve only been talking. I have it all on camera and everything is documented in my notes,” he says, slowly.
Notes? Your notebook? You’re bringing up your stupid secret notebook at a time like this? Fuck your notebook.
“Oliver, you fucked me,” I say. My words are getting louder now. “YOU FUCKED ME.”
I’m crying again. I cannot believe he’d sleep around on his wife—his beautiful, perfect wife—and then deny that anything ever happened between us. He’s beginning to make me feel like I’m crazy—like I am imagining everything.
“I’m not crazy,” I tell him, as he backs away from me. “I’m not.”
“No, Lauren, you are not crazy. What you’re feeling right now is very normal for you. You’re just very sick and you need to get some rest. Those pills will help you. You need to close your eyes and go to sleep for a little while, and I will come back in to check on you in
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