were shined, I was close shaven, my teeth sparkled. Had the weather been better I’d have worn white flannel trousers and walked upon the beach. Instead I sat beside Susan on a banquette in Rive Gauche and ordered beer.
Susan said “Dewar’s and water” to the waiter. Off to our right there was a family group, obviously mother and father with son and daughter-in-law. The old man was explaining to the son and daughter-in-law what a really world class big deal he was. Occasionally the mother chimed in that yes, he really was a big deal. The son and his wife listened in glum silence, the daughter-in-law forcing a bright smile through it all. Obviously the parents were paying.
There were few other people in the room. The howling storm had paralyzed Washington as drifts of nearly an inch and a half had piled up along some major arteries.
The waiter brought our drinks. Dewar’s and water,“ I said.
”Yes. I don’t care really, but everyone at work says if you don’t order by name they give you bar whiskey.“
I drank a little beer. Molson. Rive Gauche didn’t have Rolling Rock Extra Pale either. The All World Big Deal at the next table was telling his kid about how tough you had to be to prevail in business and giving a number of examples of how tough he’d recently been.
”Lonely at the top,“ I said to Susan.
”But not quiet,“ Susan said.
”How about I threaten to kill him if he doesn’t shut up.“
”It would probably work, but the rest of the evening might be a bit strained.“
”I know. The world is never simple, is it?“
Susan shrugged. ”He’s excited by his success. He wants to pass along to his son some of what he knows. He’s showing off a little. I’m not sure it’s a capital offense.“
”He’s showing off for the daughter-in-law,“ I said.
Susan shrugged again, and smiled. ”He’s male.“
The waiter appeared to take our order. I ordered pigeon stuffed with cabbage. Susan ordered sole Veronique. I asked for a wine list. The Big Deal listed some people he’d recently fired. I studied the wine list. Control. If I concentrated on Susan and dinner and wine, I could block the guy out. It was simply a matter of control. The wine steward came by. I ordered Gewurtztramminer. He smiled approvingly, as they always do, took the wine list, and departed.
The Big Deal explained to his son some of the ways the son could improve professionally. I could feel the muscles bunch a bit behind my shoulders. Susan noticed my shrug to loosen them.
”Getting to you, is he?“ she said.
”Takes his work seriously,“ I said.
”Don’t you?“
”Not as seriously as I take you,“ I said.
The food arrived, and the wine. We were quiet while it was served.
When the servants had departed, Susan said, ”Is there an implied criticism there?“
I didn’t answer.
”Do you think I take my work more seriously than I take you?“
”At the risk of oversimplification,“ I said, ”yes.“
”Because my work has taken me away?“
”In part.“
”Your work takes you away. How is that different?“
”When I leave, I leave because I must,“ I said. ”You could have stayed in Boston.“ Susan started to speak. I made a stop sign with my hand. ”It’s more than that. You went willingly, you aren’t…“ The more I talked the more churlish it sounded. It wasn’t churlish inside. ”You aren’t sorry. You’re having a good time.“
”And you’d like it better if I weren’t?“
When I had been a small boy someone told me that the blood in your veins was blue, the way it looked through the skin, and that it only turned red when you exposed it to air. What I felt was one thing when I kept it in. It changed color entirely when I exposed it.
”I would like it better if you seemed to be missing me more.“
Susan drank some of her wine and put the glass down very carefully, as if the table were shaky. She looked at the glass for a time, as if it were something she’d suddenly
Susan said “Dewar’s and water” to the waiter. Off to our right there was a family group, obviously mother and father with son and daughter-in-law. The old man was explaining to the son and daughter-in-law what a really world class big deal he was. Occasionally the mother chimed in that yes, he really was a big deal. The son and his wife listened in glum silence, the daughter-in-law forcing a bright smile through it all. Obviously the parents were paying.
There were few other people in the room. The howling storm had paralyzed Washington as drifts of nearly an inch and a half had piled up along some major arteries.
The waiter brought our drinks. Dewar’s and water,“ I said.
”Yes. I don’t care really, but everyone at work says if you don’t order by name they give you bar whiskey.“
I drank a little beer. Molson. Rive Gauche didn’t have Rolling Rock Extra Pale either. The All World Big Deal at the next table was telling his kid about how tough you had to be to prevail in business and giving a number of examples of how tough he’d recently been.
”Lonely at the top,“ I said to Susan.
”But not quiet,“ Susan said.
”How about I threaten to kill him if he doesn’t shut up.“
”It would probably work, but the rest of the evening might be a bit strained.“
”I know. The world is never simple, is it?“
Susan shrugged. ”He’s excited by his success. He wants to pass along to his son some of what he knows. He’s showing off a little. I’m not sure it’s a capital offense.“
”He’s showing off for the daughter-in-law,“ I said.
Susan shrugged again, and smiled. ”He’s male.“
The waiter appeared to take our order. I ordered pigeon stuffed with cabbage. Susan ordered sole Veronique. I asked for a wine list. The Big Deal listed some people he’d recently fired. I studied the wine list. Control. If I concentrated on Susan and dinner and wine, I could block the guy out. It was simply a matter of control. The wine steward came by. I ordered Gewurtztramminer. He smiled approvingly, as they always do, took the wine list, and departed.
The Big Deal explained to his son some of the ways the son could improve professionally. I could feel the muscles bunch a bit behind my shoulders. Susan noticed my shrug to loosen them.
”Getting to you, is he?“ she said.
”Takes his work seriously,“ I said.
”Don’t you?“
”Not as seriously as I take you,“ I said.
The food arrived, and the wine. We were quiet while it was served.
When the servants had departed, Susan said, ”Is there an implied criticism there?“
I didn’t answer.
”Do you think I take my work more seriously than I take you?“
”At the risk of oversimplification,“ I said, ”yes.“
”Because my work has taken me away?“
”In part.“
”Your work takes you away. How is that different?“
”When I leave, I leave because I must,“ I said. ”You could have stayed in Boston.“ Susan started to speak. I made a stop sign with my hand. ”It’s more than that. You went willingly, you aren’t…“ The more I talked the more churlish it sounded. It wasn’t churlish inside. ”You aren’t sorry. You’re having a good time.“
”And you’d like it better if I weren’t?“
When I had been a small boy someone told me that the blood in your veins was blue, the way it looked through the skin, and that it only turned red when you exposed it to air. What I felt was one thing when I kept it in. It changed color entirely when I exposed it.
”I would like it better if you seemed to be missing me more.“
Susan drank some of her wine and put the glass down very carefully, as if the table were shaky. She looked at the glass for a time, as if it were something she’d suddenly
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