and all my senses being overloaded by the delectable feel of his body against mine.
Sex was never like this before. Never this good.
Life was never this good before Rio.
From the moment we met, he changed everything.
The way I look. The way I feel. The person I know myself to be.
I sigh happily and rub my hand over his massive shoulder. “I love you,” I whisper on a sigh.
I’m met with silence, but I’m too relaxed to worry about it. I glance over at Rio to see if he’s fallen asleep, and I realize he hasn’t. There’s a faraway look in his eyes, and his jaw ticks.
A few minutes later he rolls over and puts his feet to the floor, then I hear him putting on his clothes.
I lean up on an elbow and watch him pull on his gym shorts. “Going somewhere?” I ask with a smile.
“Yeah, I’ve got a practice fight tomorrow so…I need to go home and get a good night sleep.”
“You can sleep here,” I say, expecting him to say something flirty about how neither of us would get any sleep if we spent the night together. But he doesn’t. He doesn’t say anything at all. Just pulls his t-shirt on over his head, then grabs his hand wraps off the floor and stuffs them into his gym bag.
“Is everything okay?” I ask.
“Yeah, I just need to get going.” He grabs his gym bag. “Early day tomorrow and all that.” He reaches over and tousles my hair. “See you later, December. Have a good one.” Then he walks out of my bedroom and a minute later, I hear the front door shut.
I lay there confused and bewildered. And then I start to feel really sad. Did he really just tell me to have a good one? I remember him telling me about his multiple fuck buddies, and I imagine that he must’ve said goodbye to them the same way. And for the first time, I feel un-special. Like I’m just one of many to enjoy his gorgeous body and sexual expertise, but nothing more.
Nothing more.
I remember wanting a fling with Rio, and knowing I’d be okay with it, okay with being nothing more. But now I’ve gotten exactly what I wanted, and my heart is breaking.
I pull the covers up to my chin, feeling dirty and used and discarded—and embarrassed at how much I’d exposed to him. How vulnerable I’d allowed myself to be, letting myself go and showing him everything . Doing things I never would have imagined doing with anyone, and doing them with complete trust and reckless abandon. Things that made me euphoric while they were happening, but now make me feel the exact opposite.
I need to get out of this bed. It smells like him and it’s making my heart ache.
I pull on sweats and drag my comforter out to the living room, where I sit on the couch without turning on the lights. Sitting alone in the dark for a long time, I replay the way Rio left in my mind, starting with the moment I told him I loved him and ending with the thump of the front door closing, in a long endless loop.
I hate myself for loving him, for telling him that I love him like some silly romantic idiot. And I hate him even more for not loving me back.
Chapter 24
Unworthy
As it happens, I don’t have a training session with Rio for another two days. I didn’t hear from him the day after he left, and I can’t stand the thought of going through our next session at the gym acting as if something weird and confusing didn’t just happen. So after giving him a day to get his head together, I drive over to his apartment.
Never being one for games, I need to know where we stand.
When he answers the door, he looks surprised to see me. “Ember, what are you doing here?” He doesn’t invite me in, and for a minute I wonder if he has another girl over.
“Can we talk?” I ask sadly, crossing my arms.
“Anything for you, December,” he says. He opens the door and I see that the TV is turned to an episode of The Real Housewives. He quickly shuts it off, then sits on the couch. “What do you want to
Sex was never like this before. Never this good.
Life was never this good before Rio.
From the moment we met, he changed everything.
The way I look. The way I feel. The person I know myself to be.
I sigh happily and rub my hand over his massive shoulder. “I love you,” I whisper on a sigh.
I’m met with silence, but I’m too relaxed to worry about it. I glance over at Rio to see if he’s fallen asleep, and I realize he hasn’t. There’s a faraway look in his eyes, and his jaw ticks.
A few minutes later he rolls over and puts his feet to the floor, then I hear him putting on his clothes.
I lean up on an elbow and watch him pull on his gym shorts. “Going somewhere?” I ask with a smile.
“Yeah, I’ve got a practice fight tomorrow so…I need to go home and get a good night sleep.”
“You can sleep here,” I say, expecting him to say something flirty about how neither of us would get any sleep if we spent the night together. But he doesn’t. He doesn’t say anything at all. Just pulls his t-shirt on over his head, then grabs his hand wraps off the floor and stuffs them into his gym bag.
“Is everything okay?” I ask.
“Yeah, I just need to get going.” He grabs his gym bag. “Early day tomorrow and all that.” He reaches over and tousles my hair. “See you later, December. Have a good one.” Then he walks out of my bedroom and a minute later, I hear the front door shut.
I lay there confused and bewildered. And then I start to feel really sad. Did he really just tell me to have a good one? I remember him telling me about his multiple fuck buddies, and I imagine that he must’ve said goodbye to them the same way. And for the first time, I feel un-special. Like I’m just one of many to enjoy his gorgeous body and sexual expertise, but nothing more.
Nothing more.
I remember wanting a fling with Rio, and knowing I’d be okay with it, okay with being nothing more. But now I’ve gotten exactly what I wanted, and my heart is breaking.
I pull the covers up to my chin, feeling dirty and used and discarded—and embarrassed at how much I’d exposed to him. How vulnerable I’d allowed myself to be, letting myself go and showing him everything . Doing things I never would have imagined doing with anyone, and doing them with complete trust and reckless abandon. Things that made me euphoric while they were happening, but now make me feel the exact opposite.
I need to get out of this bed. It smells like him and it’s making my heart ache.
I pull on sweats and drag my comforter out to the living room, where I sit on the couch without turning on the lights. Sitting alone in the dark for a long time, I replay the way Rio left in my mind, starting with the moment I told him I loved him and ending with the thump of the front door closing, in a long endless loop.
I hate myself for loving him, for telling him that I love him like some silly romantic idiot. And I hate him even more for not loving me back.
Chapter 24
Unworthy
As it happens, I don’t have a training session with Rio for another two days. I didn’t hear from him the day after he left, and I can’t stand the thought of going through our next session at the gym acting as if something weird and confusing didn’t just happen. So after giving him a day to get his head together, I drive over to his apartment.
Never being one for games, I need to know where we stand.
When he answers the door, he looks surprised to see me. “Ember, what are you doing here?” He doesn’t invite me in, and for a minute I wonder if he has another girl over.
“Can we talk?” I ask sadly, crossing my arms.
“Anything for you, December,” he says. He opens the door and I see that the TV is turned to an episode of The Real Housewives. He quickly shuts it off, then sits on the couch. “What do you want to
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