record?”
“I’m thinking I have to. If I want to have any say in my future, you know? And as the detachment’s union rep, I think I have to tell the rest what I’m going to do. It wouldn’t be right otherwise.”
“Even though your regional rep tells you the letter is illegal.”
Fraser looked down at the steering wheel. “I think this Chip Willan guy is even more of a hard-on than Mason was.”
“How hard can he be with a name like ‘Chip’?”
“Listen, he’s not staring down retirement any time soon, and I think he’s going to bring it, if you know what I mean.”
“You let OPSC control you like this, Kraut, it won’t matter where they send you. And they won’t bother asking you your opinion next time.”
He turned the car on and began to back out onto the road. “I’m sorry, Skipper,” he said. “But I’m fifty next year, I got two kids in high school, and I have to speak up.”
“I’m sixty-two in less than a week. Where does all this leave me?”
Fraser stretched his neck. That wasn’t a question he could answer. “Like I say, I’m sorry. I hope you understand.”
“I do,” she said, not looking at him. “Damn it. I guess it’s time I met Chip Willan.”
] 10 [
Tuesday, May 24
She woke to the sound of a tray being put down close to her ear. The smell of bacon wafted over her.
I must have died and gone to heaven
, she thought. She opened her eyes and saw her mother standing by the bed, drinking from a mug of coffee. “You here to taunt me with your breakfast?” Hazel asked her.
“You need your strength now that you’re getting better.”
Hazel pushed herself up to sitting. It was a little easier than it had been yesterday. Not bad, in fact. She reached over to pluck a piece of bacon off the tray, watching her mother the whole time, but Emily didn’t interfere at all. “Glorious,” she said as she ate it. She reached for the steaming mug of coffee. “You don’t come round here much anymore, do you?”
“Gotta get in line if you want to be of use.”
“You’re just worried you’re going to have to see me naked.”
Emily smiled in a pained fashion. She sat down on the edgeof the bed, in exactly the same place Andrew had been sitting. “What the hell were you thinking?”
“I know,” she said. “But it’s hard. Him up there and me down here, and he seems so reluctant to see me.”
“Well, wouldn’t you be?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Come on,” said Emily.
“You’re right.” She stuck her chin out so as not to appear to be capitulating completely. “But to be
this
close, you know? And stuck down here, aware of where they are at night?”
“You’ve known where they are at night for three years. Four, really. What difference can it make?”
“It wasn’t above my head before now.” She sipped the coffee. “When he was sitting in the bathroom, it could have been any time in my life but now. It felt that natural.” Emily let her talk, although Hazel could tell her mother was going to run out of patience for this line of conversation quickly. “The way he smells … that’s … it’s impossible. When’s
that
going to go away?”
“I can’t say,” said Emily, brushing crumbs off the blanket. “I couldn’t smell your father after he passed.”
“I’m not joking.”
Her mother looked up at her, and her eyes were impossible to read. “There’s always something, Hazel, but I’m not telling you anything you don’t know. It never goes. And why would it? You just have to live with it, that’s what it costs you to have had someone. You remember that fringed leather bag your father carried books in? I use it sometimes for shopping and when I put it over my arm, that stiff old strap is still curved to fit his shoulder. I have to brace myself when I pick it up.”
She covered her mother’s hand with her own. That was the most grief she’d ever admitted to after the day of her father’s death. It moved her. “Did I wreck the
“I’m thinking I have to. If I want to have any say in my future, you know? And as the detachment’s union rep, I think I have to tell the rest what I’m going to do. It wouldn’t be right otherwise.”
“Even though your regional rep tells you the letter is illegal.”
Fraser looked down at the steering wheel. “I think this Chip Willan guy is even more of a hard-on than Mason was.”
“How hard can he be with a name like ‘Chip’?”
“Listen, he’s not staring down retirement any time soon, and I think he’s going to bring it, if you know what I mean.”
“You let OPSC control you like this, Kraut, it won’t matter where they send you. And they won’t bother asking you your opinion next time.”
He turned the car on and began to back out onto the road. “I’m sorry, Skipper,” he said. “But I’m fifty next year, I got two kids in high school, and I have to speak up.”
“I’m sixty-two in less than a week. Where does all this leave me?”
Fraser stretched his neck. That wasn’t a question he could answer. “Like I say, I’m sorry. I hope you understand.”
“I do,” she said, not looking at him. “Damn it. I guess it’s time I met Chip Willan.”
] 10 [
Tuesday, May 24
She woke to the sound of a tray being put down close to her ear. The smell of bacon wafted over her.
I must have died and gone to heaven
, she thought. She opened her eyes and saw her mother standing by the bed, drinking from a mug of coffee. “You here to taunt me with your breakfast?” Hazel asked her.
“You need your strength now that you’re getting better.”
Hazel pushed herself up to sitting. It was a little easier than it had been yesterday. Not bad, in fact. She reached over to pluck a piece of bacon off the tray, watching her mother the whole time, but Emily didn’t interfere at all. “Glorious,” she said as she ate it. She reached for the steaming mug of coffee. “You don’t come round here much anymore, do you?”
“Gotta get in line if you want to be of use.”
“You’re just worried you’re going to have to see me naked.”
Emily smiled in a pained fashion. She sat down on the edgeof the bed, in exactly the same place Andrew had been sitting. “What the hell were you thinking?”
“I know,” she said. “But it’s hard. Him up there and me down here, and he seems so reluctant to see me.”
“Well, wouldn’t you be?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Come on,” said Emily.
“You’re right.” She stuck her chin out so as not to appear to be capitulating completely. “But to be
this
close, you know? And stuck down here, aware of where they are at night?”
“You’ve known where they are at night for three years. Four, really. What difference can it make?”
“It wasn’t above my head before now.” She sipped the coffee. “When he was sitting in the bathroom, it could have been any time in my life but now. It felt that natural.” Emily let her talk, although Hazel could tell her mother was going to run out of patience for this line of conversation quickly. “The way he smells … that’s … it’s impossible. When’s
that
going to go away?”
“I can’t say,” said Emily, brushing crumbs off the blanket. “I couldn’t smell your father after he passed.”
“I’m not joking.”
Her mother looked up at her, and her eyes were impossible to read. “There’s always something, Hazel, but I’m not telling you anything you don’t know. It never goes. And why would it? You just have to live with it, that’s what it costs you to have had someone. You remember that fringed leather bag your father carried books in? I use it sometimes for shopping and when I put it over my arm, that stiff old strap is still curved to fit his shoulder. I have to brace myself when I pick it up.”
She covered her mother’s hand with her own. That was the most grief she’d ever admitted to after the day of her father’s death. It moved her. “Did I wreck the
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