pills in the bottle. Thirty-six – six days’ worth if Ifollow the pharmacist’s instructions. OK, fine. I toss back two of the pills and bend over to wash them down with cold water from the tap.
Then I go into the room, cinching my robe tight around me – I don’t want it slipping off in front of Luke. He isn’t there though; just Mom sitting on the bed reading some kind of tourist pamphlet.
I think the water’s still pretty hot
.
Thanks
, she says.
I pick up the remote from the bedside table and point it at the TV; press the on button.
It’s not working
, says Mom, redundantly, as the TV fails to come on. There isn’t even a red light on it, you know the standby light thing? The set is completely dead and again I could swear I saw that little red light before, blinking.
I shake my head. I’m losing it.
I glance at the table in the seating area – there’s an open bottle of red wine and two coffee cups taken from the sidebar where the kettle is. The bottle is half empty – the rest of the wine is in the cups. So that’s what Mom got in Flagstaff – wine for her and Luke.
I point the remote at the TV again and try to turn it on, even though I’m not expecting it to work.
Just then Mom turns to the door and I figure there’s been a knock because then Luke comes in. He sees me holding the remote.
TV not working?
he says.
I shake my head.
I’ll call down, get someone to fix it
, he says.
Oh no
, says Mom.
We can just talk, don’t you think? Get to know each other a little better
.
Ugh.
’
Course
, says Luke.
Shelby might want to watch
–
But Mom does this eyebrow thing at me and I sigh inside and shake my head, putting down the remote. Mom doesn’t want the TV on, that’s for sure. I am like 99 per cent sure she has unplugged it or cut the cable or something, and for the 156th time I reflect on how screwed up my life has become, so quickly.
As soon as we get some proper time alone me and Mom are having a SERIOUS talk. If I can think of how to ask the questions, anyway.
You get menus?
says Mom.
Yep
, says Luke. He holds up two folded sheets of glossy paper.
Mexican or Chinese
.
Mexican sounds good. Shelby?
I shrug. This is basically my signature move at the moment.
Mexican it is
, says Luke.
Mom swings herself up from the bed and walks over to the little table.
I got us a little surprise
, she says.
Grand cru Bordeaux from Chateau [ ]. I thought once Shelby had gone to bed we could share it. It needs to breathe anyway, to ox[ ] the [ ]
.
Luke looks pained; embarrassed.
I’m … I’m sorry
, he says.
I don’t drink
.
Something flashes across Mom’s face. Embarrassment too? No. It looks more like … anger? Or frustration? It’s weird, anyway. But it’s gone quickly and she smoothes her sweater and smiles.
Oh well
, she says.
More for me
.
Luke passes around the menu and we each choose what we want, then he calls up and orders the food.
When it comes, we eat our burritos and chips in silence, and thenMom does this really theatrical yawn.
I’m so tired
, she says.
Shelby, you must be exhausted too
.
I look at her, and Luke is not in my sightline so I raise my eyebrows sardonically.
She narrows her eyes back at me.
Fine, I think. Fine, I’ll leave the two of you to whatever sick game you’re playing.
Sighing, I get up and CAM Walk over to the door to my little annexe room. I wave goodnight to Luke and go in and shut the door behind me, drop another couple of codeine tabs, then lie down on my bed, knowing that I will NEVER be able to sleep with the knowledge of what is going down in the room next to me.
There is only one source of solace.
This is an AMAZING time to be deaf.
I lie there and I can’t hear a thing, can’t hear Mom and Luke making out which I’m 1,000,000 per cent certain they’re doing, and I’m so grateful for it I have no words. I’m also surprised to find that I AM tired, even though I have so many
Then I go into the room, cinching my robe tight around me – I don’t want it slipping off in front of Luke. He isn’t there though; just Mom sitting on the bed reading some kind of tourist pamphlet.
I think the water’s still pretty hot
.
Thanks
, she says.
I pick up the remote from the bedside table and point it at the TV; press the on button.
It’s not working
, says Mom, redundantly, as the TV fails to come on. There isn’t even a red light on it, you know the standby light thing? The set is completely dead and again I could swear I saw that little red light before, blinking.
I shake my head. I’m losing it.
I glance at the table in the seating area – there’s an open bottle of red wine and two coffee cups taken from the sidebar where the kettle is. The bottle is half empty – the rest of the wine is in the cups. So that’s what Mom got in Flagstaff – wine for her and Luke.
I point the remote at the TV again and try to turn it on, even though I’m not expecting it to work.
Just then Mom turns to the door and I figure there’s been a knock because then Luke comes in. He sees me holding the remote.
TV not working?
he says.
I shake my head.
I’ll call down, get someone to fix it
, he says.
Oh no
, says Mom.
We can just talk, don’t you think? Get to know each other a little better
.
Ugh.
’
Course
, says Luke.
Shelby might want to watch
–
But Mom does this eyebrow thing at me and I sigh inside and shake my head, putting down the remote. Mom doesn’t want the TV on, that’s for sure. I am like 99 per cent sure she has unplugged it or cut the cable or something, and for the 156th time I reflect on how screwed up my life has become, so quickly.
As soon as we get some proper time alone me and Mom are having a SERIOUS talk. If I can think of how to ask the questions, anyway.
You get menus?
says Mom.
Yep
, says Luke. He holds up two folded sheets of glossy paper.
Mexican or Chinese
.
Mexican sounds good. Shelby?
I shrug. This is basically my signature move at the moment.
Mexican it is
, says Luke.
Mom swings herself up from the bed and walks over to the little table.
I got us a little surprise
, she says.
Grand cru Bordeaux from Chateau [ ]. I thought once Shelby had gone to bed we could share it. It needs to breathe anyway, to ox[ ] the [ ]
.
Luke looks pained; embarrassed.
I’m … I’m sorry
, he says.
I don’t drink
.
Something flashes across Mom’s face. Embarrassment too? No. It looks more like … anger? Or frustration? It’s weird, anyway. But it’s gone quickly and she smoothes her sweater and smiles.
Oh well
, she says.
More for me
.
Luke passes around the menu and we each choose what we want, then he calls up and orders the food.
When it comes, we eat our burritos and chips in silence, and thenMom does this really theatrical yawn.
I’m so tired
, she says.
Shelby, you must be exhausted too
.
I look at her, and Luke is not in my sightline so I raise my eyebrows sardonically.
She narrows her eyes back at me.
Fine, I think. Fine, I’ll leave the two of you to whatever sick game you’re playing.
Sighing, I get up and CAM Walk over to the door to my little annexe room. I wave goodnight to Luke and go in and shut the door behind me, drop another couple of codeine tabs, then lie down on my bed, knowing that I will NEVER be able to sleep with the knowledge of what is going down in the room next to me.
There is only one source of solace.
This is an AMAZING time to be deaf.
I lie there and I can’t hear a thing, can’t hear Mom and Luke making out which I’m 1,000,000 per cent certain they’re doing, and I’m so grateful for it I have no words. I’m also surprised to find that I AM tired, even though I have so many
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