Theodora by Stella Duffy Page A

bowed and held his Theodora tight with one arm round her waist, smacking his free hand on his thigh in loud applause.
    *
    An hour later he was smacking that same hand across Theodora’s back and legs. Like Menander, he knew exactly where to hit so the bruises would not show in public. Theodora and Hecebolus had engaged in play-fighting for sex, more than once, but this was not fun and the third time Hecebolus lifted his hand against her, Theodora backed away.
    ‘Stop. I don’t like it.’
    ‘I don’t like you flirting with the entire fucking ship’s company.’
    ‘It was a show.’
    ‘It was showing off, and I know you well enough to know you weren’t acting when you sucked up their praise. You loved every minute of it.’
    ‘Of course I did, you stupid bastard. I like praise. Who doesn’t?’
    ‘A lady should not enjoy the praise of a bunch of sweaty, dirty working men.’
    Theodora stared at him then, ‘I’m sorry?’
    ‘A lady should not—’
    ‘But I am not a lady,’ she stopped him. ‘I could act like one. I could be reserved, constantly aware of my status. I could believe myself to be better than those men simply by virtue of being born to a rich father, but then you would never have met me, I would not be here now. You would have found some other theatre trollop to come with you on this great new adventure. You chose me – I was no different then.’
    ‘We will arrive in a day or so. It is important to start as we mean to go on, I have to make a good impression in Apollonia.’
    ‘Hecebolus,’ she said, softening her voice. She looked at this angry, worried young man, the second son of a successful dye merchant, trying to make his own path, away from his family’s demands and constraints, ‘There is nothing I don’t know about making a good impression.’
    ‘They will talk.’
    ‘Who?’
    ‘The crew.’
    ‘Yes,’ she nodded, explaining. ‘And they’ll say I was kind, pleasant. They’ll say that although I didn’t take off my clothes or sing dirty songs, I gave them an hour of fun. It will be busy, hard work for them when we arrive, they need to let off steam first. Their captain said as much himself, he was grateful. He wasn’t just being polite when he toasted me, I know when men are being polite. He meant it.’
    Her lover rubbed his eyes, torn between jealousy and understanding. He tried another tack. ‘Fine, but that’s done. I need you to behave like a lady now.’
    ‘You mean act like a lady?’
    ‘If that’s the best you can do.’
    ‘Oh, I can do far more than that,’ she answered, her own anger rising again as he failed to accept her compassion, to pick up on her conciliatory tone, ‘I could actually be a lady. A real one, elevated in social status as well as pretence, but I’d have to marry a gentleman for that to happen.’ She waited, a half-pause to see if he understood her. His anger was still too high in his face though, and she chose to speak with still more clarity just to be sure. ‘And a gentleman would have to ask me.’
    They stared at each other then. She knew he could not ask her to marry him, his father would never forgive him if he did and anyway, the law and too much that lay back in the City made it impossible. Hecebolus was a product and a property of the Empire. Other actresses might do well, in time, with their own money and their own fame, but Theodora had been so well known, it was too soon. She understood that his father would die eventually, Hecebolus knew that her fame would fade, faster for being away from the City, that anything might happen one day: with time in Africa and a chance for her togain a different status away from the stage, new choices might yet be made. In time. One day. Not now.
    In the dark that was nearly morning, and for much of the following day and night, they made love that was nearly anger. Passion with a biting edge, literally, of frustrated hope and muttered disappointment. Neither could change their place in their