wanted quite so blatant a gesture. This must be in part why Her Grace has insisted on staying. Now that she knows Robert’s ploy, she will try to exploit it to reach her brother.” He regarded me. “I wish you had more time to consider, but as you can surmise, time is the one commodity we lack. We may have only a few days remaining in which to save her.”
I glanced toward the window. I saw a woman enter the garden, leading a limping child by the hand. She smiled as the boy pointed to something I couldn’t see on the river, perhaps a passing boat or flock of swans. She bent over to kiss his cheek, tucking a stray curl under his cap.
Desolation opened in me. I was reminded in that moment of Mistress Alice and, less tenderly, of Master Shelton. The steward would never forgive me for what he could only deem as a betrayal of the family that had kept me alive. But Alice would have understood. Of all the lessons she had instilled in me, the one closest to my heart was being true to one’s self.
But I’d never had the opportunity to exercise that truth. A foundling and probable bastard, a servant with nothing to my name, I had spent my life struggling to survive. I had never looked beyond the demands of the day, except when it came to studying, and that was just so I could get better at surviving. Still, I couldn’t deny that I craved the freedom to make my own destiny, to become the man I wanted to be, not the one my birth condemned me to.
I returned my gaze to Cecil. “What is it you want of me?”
He smiled. “Perhaps the question should be: What do you want? I should think that at the least you’ll expect to be paid.”
I knew what I wanted. What I didn’t know was whether I should trust him with it, even if the situation told me I couldn’t trust anyone else. The question burned inside me unspoken, demanding an answer I wasn’t sure I should seek. What had he said?
The truth is rarely what we hope for.…
I wondered if he was right.
“You needn’t decide right now,” Cecil said. “For now, I can promise you freedom from drudgery for the rest of your days, as well as a permanent post in my service.” He reached for a ledger. A brief silence ensued. Then he said with uncanny insight, “In my experience, however, men usually hunger for more than material appeasement. Do you? Hunger, that is?”
He looked up. I wondered if he saw my hesitation. I recalled again the words that had passed between Lady Dudley and the duchess of Suffolk. There was a truth there, tangled and twisted. But I found I couldn’t speak of it. I couldn’t entrust everything to this man. In the final say, he was still a stranger to me.
When he next spoke, his voice was low. “I make it my duty to study those who cross my path, and you are someone who carries a secret. You hide it well, but I can see it. And if I can, so will others. Take care to guard yourself, lest one day it’s used against you when you least expect it.”
He paused. “I should also tell you that my role in this matter must remain anonymous,” he added. “The princess’s safety must come first, above all else. It goes without saying that you must also follow my orders without deviation or question. Do you understand? Any change you make could put you, and consequently our plan, in danger. You are not the only one working to save her. You will have to learn to trust even those whom you do not like or know.”
I took a deep breath. “I understand.”
“Good. For now, you will continue to attend Lord Robert. Watch everything he says and does. You will be advised of how to report your information when the time comes, as well as any changes in our plans.” From his stack of ledgers he took a folder. He opened it before me. “Herein is a scaled map of Greenwich. Memorize it. I’m not certain when, but I believe that at some time during the festivities for Guilford and Lady Jane’s wedding, the duke will make his move. Before he does, we must get the
I glanced toward the window. I saw a woman enter the garden, leading a limping child by the hand. She smiled as the boy pointed to something I couldn’t see on the river, perhaps a passing boat or flock of swans. She bent over to kiss his cheek, tucking a stray curl under his cap.
Desolation opened in me. I was reminded in that moment of Mistress Alice and, less tenderly, of Master Shelton. The steward would never forgive me for what he could only deem as a betrayal of the family that had kept me alive. But Alice would have understood. Of all the lessons she had instilled in me, the one closest to my heart was being true to one’s self.
But I’d never had the opportunity to exercise that truth. A foundling and probable bastard, a servant with nothing to my name, I had spent my life struggling to survive. I had never looked beyond the demands of the day, except when it came to studying, and that was just so I could get better at surviving. Still, I couldn’t deny that I craved the freedom to make my own destiny, to become the man I wanted to be, not the one my birth condemned me to.
I returned my gaze to Cecil. “What is it you want of me?”
He smiled. “Perhaps the question should be: What do you want? I should think that at the least you’ll expect to be paid.”
I knew what I wanted. What I didn’t know was whether I should trust him with it, even if the situation told me I couldn’t trust anyone else. The question burned inside me unspoken, demanding an answer I wasn’t sure I should seek. What had he said?
The truth is rarely what we hope for.…
I wondered if he was right.
“You needn’t decide right now,” Cecil said. “For now, I can promise you freedom from drudgery for the rest of your days, as well as a permanent post in my service.” He reached for a ledger. A brief silence ensued. Then he said with uncanny insight, “In my experience, however, men usually hunger for more than material appeasement. Do you? Hunger, that is?”
He looked up. I wondered if he saw my hesitation. I recalled again the words that had passed between Lady Dudley and the duchess of Suffolk. There was a truth there, tangled and twisted. But I found I couldn’t speak of it. I couldn’t entrust everything to this man. In the final say, he was still a stranger to me.
When he next spoke, his voice was low. “I make it my duty to study those who cross my path, and you are someone who carries a secret. You hide it well, but I can see it. And if I can, so will others. Take care to guard yourself, lest one day it’s used against you when you least expect it.”
He paused. “I should also tell you that my role in this matter must remain anonymous,” he added. “The princess’s safety must come first, above all else. It goes without saying that you must also follow my orders without deviation or question. Do you understand? Any change you make could put you, and consequently our plan, in danger. You are not the only one working to save her. You will have to learn to trust even those whom you do not like or know.”
I took a deep breath. “I understand.”
“Good. For now, you will continue to attend Lord Robert. Watch everything he says and does. You will be advised of how to report your information when the time comes, as well as any changes in our plans.” From his stack of ledgers he took a folder. He opened it before me. “Herein is a scaled map of Greenwich. Memorize it. I’m not certain when, but I believe that at some time during the festivities for Guilford and Lady Jane’s wedding, the duke will make his move. Before he does, we must get the
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