nerves so I can relax and do things well. You can’t overthink the physical.”
“Jesus, Josie, don’t you think I know that?” At Tony’s I was the one who explained the whole subconscious performance thing.
For me, playing hockey was like driving. There were too many random factors to consciously consider at once. A defenceman coming at you from one side, where your linemates were going to be in ten seconds, what the goalie’s tendencies were. If you thought about all that shit, you were screwed. Let your subconscious mind do all the work and your body would do the rest. And that was where it all started to go wrong for me, once I realized the importance of what I did on the ice. Conscious thought was death to my game.
She stood up and brushed off her shorts. “Let’s keep going.”
“Wait, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you.”
Josie’s gaze was level and honest. “I’m not mad. But I’m not enjoying this conversation.” She began packing up the lunch stuff.
“You know, you could be more supportive.” I packed up the garbage.
She rolled her eyes. “I am. But if you just want to bitch, get a real problem. You play hockey for a living. It’s not brain surgery.”
“Unlike the movies? That’s really important stuff.” Usually I liked Josie exactly the way she was, but right now I wished she were more like a regular girlfriend—sympathetic and caring. Sunny was the only other girl I’d dated seriously, and she would have been making a big fuss once she saw how I worried I was.
Josie didn’t even answer. She put her pack back on and began walking away. Leaving was her answer to every problem. But seeing her disappear made me realize that I was being a huge idiot.
“Stop.” I grabbed my pack and ran after her. She didn’t turn around, so I had to catch up and spin her around. I held her in my arms. “I am so, so sorry. I’m stressed out and taking it out on you. And you’re the best thing in my day.”
She scowled at me. I tilted my head and kissed the straight line of her mouth. I gently nipped at her lips until I felt the stiffness in her body yielding to mine. Finally she put her arms around my neck, and kissed me back fully. This was more relaxing to me than any words.
Even after a long hike in the North Shore Mountains, I was still nervous and fidgety inside.
“You want to get dinner now?” Josie asked when we got to the trailhead.
“Naw, I want to go home, relax, and get prepped for tomorrow.”
She squinted at me, shrugged, and then turned away. “No problem. See you later.”
It wasn’t like I was trying to hurt her or anything, but Josie’s lack of a reaction really bugged me. I watched her as she fastened her helmet on, kicked her bike off the stand, and then mounted it and took off. She never even looked back at me.
If I could have caught her and changed my mind, I would have. Being with Josie would be more relaxing than being alone. But having been so irritable, I was now stuck with a long evening. I got in the truck and noticed that my dad had called. He would undoubtedly have a ton of advice for tomorrow.
T he contrast between training with Tony and the Vice camp was like night and day. I shouldered my hockey bag and walked into an arena that looked like it was at least fifty years old. Not that it mattered, since some of the older arenas had the best ice, but I wondered if the management team would be old school as well. I certainly hadn’t heard anything good yet.
I was nervous whenever I walked into a dressing room for the first time. From when I was a kid trying out for rep hockey, every year I would push open that heavy door and wonder what was waiting for me. A great bunch of guys who would be my new best friends? Assholes who would bully the younger guys? Coaches who were nice guys or screamers?
The vibe in this room was fear—sweaty, stressed-out fear. A lot of these guys were just like me, and the Vice was their only chance to make the
“Jesus, Josie, don’t you think I know that?” At Tony’s I was the one who explained the whole subconscious performance thing.
For me, playing hockey was like driving. There were too many random factors to consciously consider at once. A defenceman coming at you from one side, where your linemates were going to be in ten seconds, what the goalie’s tendencies were. If you thought about all that shit, you were screwed. Let your subconscious mind do all the work and your body would do the rest. And that was where it all started to go wrong for me, once I realized the importance of what I did on the ice. Conscious thought was death to my game.
She stood up and brushed off her shorts. “Let’s keep going.”
“Wait, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you.”
Josie’s gaze was level and honest. “I’m not mad. But I’m not enjoying this conversation.” She began packing up the lunch stuff.
“You know, you could be more supportive.” I packed up the garbage.
She rolled her eyes. “I am. But if you just want to bitch, get a real problem. You play hockey for a living. It’s not brain surgery.”
“Unlike the movies? That’s really important stuff.” Usually I liked Josie exactly the way she was, but right now I wished she were more like a regular girlfriend—sympathetic and caring. Sunny was the only other girl I’d dated seriously, and she would have been making a big fuss once she saw how I worried I was.
Josie didn’t even answer. She put her pack back on and began walking away. Leaving was her answer to every problem. But seeing her disappear made me realize that I was being a huge idiot.
“Stop.” I grabbed my pack and ran after her. She didn’t turn around, so I had to catch up and spin her around. I held her in my arms. “I am so, so sorry. I’m stressed out and taking it out on you. And you’re the best thing in my day.”
She scowled at me. I tilted my head and kissed the straight line of her mouth. I gently nipped at her lips until I felt the stiffness in her body yielding to mine. Finally she put her arms around my neck, and kissed me back fully. This was more relaxing to me than any words.
Even after a long hike in the North Shore Mountains, I was still nervous and fidgety inside.
“You want to get dinner now?” Josie asked when we got to the trailhead.
“Naw, I want to go home, relax, and get prepped for tomorrow.”
She squinted at me, shrugged, and then turned away. “No problem. See you later.”
It wasn’t like I was trying to hurt her or anything, but Josie’s lack of a reaction really bugged me. I watched her as she fastened her helmet on, kicked her bike off the stand, and then mounted it and took off. She never even looked back at me.
If I could have caught her and changed my mind, I would have. Being with Josie would be more relaxing than being alone. But having been so irritable, I was now stuck with a long evening. I got in the truck and noticed that my dad had called. He would undoubtedly have a ton of advice for tomorrow.
T he contrast between training with Tony and the Vice camp was like night and day. I shouldered my hockey bag and walked into an arena that looked like it was at least fifty years old. Not that it mattered, since some of the older arenas had the best ice, but I wondered if the management team would be old school as well. I certainly hadn’t heard anything good yet.
I was nervous whenever I walked into a dressing room for the first time. From when I was a kid trying out for rep hockey, every year I would push open that heavy door and wonder what was waiting for me. A great bunch of guys who would be my new best friends? Assholes who would bully the younger guys? Coaches who were nice guys or screamers?
The vibe in this room was fear—sweaty, stressed-out fear. A lot of these guys were just like me, and the Vice was their only chance to make the
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