This Is Not Forgiveness

This Is Not Forgiveness by Celia Rees Page A

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Authors: Celia Rees
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I don’t.’
    She speaks without taking her eyes off the road. She’s wearing a short dress. Low-cut with thin straps that fall off her shoulders. Her tattoo shows black. She’s driving barefoot. The slippy material rides up as she uses the pedals. I try not to look at her legs.
     
    My brother answers second ring. He’s in Adidas shorts and his Villa shirt. There’s a beer in one hand, a joint in the other, a pizza box open on the coffee table, football on the widescreen telly.
    ‘Not going out then?’
    ‘Nah.’ He takes a swig from his can. ‘Can’t be arsed. Having a quiet night. Want to join me? I got pizza. Diablo with extra cheese. Villa versus Juventus has just started and I’ve got plenty of beers.’
    ‘Nah, I’m good.’ I shake my head. ‘Another time. I’ve got a date tonight. Just brought your phone round.’
    ‘Ha. One mystery solved.’ He grins. ‘I sent a text from Carl’s phone to the arsehole who took it, and got this message saying you had it. Weird or what? I couldn’t text you cos I didn’t have your number.’
    ‘Here.’ I give it back to him.
    He looks at it like it’s the Rosetta Stone.
    ‘Thanks, man. My entire life is in here.’
    ‘You should take better care of it.’
    ‘When you’re shit-faced, you kind of lose track.’ He continues to stare at it, flicking through the apps. ‘Who’d got it?’
    ‘The girl who found you last night.’
    ‘What girl?’ He really must have been out of it.
    ‘She’s sitting in the car outside.’
    ‘Oh, that girl.’ He looks past me. He does remember. ‘I was wondering who would go out with you. Second mystery solved. Where you off to?’
    ‘She’s taking me for a ride.’
    He grins with the good side of his mouth. ‘You be careful, then. Got enough of these?’ He scoops packets of condoms from a dish Gran used to keep sweets in for us.
    ‘For God’s sake, Rob!’ Despite myself, I blush. ‘I’ve got some.’
    ‘You can never have too many.’ He stuffs a wad of them into my shirt pocket. ‘Here. You might get lucky. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do. That doesn’t leave you with much.’
    His phone goes.
    ‘Aren’t you going to answer it?’
    He checks the number. ‘Yes, sure.’
    I glance back through the window as I go down the path to where Caro is waiting for me. The big TV is a patch of vivid green. The screen changes to a blur of team colours. The crowd rises. I can hear the roar through the glass. Someone’s scored but Rob’s not looking. He’s still talking on his phone, staring after me. Sometimes he looks just like Martha.
    ‘Everything OK?’ she asks.
    She slips her phone into her bag as I get into the car.
    ‘Sure. Everything is good.’
    I lean forward to get into the low seat and the condoms spill out of my shirt pocket, falling into the foot well in a multicoloured cascade of little foil-covered packages.
    ‘Came prepared, I see,’ she says, with one eyebrow raised. At least I’ve made her smile. She hasn’t smiled all that often.
    ‘It was Rob. He, er –’ I sound like a kid blaming his big brother. I scrabble to retrieve them, more to hide my blushes than anything else.
    ‘Where are you taking me?’ I ask as I stuff the packets I can find into my jeans’ pocket and try to rewind to the moment I got into the car.
    ‘It’s a secret,’ she says.
    I turn back and see Rob’s still at the window watching as she drives off.

Chapter 15
     
     
     
     
     
    I’ve driven past Beldon Hill plenty of times, but never climbed up it, especially not at night carrying a hamper and a blanket. It’s set off the main road. She turns on to a farm track and follows that until it more or less runs out. We have to walk then. She climbs a stile. I follow her into a field. The hill rears above us. At the top, the grass glows golden in the last of the sun. A few solitary trees crouch at the summit, bent by the wind. Their shadows are lengthening. The wooded flanks are already in

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