love.’
‘I’m fine.’
‘You don’t get any fresh air.’ Staring at her, I made up my mind. ‘I have an idea. Come with me.’
‘This is a mistake!’ Radha whispered as she snuck along the corridor behind me. Her eyes were covered with my blindfold so that if anyone spotted us, they would think I was taking my pleasure with her, and would not realise that her eyes turned gold for me. I would have to deal with the fact that someone knew I preferred the company of women later – a necessary risk in order to get Radha out of that cursed prison cell.
Grabbing some equipment, we crept out to the east wall gate that opened onto the cliffs. Radha was nimble and sure-footed, not needing any help to climb down to the small jetty at the very bottom of the cliff. It sat in a tiny abandoned inlet, this jetty, but had one single boat tethered in case of an emergency. We climbed into it and cast off, taking an oar each and striking out. I could feel her coming back to life surrounded by the sea. Salt was in our blood.
When we reached a calm stretch of ocean we threw our fishing lines in and sat back to wait for any nibbles. We’d fished every day in the first years of our bonding. Now I couldn’t remember the last time we’d gone.
‘You’re not really going to break the bond, are you?’ she asked softly.
I couldn’t bring myself to look at her. ‘I might have to.’
‘How could you even entertain the idea?’ Radha demanded incredulously.
‘For you.’
She shook her head. ‘I don’t need it. It’s you who is too frightened to make the change this country needs.’
I didn’t rise to the bait. We’d been fighting way too much of late, and I hated it.
‘You would sever what’s between us,’ she whispered, and I could hear the tears in her throat.
I closed my eyes, feeling the weight of this idea settle upon me. The weight of all the bonded Kayans who would feel the grief of it, if I were indeed to order the bond broken. I’d been born with such ambition in my veins. Such a need to help. But the more choices I had to make that felt wrong, the wearier I grew of it all.
I found myself wishing, in the dark quiet of night, for a life in which all that was required of me was to love my mate. That was a big enough burden for one person, surely. An infinite enough joy. Instead I made impossible decisions and I had no one at all to help me.
Taking a breath, I looked at Radha.
‘I don’t need the bond to love you,’ I told her. ‘I will do that no matter what magic exists in the world.’
Something pulled on her line, and when she reeled it in there was a fat, wriggling fish on the end of it. We both burst into laughter for the sheer pleasure of it.
Finn
Around us as far as the eye could see was grass. Endless fields of yellow, waist-high grass. The five of us were spread out, wading through it under a hot sun. Isadora was a few hundred yards ahead, but even though she was short, there was no way we could lose sight of her, glowing under the sun as she was. Jonah watched her without blinking from where he walked beside me. Despite the fact that I had told her she wasn’t welcome to join our travelling party, I’d been out-voted. She’d offered us her swords for the journey, and the boys all thought it was wise after last night to have another who could fight in our party. They were right. I simply didn’t trust her.
Thorne was keeping pace out to the right, his neck on a constant swivel to check for any signs of danger. And Penn brought up the rear, trailing behind with a song on his breath, slashing a long stick through the grass.
My footsteps felt heavy today. I couldn’t seem to shake the remnants of last night from my skin. The idiocy of what I’d done. Of course Thorne wasn’t the right person to relieve my boredom with; he thought everything was a matter of gravest import. Yuck.
Sometimes the darkness that crept in felt like a physical sensation over my skin. It prickled, grew hot
‘I’m fine.’
‘You don’t get any fresh air.’ Staring at her, I made up my mind. ‘I have an idea. Come with me.’
‘This is a mistake!’ Radha whispered as she snuck along the corridor behind me. Her eyes were covered with my blindfold so that if anyone spotted us, they would think I was taking my pleasure with her, and would not realise that her eyes turned gold for me. I would have to deal with the fact that someone knew I preferred the company of women later – a necessary risk in order to get Radha out of that cursed prison cell.
Grabbing some equipment, we crept out to the east wall gate that opened onto the cliffs. Radha was nimble and sure-footed, not needing any help to climb down to the small jetty at the very bottom of the cliff. It sat in a tiny abandoned inlet, this jetty, but had one single boat tethered in case of an emergency. We climbed into it and cast off, taking an oar each and striking out. I could feel her coming back to life surrounded by the sea. Salt was in our blood.
When we reached a calm stretch of ocean we threw our fishing lines in and sat back to wait for any nibbles. We’d fished every day in the first years of our bonding. Now I couldn’t remember the last time we’d gone.
‘You’re not really going to break the bond, are you?’ she asked softly.
I couldn’t bring myself to look at her. ‘I might have to.’
‘How could you even entertain the idea?’ Radha demanded incredulously.
‘For you.’
She shook her head. ‘I don’t need it. It’s you who is too frightened to make the change this country needs.’
I didn’t rise to the bait. We’d been fighting way too much of late, and I hated it.
‘You would sever what’s between us,’ she whispered, and I could hear the tears in her throat.
I closed my eyes, feeling the weight of this idea settle upon me. The weight of all the bonded Kayans who would feel the grief of it, if I were indeed to order the bond broken. I’d been born with such ambition in my veins. Such a need to help. But the more choices I had to make that felt wrong, the wearier I grew of it all.
I found myself wishing, in the dark quiet of night, for a life in which all that was required of me was to love my mate. That was a big enough burden for one person, surely. An infinite enough joy. Instead I made impossible decisions and I had no one at all to help me.
Taking a breath, I looked at Radha.
‘I don’t need the bond to love you,’ I told her. ‘I will do that no matter what magic exists in the world.’
Something pulled on her line, and when she reeled it in there was a fat, wriggling fish on the end of it. We both burst into laughter for the sheer pleasure of it.
Finn
Around us as far as the eye could see was grass. Endless fields of yellow, waist-high grass. The five of us were spread out, wading through it under a hot sun. Isadora was a few hundred yards ahead, but even though she was short, there was no way we could lose sight of her, glowing under the sun as she was. Jonah watched her without blinking from where he walked beside me. Despite the fact that I had told her she wasn’t welcome to join our travelling party, I’d been out-voted. She’d offered us her swords for the journey, and the boys all thought it was wise after last night to have another who could fight in our party. They were right. I simply didn’t trust her.
Thorne was keeping pace out to the right, his neck on a constant swivel to check for any signs of danger. And Penn brought up the rear, trailing behind with a song on his breath, slashing a long stick through the grass.
My footsteps felt heavy today. I couldn’t seem to shake the remnants of last night from my skin. The idiocy of what I’d done. Of course Thorne wasn’t the right person to relieve my boredom with; he thought everything was a matter of gravest import. Yuck.
Sometimes the darkness that crept in felt like a physical sensation over my skin. It prickled, grew hot
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