Lanky? And where might this lodge be found?”
“It’s, er, right up this trail a few miles.”
“Liar,” the officer barked. “This road leads nowhere save to the chateau of milady’s Aunt Prussic!”
“Are you sure of that?” Lafayette shot back.
“Certainly. Milady herself so informed me.”
“Well, your intelligence apparatus needs overhauling,” Lafayette snapped. “It’s the talk of the locker rooms that Lorenzo the Lanky lives up this way. Or maybe Lochinvar—or is it Lothario? ...”
“I fail to grasp the import of your slimy innuendos, varlet,” the captain said in a deadly tone. “Wouldst have me believe that milady deliberately misled me? That she in fact had arranged some clandestine rendezvous with this Lorenzo, here in the depths of the Chantspels?”
“It wouldn’t be very clandestine, with a dozen pony soldiers hanging around,” O’Leary pointed out.
“You mean—you think she ditched us on purpose?” The N.C.O. scowled ferociously.
“Use your heads,” Lafayette said. “If I’d taken her, do you think I’d leave her and come nosing back around here, just so you could catch me?”
“Enough of your vile implications, knave!” the captain barked. “Stand back, men! I’ll deal with this blackguard!”
“Hey, hold it, Cap,” the sergeant said, tugging at his forelock. “Begging the captain’s pardon, but what the guy says makes sense. It was her Ladyship that said we ought to go back and look for Whitey and Fred, right?”
“Yeah, and also, come to think about it, I never heard before about her having no aunt living out in the boondocks,” a trooper added.
“Preposterous,” the captain said in a tone lacking in conviction. “Her Ladyship would never thus cozen me, her faithful liegeman, in such fashion!”
“I dunno, Cap. Dames. Who knows from dames, what they might do?”
“Mind your tongue!” The captain yanked at his tunic with a decisive gesture. “I’ll soil my ears with no more of the knave’s preposterous inventions. On with the hanging!”
“Now, don’t be hasty, fellows,” O’Leary yelled. “I’m telling you the truth! Lady Andragorre is probably just a few miles ahead; we ought to be galloping to overtake her instead of standing around here arguing!”
“He seeks to mislead us!” the captain snapped. “Doubtless milady lies trussed where he left her, mere yards from this spot!”
“He’s out of his skull!” Lafayette protested. “He’s afraid to go after her! This is just an excuse to muddy the waters and turn back!”
“Enough! Prepare the criminal for execution!”
“Wait!” Lafayette cried as the noose dropped around his neck. “Can’t we settle this like gentlemen?”
A sudden silence fell. The sergeant was looking at the captain, who was frowning blackly at O’Leary.
“You demand the treatment accorded a gentleman? On what grounds?”
“I’m Sir Lafayette O’Leary, a—a charter member of the National Geographic Society!”
“Looks like he’s got something, Cap,” the sergeant said. “With credentials like them, you can’t hardly accord the guy short shrift.”
“He’s right,” Lafayette said hastily. “I’m sure that on sober reflection you can see it wouldn’t look at all well if you lynched me.”
“ ‘Tis a parlous waste of time,” the captain growled. “But—very well. Remove the rope.”
“Well, I’m glad we’re all going to be friends,” Lafayette said. “Now, I—”
“Out pistols!”
“Wha—what are you going to do with those?” Lafayette inquired as the troopers unlimbered foot-long horse pistols, busied themselves with flint and priming.
“Take up your stance against yon tree, sir knight,” the captain barked. “And be quick about it. We haven’t got all night!”
“Y-you mean this tree?” Lafayette half-stumbled over gnarly roots. “Why? What ...?”
“Ready, men! Aim!”
“Stop!” O’Leary called in a cracking voice. “You can’t shoot
“It’s, er, right up this trail a few miles.”
“Liar,” the officer barked. “This road leads nowhere save to the chateau of milady’s Aunt Prussic!”
“Are you sure of that?” Lafayette shot back.
“Certainly. Milady herself so informed me.”
“Well, your intelligence apparatus needs overhauling,” Lafayette snapped. “It’s the talk of the locker rooms that Lorenzo the Lanky lives up this way. Or maybe Lochinvar—or is it Lothario? ...”
“I fail to grasp the import of your slimy innuendos, varlet,” the captain said in a deadly tone. “Wouldst have me believe that milady deliberately misled me? That she in fact had arranged some clandestine rendezvous with this Lorenzo, here in the depths of the Chantspels?”
“It wouldn’t be very clandestine, with a dozen pony soldiers hanging around,” O’Leary pointed out.
“You mean—you think she ditched us on purpose?” The N.C.O. scowled ferociously.
“Use your heads,” Lafayette said. “If I’d taken her, do you think I’d leave her and come nosing back around here, just so you could catch me?”
“Enough of your vile implications, knave!” the captain barked. “Stand back, men! I’ll deal with this blackguard!”
“Hey, hold it, Cap,” the sergeant said, tugging at his forelock. “Begging the captain’s pardon, but what the guy says makes sense. It was her Ladyship that said we ought to go back and look for Whitey and Fred, right?”
“Yeah, and also, come to think about it, I never heard before about her having no aunt living out in the boondocks,” a trooper added.
“Preposterous,” the captain said in a tone lacking in conviction. “Her Ladyship would never thus cozen me, her faithful liegeman, in such fashion!”
“I dunno, Cap. Dames. Who knows from dames, what they might do?”
“Mind your tongue!” The captain yanked at his tunic with a decisive gesture. “I’ll soil my ears with no more of the knave’s preposterous inventions. On with the hanging!”
“Now, don’t be hasty, fellows,” O’Leary yelled. “I’m telling you the truth! Lady Andragorre is probably just a few miles ahead; we ought to be galloping to overtake her instead of standing around here arguing!”
“He seeks to mislead us!” the captain snapped. “Doubtless milady lies trussed where he left her, mere yards from this spot!”
“He’s out of his skull!” Lafayette protested. “He’s afraid to go after her! This is just an excuse to muddy the waters and turn back!”
“Enough! Prepare the criminal for execution!”
“Wait!” Lafayette cried as the noose dropped around his neck. “Can’t we settle this like gentlemen?”
A sudden silence fell. The sergeant was looking at the captain, who was frowning blackly at O’Leary.
“You demand the treatment accorded a gentleman? On what grounds?”
“I’m Sir Lafayette O’Leary, a—a charter member of the National Geographic Society!”
“Looks like he’s got something, Cap,” the sergeant said. “With credentials like them, you can’t hardly accord the guy short shrift.”
“He’s right,” Lafayette said hastily. “I’m sure that on sober reflection you can see it wouldn’t look at all well if you lynched me.”
“ ‘Tis a parlous waste of time,” the captain growled. “But—very well. Remove the rope.”
“Well, I’m glad we’re all going to be friends,” Lafayette said. “Now, I—”
“Out pistols!”
“Wha—what are you going to do with those?” Lafayette inquired as the troopers unlimbered foot-long horse pistols, busied themselves with flint and priming.
“Take up your stance against yon tree, sir knight,” the captain barked. “And be quick about it. We haven’t got all night!”
“Y-you mean this tree?” Lafayette half-stumbled over gnarly roots. “Why? What ...?”
“Ready, men! Aim!”
“Stop!” O’Leary called in a cracking voice. “You can’t shoot
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