face. It couldn’t be true. Any second now, Mrs Tanner was going to tell me I should hop off and on again because scales were playing up a bit tonight. Or the excess amount of fluid in my sore foot could account for a good ten kilos? That could happen, right?
But no, she simply smiled, handed back my card and remarked that the hardest part of the journey was over.
Engulfed in the mortification of actually being fat enough to register for the next season of The Biggest Loser, I slid sadly into my thongs and slunk to the meeting area where I sat in my seat. It wouldn’t do to plonk myself down too hard. At ninety kilos I was likely to break the thing.
The meeting began. I couldn’t concentrate, even though I was quite interested in tips for eating out and staying within your points. How had I let this happen? It was going to take a good deal more than a few magic points and a bit of huffing at the gym to remove that amount of blubber. No wonder Connor had complained. No wonder I couldn’t fit into my jeans. I was fat.
And God, I really needed a peppermint slice.
*****
“You will not believe how humiliating that was,” I moaned as I limped into Alice’s kitchen an hour or so later and flopped down on a stool at the breakfast bar. “Ninety kilos, Alice. I weigh ninety kilos! Everyone was judging me. I could see them.”
“I’m sure they weren’t,” Alice said. “There’s a lot of women in town fatter than you. Shannon-down-from-Perth has whacked it on in the last month or so, poor thing. She couldn’t even touch her toes at Boot Camp the other morning. I thought she was going to have a heart attack after pulling the tyres through the mud. Surely, you wouldn’t tip the scales heavier than her?”
“I know you’re trying to make me feel better but how fat I am in relation to the rest of the town is not the point. The point is, I don’t think I can go back. Not after tonight.”
“Why?” Alice headed for the pantry, where she had a bottle of red already uncorked. “Wine?”
I nodded.
“Mrs Tanner’s the weigh-in lady. Everyone in Western Australia will know how fat I am by tomorrow.”
“I’m sure she’ll be discreet. It is Weight Watchers.”
“She told the whole street about the boil Mr. Evans from the school had on his bum. I have no idea how she even knew about it and I certainly didn’t want to know what they did to drain it. But she told me anyway.”
“ Eww .”
“Exactly. So can you imagine her keeping my weight to herself? Anyway, I don’t think I’d be welcome.”
Alice’s look was quizzical. “Why?”
“I was so embarrassed after seeing Mrs Tanner, I decided to avoid all eye contact with the rest of the group. I walked straight into the table that holds the merchandise as I was leaving.”
“Everyone makes mistakes.” Alice picked a couple of nuts out of the bowl she’d put between us and popped them in her mouth.
“The table collapsed and the membership cards went sliding under the podium. Those bottles you put olive oil so you can use it like cooking spray smashed all over the floor. I thought Mrs Tanner was going to hit me with one of those recipe books they try to flog you. Plus, I had to buy an entire carton of Weight Watchers cookies because they were damaged. What am I meant to do with them?”
“Eat them?” Alice didn’t attempt to conceal her giggle.
I glowered at her. “You know, if I weren’t feeling so sorry for myself I’d hop over the bench and pop you one. You’re meant to be supporting my attempt to lose weight, not taking the piss.”
“You know I support you. I think it would’ve looked hysterical, that’s all.”
I gave a weak smile. “It was pretty funny. Mrs Tanner’s face went this funny shade of purple. It was like her blood was stuck inside her skull or something.”
Alice placed two glasses on the island bench. “Here. Drown your sorrows.”
“Bottoms up.”
“Not for long. In a few weeks we won’t even be able
But no, she simply smiled, handed back my card and remarked that the hardest part of the journey was over.
Engulfed in the mortification of actually being fat enough to register for the next season of The Biggest Loser, I slid sadly into my thongs and slunk to the meeting area where I sat in my seat. It wouldn’t do to plonk myself down too hard. At ninety kilos I was likely to break the thing.
The meeting began. I couldn’t concentrate, even though I was quite interested in tips for eating out and staying within your points. How had I let this happen? It was going to take a good deal more than a few magic points and a bit of huffing at the gym to remove that amount of blubber. No wonder Connor had complained. No wonder I couldn’t fit into my jeans. I was fat.
And God, I really needed a peppermint slice.
*****
“You will not believe how humiliating that was,” I moaned as I limped into Alice’s kitchen an hour or so later and flopped down on a stool at the breakfast bar. “Ninety kilos, Alice. I weigh ninety kilos! Everyone was judging me. I could see them.”
“I’m sure they weren’t,” Alice said. “There’s a lot of women in town fatter than you. Shannon-down-from-Perth has whacked it on in the last month or so, poor thing. She couldn’t even touch her toes at Boot Camp the other morning. I thought she was going to have a heart attack after pulling the tyres through the mud. Surely, you wouldn’t tip the scales heavier than her?”
“I know you’re trying to make me feel better but how fat I am in relation to the rest of the town is not the point. The point is, I don’t think I can go back. Not after tonight.”
“Why?” Alice headed for the pantry, where she had a bottle of red already uncorked. “Wine?”
I nodded.
“Mrs Tanner’s the weigh-in lady. Everyone in Western Australia will know how fat I am by tomorrow.”
“I’m sure she’ll be discreet. It is Weight Watchers.”
“She told the whole street about the boil Mr. Evans from the school had on his bum. I have no idea how she even knew about it and I certainly didn’t want to know what they did to drain it. But she told me anyway.”
“ Eww .”
“Exactly. So can you imagine her keeping my weight to herself? Anyway, I don’t think I’d be welcome.”
Alice’s look was quizzical. “Why?”
“I was so embarrassed after seeing Mrs Tanner, I decided to avoid all eye contact with the rest of the group. I walked straight into the table that holds the merchandise as I was leaving.”
“Everyone makes mistakes.” Alice picked a couple of nuts out of the bowl she’d put between us and popped them in her mouth.
“The table collapsed and the membership cards went sliding under the podium. Those bottles you put olive oil so you can use it like cooking spray smashed all over the floor. I thought Mrs Tanner was going to hit me with one of those recipe books they try to flog you. Plus, I had to buy an entire carton of Weight Watchers cookies because they were damaged. What am I meant to do with them?”
“Eat them?” Alice didn’t attempt to conceal her giggle.
I glowered at her. “You know, if I weren’t feeling so sorry for myself I’d hop over the bench and pop you one. You’re meant to be supporting my attempt to lose weight, not taking the piss.”
“You know I support you. I think it would’ve looked hysterical, that’s all.”
I gave a weak smile. “It was pretty funny. Mrs Tanner’s face went this funny shade of purple. It was like her blood was stuck inside her skull or something.”
Alice placed two glasses on the island bench. “Here. Drown your sorrows.”
“Bottoms up.”
“Not for long. In a few weeks we won’t even be able
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