“Is it because…is it because you’ve done things I haven’t done?” She looked down.
“Natalie, I haven’t done anything.”
“Okay.” She brushed some dirt off her sleeve. “I get it.
You’re into him, and I guess it makes you pull away from everyone else.”
She stood, as if she was going to leave, then plopped back down. “But, Brigitta, I always thought you’d tell me…your first time…was it, you know? Was it what you’d dreamed of?”
“Natalie, I did not have a first time!”
She stood all the way up this time. “I believe you, Brigitta.” She dropped my jeans in my lap. “And I won’t tell your mom.
Why don’t you come by sometime?” She opened the door and didn’t bother to close it before climbing down the ladder.
I stayed where I was, planted, feeling small and mean. I waited until she had disappeared down the path.
•••
Luke was at the cougar den, dangling some beaded leather strings from a thick stick. Felix leaped for them. Luke grinned when he saw me. He looked haggard. “You sleep a lot,” he said.
I colored. “Did you do the entire night shift?”
“Yup. Look at them.”
Luke wiggled the stick. Felix pounced, missed the strings, and captured Luke’s hand. “Ow!” Luke flipped Felix on his back and detached the teeth and claws. He had some impressive welts. He ruffled Felix’s stomach.
“Have you done a miracle or created a monster?” I plunked my butt onto the pine needles.
Luke chuckled. “I’m sooooo tired. I am never having children, ever, ever, ever.” He balanced the wood on his knee. It was about eight inches long, the width of my wrist, and the bark had about eight inches long, the width of my wrist, and the bark had been peeled off.
I picked it up. Three leather laces were tied around one end.
Carved into either side was a cat face. “Did you do this?” Luke nodded. “It’s part of the branch I used to—wel, to fend off their mother. Thought it should become something.” I twirled it, and the beads clicked softly—three blue ceramic bals with dots of green. The carvings were rough, but they were unmistakably cougar faces. “These are good. Where did you learn to do this?”
“Scout camp.” He grinned. “It would be better if I could sand it. But it’s for them. See? This one’s Kalimar.” He traced her round chin and extra-long whiskers on the wood. “And this one’s Felix.” He flipped the stick over and showed me where Felix’s left ear was bigger than his right. “I found the strings in my pocket. Part of a shirt I used to have.” He hadn’t shaved. It made me want to touch his face.
“Did you stay here all night?”
“Mmm.” His head drooped. He had a cut between his forefinger and thumb.
“Isn’t your mom going to wonder?” Kalimar crawled out of the snag and batted at the wood curls by my foot.
Luke shrugged. “Mum sleeps like the dead.”
Kalimar swiped at the beads, whipping one around the stick.
“Unfortunately, Malory never sleeps. That’s why I had to stay in the tree house. And she’s taken down all my Pablo Neruda poems and replaced them with Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.” Luke rested his head against the tree trunk, his eyes half closed. “I have no idea what you are talking about,” he mumbled. His eyes closed completely.
I had a sudden impulse to pull his head into my lap, but (fortunately) lacked the nerve to carry it out. What was coming over me?
Felix wandered out and sniffed at some deer scat. “Not so far, buddy.” I hauled him back. What would we do if the kittens far, buddy.” I hauled him back. What would we do if the kittens began to roam? He wove between me and Luke and started climbing Luke’s shirt.
Luke woke with a start. His head flew up.
I couldn’t help laughing.
Luke leaned back again, while Felix sniffed at his neck.
“Looked like you had a visitor.”
“You saw her. Natalie. She thought I spent the night with Devon.”
“Devon?” He
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