The Wild Heart by David Menon Page B

I’ve gone over the top and made myself look desperate, I’m a complete idiot and … ‘
         ‘ … no, no, no, hang on’ said Mark, touching Ian’s arm. ‘ I just wasn’t expecting you to ask me but yes, I will move in with you, Ian’.
         ‘ You will?’
         ‘ As soon as I’ve rented out the house’ said Mark ‘ Of course I’ll have to clear that with our Simon but he’ll be cool’.
         Ian smiled with relief that he hadn’t fucked things up with Mark. ‘ I told you I was unravelling and it’s been hard for me. I’m still unravelling but I don’t feel scared anymore. There’s a reason why’.
         ‘ And what is it?’
         ‘ You’ve given me the strength to let go of the past, Mark. It’s the past that you’re unravelling me from’.
         ‘ So is this the moment when you open up to me about your past?’
         Ian knew that Mark wasn’t stupid and that as time went on he’d be able to join up the dots for himself. He didn’t want to lie to Mark. He just didn’t want to tell him the whole truth yet. He couldn’t. He couldn’t give it all away yet.
         ‘ I’ll tell you about Kenny’ said Ian. He cleared his throat. ‘ Kenny was my first boyfriend back in Ireland. We got together when we were both sixteen and were together for two years. Neither of our families knew because being gay in Ulster back then was akin to being a terrorist, still is in certain communities. Anyway, it was a Saturday morning and Kenny wanted me to go into Belfast with him but I was knackered. I was an apprentice builder and only two weeks into the job and I wanted to stay in bed. Kenny was studying in the sixth form and had a place at Queens University in Belfast to read English. He was going to be a teacher and once he’d qualified we were going to move over here to the mainland and set up home together wherever Kenny could’ve got a job. I can take my trade anywhere and we knew that to up sticks and move was the only way that we could give ourselves a chance to be happy’.
         ‘ So what happened?’ Mark asked nervously.
         ‘ I told Kenny I’d see him later’ Ian went on. ‘ We’d planned to go to a pub that night that was gay friendly and where nobody asked any questions’. He swallowed hard. ‘ But I never saw him again because that was the day the IRA decided to bomb the main shopping street in Belfast. Kenny was in the actual shop where the bomb went off. They say he wouldn’t have known anything’.  
         Mark’s heart broke for Ian. ‘ Ian, I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry’.
         ‘ It was a long time ago’ said Ian. ‘ But it’s kept a hold on my life ever since’.  
         ‘ And that’s why you couldn’t get involved with anyone’.
         ‘ I couldn’t let him go’ said Ian ‘ That is, not until now’.
     
         Natalie hadn’t been to the offices of the company where her father worked for years but it hadn’t changed much. It was still a two-storey square building from the seventies with the same high security wall all around it.
         ‘ Who is it you’re here to see?’ asked the guard at the gate.
         ‘ My father Richard Patterson’ Natalie answered ‘ He’s expecting me’.
         The guard, who was in his early fifties and had a build that made him look like he ate all his dinners, smiled as he looked her up and down like most men did. He should keep his filthy eyes to himself.
         ‘ Hello, Natalie’ said her father from his office door ‘ Come in, will you’. He stood back to let her through and said to his secretary ‘ No calls, Jane’.
         There was a large desk in Richard’s office but he led Natalie to the two lounge chairs where he held his more informal meetings. He sat down in one and Natalie took the other. She looked uncomfortable. She’d yet to look him in the eye. She was dressed up to the nines but she was his little girl