concubine.”
“I like to think we’re a modern couple, but the truth is, he’s still totally obedient to his family. He’d take a concubine if his mother insisted.” Then her voice dropped to a whisper. “Oh, Leiyin. I can’t bear the thought of him with anyone else.”
“You’re First Wife. You’re allowed your say about concubines. Make Shen pick someone illiterate or ugly, someone he could never love.”
“I’m hoping Stepmother’s advice will let me avoid that. There. Now you know the truth. Your Eldest Sister is just a barren wife.” She smiled and wiped her eyes.
Tears welled up in my own eyes to see my imperious older sister so insecure, so vulnerable. Hanchin would never take a concubine if I proved barren. We’d adopt orphans, perhaps even one of those Eurasian children nobody wanted. Just thinking about Hanchin gave me courage. I took a deep breath.
“There’s something I want to tell you, Eldest Sister. A secret.” She looked up with a small smile, prepared to hear a childish confidence.
“I’ve decided to go to Hangchow, even though it’s against Father’s wishes.”
“Leiyin! You can’t! You’ve only just regained Father’s goodwill.” Exasperation replaced the smile on her face.
“All I need is money for room and board. And train fare. Will you help? I’m going to sell my jewellery but I’ll need to borrow more.”
“Third Sister! You can’t do this! Think what it would mean if you disobeyed Father.”
“It’s the boarding fees that cost the most,” I continued, as though she hadn’t said anything. “I could never come up with that much.”
“Leiyin, think what Father will do if you defy him like this.”
“Once I get to Hangchow Women’s, it’ll be all right. We all know how impulsive he is when he gets angry, but I won’t be around for him to punish. He’ll forgive me eventually. You’ve said often enough that Father is as quick to forgive as he is to get angry. Will you help me?”
She held my wrist in a tight grip and shook her head.
“You’ll be punished.”
“What can he do except drag me home? Once I’m at school, he’d lose face if he had to do that. He’ll have to go along with it or risk having people think he has no control over his children.”
“Third Sister, listen to me. You’ve always been his favourite daughter. But such outright defiance would be unforgivable.”
“Even if I get only one year at college, it would be better than none at all. Maybe Father will get used to the idea.”
Again she shook her head. She stood to leave. I jumped up and caught her by the hand.
“Please, Gaoyin. This means more to me than you can possibly imagine. My entire future, my happiness depends on it, Eldest Sister. You must help me.” For all my determination, I knew I could not do it on my own.
She saw my tears but didn’t waver. “I can’t, Little Sister. And I won’t.”
She clambered down the path and left me alone beneath the pines.
***
I suppose it was a good thing she left when she did, I tell my souls. I was ready to break down and tell her about Hanchin and why everything depended on university.
Gaoyin tried to warn you of the consequences. My yin soul chews on the end of a pigtail.
My hun soul hovers at the edge of the terrace, gleaming. You overestimated Eldest Sister’s capacity for defiance.
No, I didn’t. But I hoped. I had to try something, anything. I insist, still feeling the sting of desperate tears.
It’s a good thing your first sister had the sense to refuse you, my yang soul says. He paces around the terrace, hands tucked into his wide sleeves. He glances up at the sky. Ah, a full moon.
We stand still, all four of us, and lift our eyes to watch the moonrise. I look for the rabbit in the moon, even though I know it’s only a fairy tale. I remember Gaoyin reading me the story for the first time, when I was Fei-Fei’s age.
She was always the bossy one with all the answers, I tell my souls. I couldn’t
“I like to think we’re a modern couple, but the truth is, he’s still totally obedient to his family. He’d take a concubine if his mother insisted.” Then her voice dropped to a whisper. “Oh, Leiyin. I can’t bear the thought of him with anyone else.”
“You’re First Wife. You’re allowed your say about concubines. Make Shen pick someone illiterate or ugly, someone he could never love.”
“I’m hoping Stepmother’s advice will let me avoid that. There. Now you know the truth. Your Eldest Sister is just a barren wife.” She smiled and wiped her eyes.
Tears welled up in my own eyes to see my imperious older sister so insecure, so vulnerable. Hanchin would never take a concubine if I proved barren. We’d adopt orphans, perhaps even one of those Eurasian children nobody wanted. Just thinking about Hanchin gave me courage. I took a deep breath.
“There’s something I want to tell you, Eldest Sister. A secret.” She looked up with a small smile, prepared to hear a childish confidence.
“I’ve decided to go to Hangchow, even though it’s against Father’s wishes.”
“Leiyin! You can’t! You’ve only just regained Father’s goodwill.” Exasperation replaced the smile on her face.
“All I need is money for room and board. And train fare. Will you help? I’m going to sell my jewellery but I’ll need to borrow more.”
“Third Sister! You can’t do this! Think what it would mean if you disobeyed Father.”
“It’s the boarding fees that cost the most,” I continued, as though she hadn’t said anything. “I could never come up with that much.”
“Leiyin, think what Father will do if you defy him like this.”
“Once I get to Hangchow Women’s, it’ll be all right. We all know how impulsive he is when he gets angry, but I won’t be around for him to punish. He’ll forgive me eventually. You’ve said often enough that Father is as quick to forgive as he is to get angry. Will you help me?”
She held my wrist in a tight grip and shook her head.
“You’ll be punished.”
“What can he do except drag me home? Once I’m at school, he’d lose face if he had to do that. He’ll have to go along with it or risk having people think he has no control over his children.”
“Third Sister, listen to me. You’ve always been his favourite daughter. But such outright defiance would be unforgivable.”
“Even if I get only one year at college, it would be better than none at all. Maybe Father will get used to the idea.”
Again she shook her head. She stood to leave. I jumped up and caught her by the hand.
“Please, Gaoyin. This means more to me than you can possibly imagine. My entire future, my happiness depends on it, Eldest Sister. You must help me.” For all my determination, I knew I could not do it on my own.
She saw my tears but didn’t waver. “I can’t, Little Sister. And I won’t.”
She clambered down the path and left me alone beneath the pines.
***
I suppose it was a good thing she left when she did, I tell my souls. I was ready to break down and tell her about Hanchin and why everything depended on university.
Gaoyin tried to warn you of the consequences. My yin soul chews on the end of a pigtail.
My hun soul hovers at the edge of the terrace, gleaming. You overestimated Eldest Sister’s capacity for defiance.
No, I didn’t. But I hoped. I had to try something, anything. I insist, still feeling the sting of desperate tears.
It’s a good thing your first sister had the sense to refuse you, my yang soul says. He paces around the terrace, hands tucked into his wide sleeves. He glances up at the sky. Ah, a full moon.
We stand still, all four of us, and lift our eyes to watch the moonrise. I look for the rabbit in the moon, even though I know it’s only a fairy tale. I remember Gaoyin reading me the story for the first time, when I was Fei-Fei’s age.
She was always the bossy one with all the answers, I tell my souls. I couldn’t
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