The Throwback

The Throwback by Tom Sharpe Page A

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Authors: Tom Sharpe
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with calculating hatred.
    ‘Does nothing then provoke you to reply? No, but I know your thoughts; time runneth on; the metronome of heartbeats swings more slow and soon my threnody, a little premature perhaps, will cease. The grave I lie in will give you satisfaction. Let me forestall it for you, ma’am. And now the bastard Flawse. Have you defiance, sir, or did your education din it out of you?’
    ‘Go to hell,’ said Lockhart.
    The old man smiled. ‘Better, better, but prompted allthe same. I told you what to say and you obeyed. But here’s a better test.’ Mr Flawse turned and took a battleaxe from the wall and held it out.
    ‘Take it, bastard,’ he said. ‘Take the axe.’
    Lockhart rose and took it.
    ‘It was the custom of the Norsemen when a man grew old to cleave him headless with an axe,’ continued Mr Flawse, ‘it was the duty of his eldest son. Now having none but you, a ditch-born bastard grandson, take on the onus of this act and—’
    ‘No,’ said Jessica, rising from her chair and grabbing the axe from Lockhart. ‘I won’t have it. You’ve got no right to put temptation in his way.’
    The old man clapped his hands. ‘Bravo. Now that’s more like it. The bitch has better spirit than the dog. A flicker of spirit but spirit all the same. And I salute it. Mr Bullstrode, read the will.’ And, exhausted by his rhetoric, old Mr Flawse sat down. Mr Bullstrode rose theatrically and opened the will.
    ‘I, Edwin of Tyndale Flawse, being of sound mind and feeble yet sufficient body to sustain my mind, do hereby leave bequeath and devise all my worldly goods chattels property and land to my wife, Mrs Cynthia Flawse, for to have and to hold in trust and in use until her own death demise departure from this place which place being defined more closely is the radius of one mile from Flawse Hall and on condition that she do not sell mortgage rent borrow pledge or pawn a single or multiple of the possessions so bequeathed left and devised and inno way improves alters adds or amends the amenities of the said property possession chattels and house but subsists upon the income alone in recognition of which undertaking she signs herewith this will as being a binding contract to obey its strictures.’
    Mr Bullstrode put down the will and looked at Mrs Flawse. ‘Will you so sign?’ he asked, but Mrs Flawse was in a flux of emotions. The old man had lived up to his word after all. He had left her his entire estate. Coming so shortly after being compared to a vulture this act of generosity had thrown her calculating compass off course. She needed time to think. It was denied her.
    ‘Sign, ma’am,’ said Mr Flawse, ‘or the will becomes null and void in so far as it appertains to you.’
    Mrs Flawse took the pen and signed and her signature was witnessed by the two tenant farmers.
    ‘Continue, Mr Bullstrode,’ said the old man almost gaily, and Mr Bullstrode took up the will again.
    ‘To my grandson Lockhart Flawse I leave nothing except my name until and unless he shall have produced in physical form the person of his natural father which father shall be proved to the satisfaction of my executor Mr Bullstrode or his successors to be the actual and admitted and undoubted father of the said Lockhart and shall have signed an affidavit to that effect which affidavit having been signed he shall be flogged by the said Lockhart to within an inch of his life. In the event of these aforestated conditions in regard to the proof of hispaternity having been met the terms of the will in respect of my wife Cynthia Flawse as stated above her freely given signature shall and will become automatically null and void and the estate property chattels land and possessions pass in toto to my grandson Lockhart Flawse to do with whatsoever he chooses. To my servant Donald Robson Dodd I leave the use of my house and provender meat drink dogs and horse for as long as he shall live and they survive.’
    Mr Bullstrode stopped and

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