mom?” Well, obviously, if he was at the wedding. Oh, I can be an idiot when I’m nervous. Total lack of cool under pressure. It’s one of the things I like least about myself. Of course, I didn’t have much practice at this. You have a steady boyfriend, and whole rooms are closed off, red velvet cords across the doorway like in museums, so you can only peer in.
“Nah. See?” he said. He pointed to his skin, his chest, where it was bare under his gray sweatshirt. He was looking right in my eyes—and my heart, that traitor, pretended it was a fish flopping on land. “Brown.” He crooked his thumb to the house. “White. My other family is Puerto Rican.”
“Oh,” I said.
“San Juan. Not the San Juan with the pools and hotels, right? The other one. The one tourists don’t see. My mother is still there.”
“Do you get to see her much?”
“I’m going down there next month. See all the crazy relatives,” he said, but smiled.
“That must be hard. To be away. You must miss her.”
“Yep. I do. But she’s happy I’m going to school here. And Rebecca’s cool. Smokes way too much. I’ve been high on secondhand smoke since I was six, I swear. Still, she’s all right. And my dad does the usual ‘You got to think about your future, son,’ but he’s calmed down now that I’m going to college. I took a year off, you know. All that ‘What do I want to do with my life’ bullshit.”
“I know.” I did. You could be so sure about what you wanted. All senior year, it was all about getting out . But then, out … Out was a huge place. “Where you going?” I managed to make it sound casual. But I noticed the quick skip of worry I felt. I was thinking, Far away.
“Seattle U. But don’t ask what I’m studying, because I have no idea. You’re supposed to plan your whole life right now? I don’t know what I want for breakfast tomorrow.”
“Same. Up until now I wanted to be an astronaut, a cowgirl, or an explorer.”
“Yeah,” he said. “Up until now you thought those things were possible .”
“Exactly.”
“Reality’s a bitch. Wait, now you. I hate people like, ‘Tell me more about myself.’ You in school?”
“Just graduated. Trying to decide. I’m holding a spot at two places. USC. U-Dub,” I said.
“Whoa. LA.”
“Yeah. Not sure, though.” I didn’t want to tell him or anyone else that LA, in my secret heart of hearts, sounded a million miles from home. You weren’t supposed to admit that. You were supposed to want the best school, no matter what. You were supposed to be ready . And you were supposed to want to leave. “And don’t ask me what I’m studying, because I don’t even know what I had for breakfast today .”
Ash laughed. “Pancakes.”
“Riiiiight,” I said.
“See? I can help you.”
I smiled at him, and he smiled back.
“You cold?”
“No, I’m great,” I said. I didn’t feel cold. I didn’t feel anything close to it.
“You shivered.” He unzipped his sweatshirt. Holy crap, the sudden view—just a tank top stretched across that chest, and the round, hard muscles of his arms. I mean, wow.
“Oh no, that’s okay,” I said. “I’m fine.” But he’d already tossed it around my shoulders. It was warm from his body heat, and it smelled like he must smell—good, some musky soap. Really good.
We watched a solitary seagull taking a long walk down the beach. He looked like he had things on his mind. I stared at that leaping fire, looked into the deep, enchanting red, way down by the coals. I hated to admit it, but maybe Hailey was right about a guy’s sweatshirt, the way it could make you feel.
Behind us, from far up on the hill, you could hear a door slam. An angry shudder, maybe, or just the force of the wind.
“Ouch,” Ash said at the sound.
I looked at the house behind me, white in the moonlight, with the yellow glowing windows. I saw a light shut off. Nearly all my people were in one place.
“Hey, I’d better go,” I
“Nah. See?” he said. He pointed to his skin, his chest, where it was bare under his gray sweatshirt. He was looking right in my eyes—and my heart, that traitor, pretended it was a fish flopping on land. “Brown.” He crooked his thumb to the house. “White. My other family is Puerto Rican.”
“Oh,” I said.
“San Juan. Not the San Juan with the pools and hotels, right? The other one. The one tourists don’t see. My mother is still there.”
“Do you get to see her much?”
“I’m going down there next month. See all the crazy relatives,” he said, but smiled.
“That must be hard. To be away. You must miss her.”
“Yep. I do. But she’s happy I’m going to school here. And Rebecca’s cool. Smokes way too much. I’ve been high on secondhand smoke since I was six, I swear. Still, she’s all right. And my dad does the usual ‘You got to think about your future, son,’ but he’s calmed down now that I’m going to college. I took a year off, you know. All that ‘What do I want to do with my life’ bullshit.”
“I know.” I did. You could be so sure about what you wanted. All senior year, it was all about getting out . But then, out … Out was a huge place. “Where you going?” I managed to make it sound casual. But I noticed the quick skip of worry I felt. I was thinking, Far away.
“Seattle U. But don’t ask what I’m studying, because I have no idea. You’re supposed to plan your whole life right now? I don’t know what I want for breakfast tomorrow.”
“Same. Up until now I wanted to be an astronaut, a cowgirl, or an explorer.”
“Yeah,” he said. “Up until now you thought those things were possible .”
“Exactly.”
“Reality’s a bitch. Wait, now you. I hate people like, ‘Tell me more about myself.’ You in school?”
“Just graduated. Trying to decide. I’m holding a spot at two places. USC. U-Dub,” I said.
“Whoa. LA.”
“Yeah. Not sure, though.” I didn’t want to tell him or anyone else that LA, in my secret heart of hearts, sounded a million miles from home. You weren’t supposed to admit that. You were supposed to want the best school, no matter what. You were supposed to be ready . And you were supposed to want to leave. “And don’t ask me what I’m studying, because I don’t even know what I had for breakfast today .”
Ash laughed. “Pancakes.”
“Riiiiight,” I said.
“See? I can help you.”
I smiled at him, and he smiled back.
“You cold?”
“No, I’m great,” I said. I didn’t feel cold. I didn’t feel anything close to it.
“You shivered.” He unzipped his sweatshirt. Holy crap, the sudden view—just a tank top stretched across that chest, and the round, hard muscles of his arms. I mean, wow.
“Oh no, that’s okay,” I said. “I’m fine.” But he’d already tossed it around my shoulders. It was warm from his body heat, and it smelled like he must smell—good, some musky soap. Really good.
We watched a solitary seagull taking a long walk down the beach. He looked like he had things on his mind. I stared at that leaping fire, looked into the deep, enchanting red, way down by the coals. I hated to admit it, but maybe Hailey was right about a guy’s sweatshirt, the way it could make you feel.
Behind us, from far up on the hill, you could hear a door slam. An angry shudder, maybe, or just the force of the wind.
“Ouch,” Ash said at the sound.
I looked at the house behind me, white in the moonlight, with the yellow glowing windows. I saw a light shut off. Nearly all my people were in one place.
“Hey, I’d better go,” I
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