across the floor to me. As I knelt to pick them up, I noticed they were slightly damp with blood. “Pardon the mess, but the owner simply wasn’t in a cooperative mood.” He covered his lips with the tips of his fingers and giggled coyly like a little girl. It made me want to vomit.
I cocked an eyebrow as I pocketed what I assumed were the maps I’d been looking for. “You had something to tell me?”
“Ah, yes.” He paused, crossed his arms and rested his chin on his thumb. “Let me put this in language you’ll understand. You’re headed toward a shitload of trouble.”
I rolled my eyes. “Tell me something I don’t know.”
The thing shrugged, and I could see loose bags of skin flapping lazily under its arms and along its torso as it did so. “Okay then, let’s, shall we? The…parties…that I represent would like you to know that they would be most grateful if you stopped the wolves and that horrid vampire from tearing a hole between your world and ours.”
I screwed my face up in legitimate WTF fashion. “Say what?”
Donnie sighed and cleared his throat, which sounded a lot like he was blowing through a harmonica that had been tuned several octaves too low. “Let me explain. In short, the creatures you are going to attempt to kill are trying to bring more of—well—of
us
over here.”
“Over here from where?”
“Well, from whence we came, of course.”
I tossed my hands up in the air in exasperation. “Right. That’s just flipping clear as mud.” Donnie looked at me askance and waited for me to stop my pissy fit while the implications began to seep in. “Wait. You’re telling me that there are more of you assholes, just on the other side of some quantum gateway or some shit?”
He appeared to process what I’d just said for a moment, then nodded once slowly. “Yes, I believe that sums it up nicely.”
“Alright, so enlighten me, Donner Party: What’s your stake in this game?”
He giggled like a little girl again and curtsied. “Oh, you do know how to flatter me, don’t you? Well here’s the thing, Scratch—my kind have been crossing the Veil and coming to your world since time immemorial. For as long as you monkeys have been smashing each other’s heads in with rocks, we’ve been feasting on your flesh and having a damned good time doing it. You see, we are not corporeal beings, at least not on this side of the Veil. So whenever we come over here, we have to hitch a ride before we can have our fun.”
I’d often suspected something similar to what Donnie was telling me, but without any way to be sure, I’d kept my thoughts to myself. I wondered how much of this the Doc already knew and had been keeping secret from us. I decided to keep my trap shut and just let him spill as much info as he wanted. Donnie cocked an eyebrow at my silence, and continued.
“Those of us strong enough to cross the Veil have always enjoyed experiencing your world, preying on and inhabiting your flesh, and causing your kind to suffer. You know, you people have really never had a clue how good you have it here; your world really is wasted on you. But here’s the thing: The wolves and the bloodsuckers see things differently than the faction I represent. They want to invade and inhabit this world. So shortsighted.” He tsked, then squatted and pulled another finger off the dismembered arm he carried. Soon he nibbled at it like a child trying to make his final Oreo last.
I stifled my gag reflex and nodded slowly. “I think I see your conundrum. If the ’thropes and vamps take over, eventually there won’t be any humans left. Your playground will be ruined, and you’ll no longer have any sport to pursue.”
Donnie shook the finger once at me. “Exactly! Those Neanderthals think they can create some sort of dynasty over here and farm your kind, or some such idiocy.” He paused, then punctuated each sentence by jabbing the finger at me. “They can’t see that eventually their food supply
I cocked an eyebrow as I pocketed what I assumed were the maps I’d been looking for. “You had something to tell me?”
“Ah, yes.” He paused, crossed his arms and rested his chin on his thumb. “Let me put this in language you’ll understand. You’re headed toward a shitload of trouble.”
I rolled my eyes. “Tell me something I don’t know.”
The thing shrugged, and I could see loose bags of skin flapping lazily under its arms and along its torso as it did so. “Okay then, let’s, shall we? The…parties…that I represent would like you to know that they would be most grateful if you stopped the wolves and that horrid vampire from tearing a hole between your world and ours.”
I screwed my face up in legitimate WTF fashion. “Say what?”
Donnie sighed and cleared his throat, which sounded a lot like he was blowing through a harmonica that had been tuned several octaves too low. “Let me explain. In short, the creatures you are going to attempt to kill are trying to bring more of—well—of
us
over here.”
“Over here from where?”
“Well, from whence we came, of course.”
I tossed my hands up in the air in exasperation. “Right. That’s just flipping clear as mud.” Donnie looked at me askance and waited for me to stop my pissy fit while the implications began to seep in. “Wait. You’re telling me that there are more of you assholes, just on the other side of some quantum gateway or some shit?”
He appeared to process what I’d just said for a moment, then nodded once slowly. “Yes, I believe that sums it up nicely.”
“Alright, so enlighten me, Donner Party: What’s your stake in this game?”
He giggled like a little girl again and curtsied. “Oh, you do know how to flatter me, don’t you? Well here’s the thing, Scratch—my kind have been crossing the Veil and coming to your world since time immemorial. For as long as you monkeys have been smashing each other’s heads in with rocks, we’ve been feasting on your flesh and having a damned good time doing it. You see, we are not corporeal beings, at least not on this side of the Veil. So whenever we come over here, we have to hitch a ride before we can have our fun.”
I’d often suspected something similar to what Donnie was telling me, but without any way to be sure, I’d kept my thoughts to myself. I wondered how much of this the Doc already knew and had been keeping secret from us. I decided to keep my trap shut and just let him spill as much info as he wanted. Donnie cocked an eyebrow at my silence, and continued.
“Those of us strong enough to cross the Veil have always enjoyed experiencing your world, preying on and inhabiting your flesh, and causing your kind to suffer. You know, you people have really never had a clue how good you have it here; your world really is wasted on you. But here’s the thing: The wolves and the bloodsuckers see things differently than the faction I represent. They want to invade and inhabit this world. So shortsighted.” He tsked, then squatted and pulled another finger off the dismembered arm he carried. Soon he nibbled at it like a child trying to make his final Oreo last.
I stifled my gag reflex and nodded slowly. “I think I see your conundrum. If the ’thropes and vamps take over, eventually there won’t be any humans left. Your playground will be ruined, and you’ll no longer have any sport to pursue.”
Donnie shook the finger once at me. “Exactly! Those Neanderthals think they can create some sort of dynasty over here and farm your kind, or some such idiocy.” He paused, then punctuated each sentence by jabbing the finger at me. “They can’t see that eventually their food supply
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