to
say?
Say ‘yes,’ dumb-dumb.
But the whole thing seemed so unlikely. Fuck
that – it came completely out of left field. For all she knew,
Grayson was suffering some weird sexual endorphin rush from the
whole experience, and by morning he’d come to his senses and laugh
the whole thing away. The idea made her insides ache.
She rubbed at the knot in her chest and
looked around the room. Man, they’d made a mess. The air smelled
faintly of sex, and suddenly her whole apartment felt stifling. She
needed to breathe and think. Although it was probably well below
sixty degrees outside, she wrapped her big, fluffy bathrobe around
herself, threw open the one of the floor-to-ceiling windows, and
stepped out onto the fire escape, climbing the narrow wrought-iron
stairs to the rooftop.
He loved her.
He’d said it three times, in fact.
God, what a shock.
“How long?” she asked out loud. She knew he
was there, had heard him climb the fire escape not long after she’d
come out.
“How long what?”
She glanced in his direction, tried to read
him again, and failed, again.
Man up, McKellan , she told herself.
He’d at least had the balls to say it – to say anything of what he
felt.
“How long have you been in love with
me?”
He swallowed hard enough for her to see it.
“Not sure,” he replied, leaning over the railing next to her. “A
while.”
“A while,” she repeated. “Why didn’t you say
anything? Do anything?”
“Why didn’t you?” he snapped. “Or – oh,
wait. I guess this is a one-sided thing, yeah?”
“No.”
That made him shut up for a good, long
second. “No?” he asked softly.
“Damn it, Gray,” she sighed. “All this time,
I’ve had to watch you fuck around with how many women, while I was
just your ‘buddy.’ Why the hell do you think I left, that summer?
Why do you think I moved away?”
“I’m sorry,” he said, and it actually
sounded like he meant it. “If I had known--”
“How could you not know? Did it never occur
to you, even after this summer?”
“That’s not what I meant. I… kind of
suspected.”
At that, she gave a bitter laugh.
“Fantastic.”
“Mare, will you just listen to me?” He
grabbed her elbow and made her face him. “If I had known we shared
the same… interests,” he said with a wave of his hand, “I would
never have waited. That’s why I never made a move on you, why I
played around but never settled down. That’s why I wound up at your
club. I was desperate.”
“Desperate?” she asked, shaking her head in
confusion.
He took a visibly deep breath. “I never
dreamed, in a million years, that I’d find a woman I could share
this with, in an actual relationship.”
She couldn’t help the incredulous laugh.
“It’s not that weird of a kink, Gray.”
“You wanna tell that to the rest of our
little whitebread society? I don’t see you advertising your
extracurricular activities to anyone else. Hell, you never even
told me until tonight. You have a goddamned contract termination
form waiting down there for me because it’s such a big secret.”
Oh, fuck. Marion opened her mouth to
cobble together some kind of explanation, but he cut her off.
“Never mind it. The point is, I thought
maybe, if I went someplace like Ten , tried it out in person,
maybe I’d get over it.” He shrugged and looked out at the city
skyline. “And if I could be normal, then I might finally have a
chance with you.”
Marion stared at him, speechless. Finally,
when it seemed like someone had to say something, she spoke. “Okay,
never mind the whole ‘cure-for-kink’ delusion you’ve got happening,
here. What in god’s name made you think – made you assume, that
you’d have to be ‘normal’ to have a chance with me?”
“I don’t know, all right? All I knew was, if
I ever risked our friendship for something more, I wanted it to be
perfect. I didn’t want to lose you,” he added lamely.
She considered him for a moment
say?
Say ‘yes,’ dumb-dumb.
But the whole thing seemed so unlikely. Fuck
that – it came completely out of left field. For all she knew,
Grayson was suffering some weird sexual endorphin rush from the
whole experience, and by morning he’d come to his senses and laugh
the whole thing away. The idea made her insides ache.
She rubbed at the knot in her chest and
looked around the room. Man, they’d made a mess. The air smelled
faintly of sex, and suddenly her whole apartment felt stifling. She
needed to breathe and think. Although it was probably well below
sixty degrees outside, she wrapped her big, fluffy bathrobe around
herself, threw open the one of the floor-to-ceiling windows, and
stepped out onto the fire escape, climbing the narrow wrought-iron
stairs to the rooftop.
He loved her.
He’d said it three times, in fact.
God, what a shock.
“How long?” she asked out loud. She knew he
was there, had heard him climb the fire escape not long after she’d
come out.
“How long what?”
She glanced in his direction, tried to read
him again, and failed, again.
Man up, McKellan , she told herself.
He’d at least had the balls to say it – to say anything of what he
felt.
“How long have you been in love with
me?”
He swallowed hard enough for her to see it.
“Not sure,” he replied, leaning over the railing next to her. “A
while.”
“A while,” she repeated. “Why didn’t you say
anything? Do anything?”
“Why didn’t you?” he snapped. “Or – oh,
wait. I guess this is a one-sided thing, yeah?”
“No.”
That made him shut up for a good, long
second. “No?” he asked softly.
“Damn it, Gray,” she sighed. “All this time,
I’ve had to watch you fuck around with how many women, while I was
just your ‘buddy.’ Why the hell do you think I left, that summer?
Why do you think I moved away?”
“I’m sorry,” he said, and it actually
sounded like he meant it. “If I had known--”
“How could you not know? Did it never occur
to you, even after this summer?”
“That’s not what I meant. I… kind of
suspected.”
At that, she gave a bitter laugh.
“Fantastic.”
“Mare, will you just listen to me?” He
grabbed her elbow and made her face him. “If I had known we shared
the same… interests,” he said with a wave of his hand, “I would
never have waited. That’s why I never made a move on you, why I
played around but never settled down. That’s why I wound up at your
club. I was desperate.”
“Desperate?” she asked, shaking her head in
confusion.
He took a visibly deep breath. “I never
dreamed, in a million years, that I’d find a woman I could share
this with, in an actual relationship.”
She couldn’t help the incredulous laugh.
“It’s not that weird of a kink, Gray.”
“You wanna tell that to the rest of our
little whitebread society? I don’t see you advertising your
extracurricular activities to anyone else. Hell, you never even
told me until tonight. You have a goddamned contract termination
form waiting down there for me because it’s such a big secret.”
Oh, fuck. Marion opened her mouth to
cobble together some kind of explanation, but he cut her off.
“Never mind it. The point is, I thought
maybe, if I went someplace like Ten , tried it out in person,
maybe I’d get over it.” He shrugged and looked out at the city
skyline. “And if I could be normal, then I might finally have a
chance with you.”
Marion stared at him, speechless. Finally,
when it seemed like someone had to say something, she spoke. “Okay,
never mind the whole ‘cure-for-kink’ delusion you’ve got happening,
here. What in god’s name made you think – made you assume, that
you’d have to be ‘normal’ to have a chance with me?”
“I don’t know, all right? All I knew was, if
I ever risked our friendship for something more, I wanted it to be
perfect. I didn’t want to lose you,” he added lamely.
She considered him for a moment
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