quiet and liked to hide in the library during break-times, and did everything in his power to avoid bullies, which seemed to make him more of a target.
He always looked at me with such loving eyes, and it killed me that I couldn’t return his affection. They were pale blue and the most beautiful thing about him. I knew that he liked me. I’d known it ever since we’d met. I didn’t understand it. Why the hell would he want me? But it was obvious to see. Every word, every gesture, every facial expression was an indicator of his feelings.
I also knew that it was unfair of me to stay friends with him. I was leading him on. But what else was I supposed to do? I had no one else. With him, my life was bearable. Without him, I don’t think I’d be able to cope. Plus we’d known each other for years.
I smiled as his pale blue eyes came into view, and he smiled back. “Zoey,” he said, handing me a chocolate bar. “I got this for you.”
I took and unwrapped it, and bit into it immediately. My mouth exploded with flavour. Dark chocolate swam through my teeth and around my tongue, and then down my throat. I closed my eyes and savoured the taste. When I opened them Ben was looking at me expectantly. “It’s good,” I told him.
He smiled widely, clearly happy that I’d enjoyed his gift. “Great,” he said. “That’s . . . that’s just fantastic!” Ben had a habit of trying a little too hard. Sometimes it felt like he was always trying to impress. “Do you want me to carry your bag?”
“No, it’s fine . . .” I said, but he was already taking it from me. His hands were clumsy and it took him a while to get it off my back. As he did so, his hand brushed my neck. It was warm and soft, and I wondered if he’d done it on purpose or by accident.
He smile grew even wider. “Shall we set off then?”
I swallowed and stroked my father’s medal. “I suppose so.”
~
The school was teeming with children . I felt like I was lost in a sea of playfulness as I walked through them all. Looking around, Ben and I seemed to be the only two who weren’t joining in with the morning merriment. That made sense. Sometimes it seemed like everyone in the school hated us.
Ben smiled at me as we waded our way through. It was then that I noticed the nasty purple welt on the side of his face. “Ben!” I gasped. “Your face!”
He looked away like he was embarrassed and covered his face with his hand. “It’s nothing,” he said. He picked up his pace and I had no choice but to follow him. I wanted to help him somehow, but I didn’t know how to. His father was a big man, and it wasn’t my place to go telling anybody what was going on. That was Ben’s responsibility.
“You should tell someone,” I said when he finally stopped. It was quiet here, around the back of the science classrooms where people rarely went. It was our regular before-school hangout.
He shrugged like it was nothing and smiled, but then his confidence broke and he utterly collapsed. He started to cry, and I instinctively went forward to embrace him. I wrapped my arms around him and stroked his hair. I could feel tears falling on my front, hot against my skin. He buried his head into me further and continued to cry. “It’s okay,” I said. “It’ll all be okay.”
After a long while he pulled away and wiped his eyes. He stared at me with big, puppy eyes, eyes I’d seen before. “You mean everything to me,” he said. “Zoey, you’re the only reason I’m still here.”
I knew that his words had two meanings. The first was that we had a solid friendship, one that we’d both benefited from. The other was that he loved me, really loved me, for reasons I didn’t understand. I chose to reply as if he’d only meant the first meaning. “You too, Ben,” I said. “Without our friendship I don’t think I would be here either.”
At the word friendship
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