has the imagination to postulate all
possibilities is automatically a paranoiac."
"I don't see . . . well, of course, there could be a very slight possibility.
But even so, she is, at this moment anyway, not important. What is vital
is that monster that shoots meteorites, isn't it?"
"Obviously."
"And you won't tell me what it is?"
"When you get to a certain place and meet certain persons, if you ever do,
that is, then I'll tell you. Though by then I may not have to."
Ramstan struck the top of the table with his fist.
"I am enjoying this splendid display of emotion, even if it hurts me
somewhat," the glyfa said. "At the same time, I regret that you do not
have better self-control."
Doctor Hu's voice came from the bulkhead.
"Captain! The Webnite wishes to speak to you. She says it's very urgent.
It's my opinion, sir, that she hasn't long to live."
... 11 ...
Davis stood by Wassruss, holding one of the huge webbed hands with her
two hands. Hu was looking at an oscilloscope screen on which a green
horizontal line was displaying tiny sawteeth at irregular intervals.
A medical technician was adjusting the dials on a panel.
Hu turned away from the screen and started when she saw Ramstan.
"You must have run."
Ramstan did not reply. He walked to the container in which Wassruss
floated. She rolled her huge head toward him and fixed her great seal's
eyes upon him. They were bright enough, but he thought he could see
something like frosted glass deep within them.
She spoke for a long time. Branwen Davis finally said something, and
the Webnite stopped.
"She's going too fast for me," Branwen said. "I asked her to start over
again."
Wassruss opened her mouth and took in a great amount of air. Then, slowly,
she repeated herself, pausing now and then to allow Davis to interpret.
"I, Wassruss of the Violet Isle, will soon be dead. I had hoped to live
long enough to see my native sea, the deep blue waters around the rocky,
pine-grown Violet Isle, before I died. But my life is draining away faster
than I had thought. The Tssokh'azgd did that to me; it tore my soul to
shreds. You do not see the creature that devours all life and remain
the same being. You know then how insignificant and meaningless you are,
what a cipher, what a tiny piece of meat. The you, that is, the I that
thinks itself the center of the universe, the goal of the cosmos, the
being from which all things spread out and return to, becomes suddenly
and irrecoverably dwindled, cut off, alone. It is no longer the source
and resource of the world. It is alone, unconnected, a nothing. Without
a history, with no love from anyone and no love for itself.
"It suddenly realizes, not intellectually but in the deepest part of
its cells, that it is without hope and always has been. That it doesn't
deserve hope and should never have wished for it. That in the beginning
was nothing, that there has always been, behind the appearance of
something, nothing, that there will always be nothing.
"That we are masks with no faces behind them, unless the void has a face ."
Wassruss stopped talking. The only sound was her heavy breathing. Branwen
still held the Webnite's hand; her expression had become even more sad.
Hu shook her head. The technician slipped out of the room. Ramstan saw that
the frosted glass in Wassruss's eyes had floated up from the depths.
Presently, Wassruss withdrew her hand from Branwen's hands and reached
with it into the belly pouch. It came out holding the three objects that
Ramstan had seen on his first visit.
These were the gifts of which she had spoken.
Wassruss held all three in the palm of her hand, which was extended to
Ramstan. But when he put his hand out to take them, she closed her fingers.
"I must tell you something about the
possibilities is automatically a paranoiac."
"I don't see . . . well, of course, there could be a very slight possibility.
But even so, she is, at this moment anyway, not important. What is vital
is that monster that shoots meteorites, isn't it?"
"Obviously."
"And you won't tell me what it is?"
"When you get to a certain place and meet certain persons, if you ever do,
that is, then I'll tell you. Though by then I may not have to."
Ramstan struck the top of the table with his fist.
"I am enjoying this splendid display of emotion, even if it hurts me
somewhat," the glyfa said. "At the same time, I regret that you do not
have better self-control."
Doctor Hu's voice came from the bulkhead.
"Captain! The Webnite wishes to speak to you. She says it's very urgent.
It's my opinion, sir, that she hasn't long to live."
... 11 ...
Davis stood by Wassruss, holding one of the huge webbed hands with her
two hands. Hu was looking at an oscilloscope screen on which a green
horizontal line was displaying tiny sawteeth at irregular intervals.
A medical technician was adjusting the dials on a panel.
Hu turned away from the screen and started when she saw Ramstan.
"You must have run."
Ramstan did not reply. He walked to the container in which Wassruss
floated. She rolled her huge head toward him and fixed her great seal's
eyes upon him. They were bright enough, but he thought he could see
something like frosted glass deep within them.
She spoke for a long time. Branwen Davis finally said something, and
the Webnite stopped.
"She's going too fast for me," Branwen said. "I asked her to start over
again."
Wassruss opened her mouth and took in a great amount of air. Then, slowly,
she repeated herself, pausing now and then to allow Davis to interpret.
"I, Wassruss of the Violet Isle, will soon be dead. I had hoped to live
long enough to see my native sea, the deep blue waters around the rocky,
pine-grown Violet Isle, before I died. But my life is draining away faster
than I had thought. The Tssokh'azgd did that to me; it tore my soul to
shreds. You do not see the creature that devours all life and remain
the same being. You know then how insignificant and meaningless you are,
what a cipher, what a tiny piece of meat. The you, that is, the I that
thinks itself the center of the universe, the goal of the cosmos, the
being from which all things spread out and return to, becomes suddenly
and irrecoverably dwindled, cut off, alone. It is no longer the source
and resource of the world. It is alone, unconnected, a nothing. Without
a history, with no love from anyone and no love for itself.
"It suddenly realizes, not intellectually but in the deepest part of
its cells, that it is without hope and always has been. That it doesn't
deserve hope and should never have wished for it. That in the beginning
was nothing, that there has always been, behind the appearance of
something, nothing, that there will always be nothing.
"That we are masks with no faces behind them, unless the void has a face ."
Wassruss stopped talking. The only sound was her heavy breathing. Branwen
still held the Webnite's hand; her expression had become even more sad.
Hu shook her head. The technician slipped out of the room. Ramstan saw that
the frosted glass in Wassruss's eyes had floated up from the depths.
Presently, Wassruss withdrew her hand from Branwen's hands and reached
with it into the belly pouch. It came out holding the three objects that
Ramstan had seen on his first visit.
These were the gifts of which she had spoken.
Wassruss held all three in the palm of her hand, which was extended to
Ramstan. But when he put his hand out to take them, she closed her fingers.
"I must tell you something about the
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