down and be like everyone else, don’tcause any trouble, be invisible, but maybe you’re too angry to do that. ’Cause the news is telling you Muslims’ lives are worthless. It’s not hard to get teenage boys pissed off and fighty: you’re shown American soldiers killing tiny kids and blowing up villages, in places where you still have family, not just some vague feeling of history. Maybe people you actually know and love live there – how are you going to react?’
‘But isn’t that Jonah’s point, that they are always going to hate us?
‘But
that
stuff is not about religion. So it’s crazy for Jonah to pretend that this is all British Muslims, that they’re going to hate us because we’re so liberal and they can’t stand it. Most people who are victims of prejudice tend to understand why it’s bad.’
‘It doesn’t have to be most, though, if there are enough people who want to kill us or change our laws.’
‘Cassidy, how much of this do you believe and how much are you testing me?’
‘I just wish I had some of the answers.’
‘Well, why don’t you ask your friends these questions? You shouldn’t just nod dumbly at them saying, “Wowee, I never knew those Muslims were so dangerous.”’
‘How do you know all of this? How do you know you’re not wrong?’
‘Why are you asking me, then?’
‘I’m not doubting you. I just want to know. How do you know this is right?’
Sam got off his swing and gave it an angry shove. ‘It’s just stuff I talk about to my friends. I’m interested because we should be interested, and I’m interested because . . . well partly it’s because I’m in love with one of them. I love Rashad. He’s not even gay, it’s stupid. Nothing is ever going to happen.’
I got off my swing too and fought the urge to hug him. ‘Love is shit, Sam,’ I said.
‘Yeah. Well, it doesn’t have to be for you. Talk to him.’
‘I will,’ I said. I was so sure I would, right then. ‘I just want . . . I want your permission to like him.’
‘You have it.’ He looked at me. He rolled his eyes, as if the serious part was over. ‘You have it, Cassidy.’
‘I want you to like him.’
Sam stared at me, saying nothing for a few seconds. ‘Make him nice, then.’
A couple of days after that I was in a Chemistry class, copper-plating a screw, with Isobel as my lab partner.
‘Do you think it’ll work with my earrings?’ she said. ‘Let’s have a go.’ She snapped one into the crocodile clip and we redunked, until the big teardrop shape had a pretty little coppery bottom. ‘Result! What are you doing for lunch, by the way? Are you meeting, er, Jonah? Or do you fancy coming for a panini with us?’
‘Panini sounds great,’ I said. There was an Italian place a few streets away that made great sandwiches, but they were quite expensive, so we tended to only have them as a treat.
‘Great, I’ll just text Ian and see if he wants to come.’
‘Ian?’ I said. ‘And Sophie?’ I bit my lip.
‘Nah, not Soph,’ Isobel said. ‘Just me and my brother. Still fancy it?’ She looked up – she was already texting.
‘Yeah,’ I shrugged.
So at lunchtime, the three of us met up to sit on a wall, holding our paninis in their waxed-paper wrapping. It was warm enough but there were grey clouds over us and I hoped it wouldn’t start raining before we’d finished. Ian was teasing his little sister, and I was trying to laugh and look natural, but, honestly, I was uncomfortable. I wasn’t part of their gang any more.
‘How many sixth-formers are actually going to be at this Halloween bash, Ian?’ Isobel said at one point. ‘We know you guys are organising it, but are you just going to fleece us with big ticket prices and then leave us dancing to the
CBBC Party Album
with thirteen year olds?’
‘Are you talking about that charity one?’ I said. ‘The Moth Ball? That’s
only
for sixth-formers, isn’t it? It says so on the posters.’
‘There’s a new
‘But isn’t that Jonah’s point, that they are always going to hate us?
‘But
that
stuff is not about religion. So it’s crazy for Jonah to pretend that this is all British Muslims, that they’re going to hate us because we’re so liberal and they can’t stand it. Most people who are victims of prejudice tend to understand why it’s bad.’
‘It doesn’t have to be most, though, if there are enough people who want to kill us or change our laws.’
‘Cassidy, how much of this do you believe and how much are you testing me?’
‘I just wish I had some of the answers.’
‘Well, why don’t you ask your friends these questions? You shouldn’t just nod dumbly at them saying, “Wowee, I never knew those Muslims were so dangerous.”’
‘How do you know all of this? How do you know you’re not wrong?’
‘Why are you asking me, then?’
‘I’m not doubting you. I just want to know. How do you know this is right?’
Sam got off his swing and gave it an angry shove. ‘It’s just stuff I talk about to my friends. I’m interested because we should be interested, and I’m interested because . . . well partly it’s because I’m in love with one of them. I love Rashad. He’s not even gay, it’s stupid. Nothing is ever going to happen.’
I got off my swing too and fought the urge to hug him. ‘Love is shit, Sam,’ I said.
‘Yeah. Well, it doesn’t have to be for you. Talk to him.’
‘I will,’ I said. I was so sure I would, right then. ‘I just want . . . I want your permission to like him.’
‘You have it.’ He looked at me. He rolled his eyes, as if the serious part was over. ‘You have it, Cassidy.’
‘I want you to like him.’
Sam stared at me, saying nothing for a few seconds. ‘Make him nice, then.’
A couple of days after that I was in a Chemistry class, copper-plating a screw, with Isobel as my lab partner.
‘Do you think it’ll work with my earrings?’ she said. ‘Let’s have a go.’ She snapped one into the crocodile clip and we redunked, until the big teardrop shape had a pretty little coppery bottom. ‘Result! What are you doing for lunch, by the way? Are you meeting, er, Jonah? Or do you fancy coming for a panini with us?’
‘Panini sounds great,’ I said. There was an Italian place a few streets away that made great sandwiches, but they were quite expensive, so we tended to only have them as a treat.
‘Great, I’ll just text Ian and see if he wants to come.’
‘Ian?’ I said. ‘And Sophie?’ I bit my lip.
‘Nah, not Soph,’ Isobel said. ‘Just me and my brother. Still fancy it?’ She looked up – she was already texting.
‘Yeah,’ I shrugged.
So at lunchtime, the three of us met up to sit on a wall, holding our paninis in their waxed-paper wrapping. It was warm enough but there were grey clouds over us and I hoped it wouldn’t start raining before we’d finished. Ian was teasing his little sister, and I was trying to laugh and look natural, but, honestly, I was uncomfortable. I wasn’t part of their gang any more.
‘How many sixth-formers are actually going to be at this Halloween bash, Ian?’ Isobel said at one point. ‘We know you guys are organising it, but are you just going to fleece us with big ticket prices and then leave us dancing to the
CBBC Party Album
with thirteen year olds?’
‘Are you talking about that charity one?’ I said. ‘The Moth Ball? That’s
only
for sixth-formers, isn’t it? It says so on the posters.’
‘There’s a new
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