The Vegas Diaries: Romance, Rolling the Dice, and the Road to Reinvention by Holly Madison Page A

talking for me. While it was attention and affection I wanted, the extreme nature of my look perhaps went above and beyond what I was going for, sending the wrong message.
    The loose story line of Peepshow involves the main character being a busy career woman with no time for love. In the show, Bo Peep falls into a dream world, where more confident women, in the form of grown-up versions of nursery rhyme characters, demonstrate to Bo what it means to be a strong, self-assured woman, comfortable with her sexuality. In the show, Bo Peep finds her man only after she finds her confidence in herself. Though it wasn’t a goal I actually wrote down, confidence in myself was perhaps the thing I needed to achieve most during this period of my life.
    My first official week starring in Peepshow happened to land in the middle of June, during Vegas’s busy summer season. There were no “friends and family” performances, so my first night onstage was for a paying audience. To say I was nervous was an understatement! I had a grand total of two live shows before journalists descended on my “press night,” where my stage presence would be reviewed and critiqued for the world. I wasn’t a talented dancer by any means, so I knew I was going to have to connect with the audience on another level, strictly with personality, enthusiasm, and charm. Luckily, in spite of the nerves that had my dancing feet practically shaking, I got through the show and had an amazing time doing it. As I stood at the end of the middle runway after the final number, covered in rhinestones and white feathers, I was handed bouquet after bouquet of red roses. The audience was on their feet in a standing ovation. I couldn’t believe it! I grinned at my costars on either side of me, my friend Josh and another Broadway singer, Shoshana Bean. I felt like a Ziegfeld Follies star from long ago.
    My first few weeks in Peepshow went by in a joyous blur. I bonded with the cast, quickly growing attached to the group. It was easy to forget that most of them, including Kent, would be heading back to New Yorkin only a matter of months. Or maybe I was just in denial, because I wasn’t ready to lose this new, albeit makeshift, family. I always arrived backstage two hours before showtime to have a snack and start my hair and makeup (which I insisted on doing myself). The cast would constantly socialize during the day and backstage before the show, and usually hung out at a restaurant or nightclub afterward, too.
    Sometimes we would attend one of the pool parties in town, but we quickly learned to save those outings for our days off. Being out in the stifling heat and blistering sun all day (particularly if you’ve had a cocktail) could easily wipe you out before a performance. July Fourth was always one of the biggest days for poolside celebrations, but since we had a show that night, we didn’t go out to celebrate in the typical Vegas fashion. Between performances, I was suffering from a bit of Fear of Missing Out Syndrome, due to opting out of the Independence Day festivities, when one of the dancers shouted, “The fireworks are starting!” A stampede of cast and crew made a mad dash to the back service entrance behind the stage that led out onto a large balcony with a view of the Strip.
    “Don’t go back there barefoot!” the stage manager called after me. I grabbed my flesh-toned satin heels and placed them back on my feet. I pushed my way out the door just in time to see an enormous red burst light up the sky. I noticed Kent standing off to the side and squeezed my way through the crowd toward him. Napoleon, a little blond mutt Laura had helped me pick out from a pet adoption fair, bounded out behind me. He jumped on Kent, wagging his tail and barking. He loved Kent as much as I did. The display lasted just a few minutes, with a dramatic climax of giant red, white, and blue blooms exploding across the sky. Slowly people began to trickle back inside, but Kent waited