wouldn’t let him go on down the stairs, instead
she
held him even closer, seizing his head in her two hands and pressing kisses on
his forehead and cheeks. “I love you like a brother. Now you are my brother.
I
have so little and yet so much, do you understand? I have nothing left, I have
given it all. Will you shun me? No, you won’t, will you. Your heart is mine,
I
know it is—and having such a confidant makes me rich. You love your brother as
no one does. With such strength and will. He told me about you. How beautiful
you appear to me. You are so different from him. It’s impossible to describe
you. He said this too, that one cannot quite grasp you. Yet how trustingly one
throws oneself at you. Kiss me. I am yours in any way your heart desires. Your
heart is what’s beautiful about you. Don’t say anything. I understand that one
doesn’t understand you. You understand everything. You are fond of me, say yes,
do. No, don’t say yes. It isn’t necessary, isn’t necessary at all. Your eyes
have already said yes—I always knew it. I always knew there were people like
you, don’t ever force yourself to behave coldly. He’s asleep? Oh, no, don’t
leave yet! I must quarrel a bit more with you first. I am a foolish, foolish,
foolish woman, don’t you agree?”
She would have gone on speaking in this tone, but Simon fended her
off, quite gently, as was his wont. He told her he was going for a walk. She
watched him walk away, but he paid not the least attention to her gaze. “I shall
help her if she requires my services; of course I shall!” he said to himself.
“Probably I would lay down my life for her, if her well-being required
her to demand this; quite probably! Yes, it is fairly certain, considering that
it would be for a woman like that. She’s got something about her. In a word:
She
holds sway over me, of course, but what’s the point of pondering this further?
I
have other things to think about. For example, I feel happy this morning—my
limbs feel like fine flexible wires. When I feel my limbs, I am happy, and then
I’m not thinking of any other person on earth, not a woman, not a man, I’m quite
simply thinking nothing at all. Ah, how beautiful it is here in the forest on
a
sunny morning. How lovely it is to be free. Perhaps a soul is thinking of me
at
this moment, perhaps not—in any case, my soul isn’t thinking of anything at all.
Such a morning always awakens a certain brutality in me, but this does no harm,
on the contrary, it’s the basis for my selfless enjoyment of nature. Splendid,
splendid. How the grass flashes in the sunlight. How the white sky burns all
about the earth. This softening might come to me today. When I think about
someone, I do so with abandon. But it’s more delicious to be as I am now. Lovely
morning. Shall I sing you a song. It’s true, you yourself are a song. I’d much
rather shout and run about like the devil, or fire off shots like that foolish
devil Agappaia—”
He threw himself down upon the meadow and began to dream.
–4–
That same morning Kaspar and Klara took a small brightly colored boat
out on the lake. The lake was utterly placid, a gleaming motionless mirror. Now
and then a steamer crossed before them, creating for a brief while broad gentle
waves, and they sliced through these waves. Klara was clad in a
snow-white dress; wide sleeves hung languidly from her beautiful arms
and hands. She’d removed her hat: Absentmindedly, with a lovely gesture, she’d
let her hair down. Her mouth was smiling across to the mouth of the young man.
She didn’t know what to say, had no wish to say anything. “How beautiful the
water is, it looks like a sky,” she said. Her forehead was as serene as their
surroundings—lake, shore and cloudless sky. The blue of the sky had streaks of
fragrant shimmering white in it. The white sullied the blue a
she
held him even closer, seizing his head in her two hands and pressing kisses on
his forehead and cheeks. “I love you like a brother. Now you are my brother.
I
have so little and yet so much, do you understand? I have nothing left, I have
given it all. Will you shun me? No, you won’t, will you. Your heart is mine,
I
know it is—and having such a confidant makes me rich. You love your brother as
no one does. With such strength and will. He told me about you. How beautiful
you appear to me. You are so different from him. It’s impossible to describe
you. He said this too, that one cannot quite grasp you. Yet how trustingly one
throws oneself at you. Kiss me. I am yours in any way your heart desires. Your
heart is what’s beautiful about you. Don’t say anything. I understand that one
doesn’t understand you. You understand everything. You are fond of me, say yes,
do. No, don’t say yes. It isn’t necessary, isn’t necessary at all. Your eyes
have already said yes—I always knew it. I always knew there were people like
you, don’t ever force yourself to behave coldly. He’s asleep? Oh, no, don’t
leave yet! I must quarrel a bit more with you first. I am a foolish, foolish,
foolish woman, don’t you agree?”
She would have gone on speaking in this tone, but Simon fended her
off, quite gently, as was his wont. He told her he was going for a walk. She
watched him walk away, but he paid not the least attention to her gaze. “I shall
help her if she requires my services; of course I shall!” he said to himself.
“Probably I would lay down my life for her, if her well-being required
her to demand this; quite probably! Yes, it is fairly certain, considering that
it would be for a woman like that. She’s got something about her. In a word:
She
holds sway over me, of course, but what’s the point of pondering this further?
I
have other things to think about. For example, I feel happy this morning—my
limbs feel like fine flexible wires. When I feel my limbs, I am happy, and then
I’m not thinking of any other person on earth, not a woman, not a man, I’m quite
simply thinking nothing at all. Ah, how beautiful it is here in the forest on
a
sunny morning. How lovely it is to be free. Perhaps a soul is thinking of me
at
this moment, perhaps not—in any case, my soul isn’t thinking of anything at all.
Such a morning always awakens a certain brutality in me, but this does no harm,
on the contrary, it’s the basis for my selfless enjoyment of nature. Splendid,
splendid. How the grass flashes in the sunlight. How the white sky burns all
about the earth. This softening might come to me today. When I think about
someone, I do so with abandon. But it’s more delicious to be as I am now. Lovely
morning. Shall I sing you a song. It’s true, you yourself are a song. I’d much
rather shout and run about like the devil, or fire off shots like that foolish
devil Agappaia—”
He threw himself down upon the meadow and began to dream.
–4–
That same morning Kaspar and Klara took a small brightly colored boat
out on the lake. The lake was utterly placid, a gleaming motionless mirror. Now
and then a steamer crossed before them, creating for a brief while broad gentle
waves, and they sliced through these waves. Klara was clad in a
snow-white dress; wide sleeves hung languidly from her beautiful arms
and hands. She’d removed her hat: Absentmindedly, with a lovely gesture, she’d
let her hair down. Her mouth was smiling across to the mouth of the young man.
She didn’t know what to say, had no wish to say anything. “How beautiful the
water is, it looks like a sky,” she said. Her forehead was as serene as their
surroundings—lake, shore and cloudless sky. The blue of the sky had streaks of
fragrant shimmering white in it. The white sullied the blue a
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