The Touch of Bliss — A Sensual Reckoning (Muse of Shadow) by Caelyn Alba Page A

ironic given the darkness of my
thoughts. I felt all the trainer’s tips and schedule information forgotten as
soon as it was spoken, but I smiled with a polite That sounds wonderful at
intervals. I was always better at listening.
    By the time I’d made it to my room, I had resolved to not leave
it for the next eight days.
    All of this is a mistake, because mistakes are what you do
best. Thinking that coming here would help get your mind off him. But all you
can feel now is the emptiness in the room that he would have filled.
    It was a beautiful room, for all that. White and pristine, all
chrome and lacquered hardwood. The clean European style that D___ liked.
    I spent some time at the vast picture window overlooking the
vineyards below.
    I spent some time on the bed. I cried for a while, but not for as
long as I thought I would.
    I ordered in room service. I ate alone. I drank three glasses of
wine from the complimentary bottle of red at the dark oak breakfast nook. I had
a long bath in the open-to-the-living-room tub, with its view of the falling
dark through the floor-to-ceiling windows. None of it did anything to ease the
tension and the darkness inside me.
    As I was toweling off, I saw a white paper slipped in under the
door. BLISS, it said across the top.It was a spa schedule, as I
saw when I padded over to pick it up. I’d already looked at it, another copy still
sitting where I’d left it on the room’s massive oak desk.
    This one had a section highlighted, though. 9 p.m. to 10
p.m. — European Style — Clothing Optional Sauna, Hot Tub,
Steam Room.
    I’d heard that from the trainer who showed me around the
facilities. Something else that D___ would have liked, I thought numbly. We’d
never done any clothing optional vacationing before, but he always liked to
show me off.
    Left to my own devices, I was typically more comfortable in
t-shirt and shorts than anything else. But even for the drive up, I’d worn the
thigh-hugging skirt and the tight mesh top I’d bought for the holiday that
wasn’t happening now. I was wearing a camisole under the mesh today, but I’d
gone without when I modeled it for him weeks ago. Before things had gone so bad.
I went braless for D___ whenever he asked, conscious of how good it made him
feel for me to be so exposed in public. The few times we’d been to the nude
beach at Magnuson Park at his suggestion, he talked about how he liked to put
me on display. Always spending more time watching other guys looking at me than
he spent looking at other women.
    Almost before I realized I was doing it, I had slipped on the spa
robe and sandals from outside the bathroom instead of digging my nightshirt out
of my suitcase.
    You want to feel like it was before. You want to feel brand new…
    On the long drive up, I realized how long it had been since I was
happy. But even more frustrating, no matter how hard I tried, it seemed as if I
couldn’t remember how to be happy anymore.
    Something needed to change. I needed to change.
    I had decided to make use of the reservation D___ had made for us
because in the blank pain that settled inside me after he walked out, I told
myself that I could enjoy myself without him. That I could be me again.
    Time for you to figure out what that means…
     
    BLISS was busy that night but not overly so. Maybe two
dozen people were scattered across a stylish lounge decked out in wicker and white
tile, getting ready for or cooling off after massage sessions and yoga. I could
see roughly the same number partaking of the saunas and baths beyond, about
half of whom appeared to be taking advantage of European hour. I’ve never been
much of a voyeur, so I had no problem keeping my gaze to myself. I didn’t
recognize either of the attendants on duty from my earlier tour, but I smiled
politely and shook my head when they asked if I needed help with anything.
    What I needed was the hot tub, I thought. A place to try again to
drain away the worry that still flooded