a hard life, but that doesn’t mean she can’t be hurt. Last thing I want to do is hurt her, so I have to figure out where my mind is at.
“I’d better go,” I whisper against her lips, feeling her stiffen up immediately and dropping her hand from my chest. “Don’t,” I caution her, taking both of her hands in mine and lifting them against my chest. “You are hard to resist, Betty Boop , and it kills me to walk away, but if I don’t, I’m no better than any other man you’ve ever encountered.” She pulls at her hands, but I’m not letting her go. “I want to have a clear head when we go there. I need you to believe it’s you I want to be with. I need you to feel it. With all that’s happened this past week, I think we both need to clear our heads.”
Ruby’s eyes are down, but she nods her head in understanding. I let go of her hands and place mine on either side of her neck, lifting her chin with my thumbs before pressing a last, soft kiss on her lips.
R uby
“He hasn’t been around at all?”
We just finished cleaning up after last night’s Christmas dinner. Something Pam apparently does every year for the women and children, who happened to be at the shelter at that time. I hadn’t celebrated Christmas, in any form, since I was a young teenager and had it not been for Pam’s insistence I join her this year, I probably would’ve just stayed in, doing my best to ignore the overt family festivities everywhere. I’d already turned down both Syd and Viv’s offers to join them. If I had to admit, part of me was waiting to see whether Tim might have plans that included me. When Pam asked what he had been up to yesterday, I told her I didn’t know. Pam’s expression was incredulous at the news I hadn’t seen Tim in two weeks.
The first few days after the episode outside my door, I’d been grateful for the respite, still reeling from the unfamiliar and somewhat disturbing feelings his touch had invoked in me. In all the years I was forced to allow men inside my body, I was able to avoid kissing. I know it seems ridiculous, when I’d had other parts of their anatomy in my mouth, but the intimacy of stroking someone’s tongue with my own had been my way to keep a small part of me pure. Futile, I know, when the rest of me was so liberally used and abused. It felt important. Maybe it had something to do with the fact the last person who kissed me had been the one to force me into that life. A promise to myself I’d never allow myself to be seduced against my will again. I don’t know. It’s one of many trains of thought my mind has been occupied with, since Tim broke that seal and caused long forgotten sensations to course through my body.
Pam has helped me talk through some of it after I sat down with her and rehashed everything that happened. She pointed out that perhaps it wasn’t disgust and rejection I saw in his initial reaction to my past, but shock or even anger at what happened to me. But when after a couple of days of silence, Tim didn’t show up for his regular Wednesday night, I started to doubt again. His parting words had planted a seed of hope. They’d seemed genuine. The more time passed, though, the more I wondered if it was just too much for him to overcome my history. God knows, I wouldn’t blame him if it was.
Yesterday had been the second Wednesday Tim had not been in, and I came to Pam looking for some wisdom.
“Not in almost two weeks,” I confirm.
Pam is quiet for a bit. Thoughtful. “What does Ike say? Have you talked to him about it? Has he seen him?”
“No,” I admit. I wanted to, but every time I tried to approach him, or even Viv, I’d stop myself from asking about Tim. Part of me is afraid to find out that they do know—that they’ve seen or spoken to him. That it’s me specifically he’s staying away from. Maybe he regretted walking me home that night—regrets the kissing—and is now just avoiding me. I shake my head, driving myself nuts with
“I’d better go,” I whisper against her lips, feeling her stiffen up immediately and dropping her hand from my chest. “Don’t,” I caution her, taking both of her hands in mine and lifting them against my chest. “You are hard to resist, Betty Boop , and it kills me to walk away, but if I don’t, I’m no better than any other man you’ve ever encountered.” She pulls at her hands, but I’m not letting her go. “I want to have a clear head when we go there. I need you to believe it’s you I want to be with. I need you to feel it. With all that’s happened this past week, I think we both need to clear our heads.”
Ruby’s eyes are down, but she nods her head in understanding. I let go of her hands and place mine on either side of her neck, lifting her chin with my thumbs before pressing a last, soft kiss on her lips.
R uby
“He hasn’t been around at all?”
We just finished cleaning up after last night’s Christmas dinner. Something Pam apparently does every year for the women and children, who happened to be at the shelter at that time. I hadn’t celebrated Christmas, in any form, since I was a young teenager and had it not been for Pam’s insistence I join her this year, I probably would’ve just stayed in, doing my best to ignore the overt family festivities everywhere. I’d already turned down both Syd and Viv’s offers to join them. If I had to admit, part of me was waiting to see whether Tim might have plans that included me. When Pam asked what he had been up to yesterday, I told her I didn’t know. Pam’s expression was incredulous at the news I hadn’t seen Tim in two weeks.
The first few days after the episode outside my door, I’d been grateful for the respite, still reeling from the unfamiliar and somewhat disturbing feelings his touch had invoked in me. In all the years I was forced to allow men inside my body, I was able to avoid kissing. I know it seems ridiculous, when I’d had other parts of their anatomy in my mouth, but the intimacy of stroking someone’s tongue with my own had been my way to keep a small part of me pure. Futile, I know, when the rest of me was so liberally used and abused. It felt important. Maybe it had something to do with the fact the last person who kissed me had been the one to force me into that life. A promise to myself I’d never allow myself to be seduced against my will again. I don’t know. It’s one of many trains of thought my mind has been occupied with, since Tim broke that seal and caused long forgotten sensations to course through my body.
Pam has helped me talk through some of it after I sat down with her and rehashed everything that happened. She pointed out that perhaps it wasn’t disgust and rejection I saw in his initial reaction to my past, but shock or even anger at what happened to me. But when after a couple of days of silence, Tim didn’t show up for his regular Wednesday night, I started to doubt again. His parting words had planted a seed of hope. They’d seemed genuine. The more time passed, though, the more I wondered if it was just too much for him to overcome my history. God knows, I wouldn’t blame him if it was.
Yesterday had been the second Wednesday Tim had not been in, and I came to Pam looking for some wisdom.
“Not in almost two weeks,” I confirm.
Pam is quiet for a bit. Thoughtful. “What does Ike say? Have you talked to him about it? Has he seen him?”
“No,” I admit. I wanted to, but every time I tried to approach him, or even Viv, I’d stop myself from asking about Tim. Part of me is afraid to find out that they do know—that they’ve seen or spoken to him. That it’s me specifically he’s staying away from. Maybe he regretted walking me home that night—regrets the kissing—and is now just avoiding me. I shake my head, driving myself nuts with
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