dance and pretend like I’m having a good time, or worse, take pictures of other people having a good time.”
“Didn’t you have to do this very thing last year?”
“Yeah, and the year before that, and the year before that. What’s your point?”
“Well, if you made it through those without any lasting scars, I have a feeling you can make it through this one too.”
“Last year I had a sheet over my head and unless people physically bumped into me, they had no idea I was even there. This,” I say, motioning to the dress. “Is a lot different than last year.”
“Yeah, I see that. This year people are going to be able to see you for the beautiful girl you are and not the ghost that you seem to think you should be. But surely your friends are going to be there, so you won’t have to face it alone?”
“You know Johnny, Mom. You can’t pay him enough to show up, and there’s no one else that I really hang out with other than him.”
“What about that Chris boy you told me about? Is he not going?”
I knew I was going to regret telling my mom about Christian. What started out as me being open with her about how school was and what I was up to, especially when she wondered where I was going every morning at the crack of dawn, had quickly turned into her wanting a play by play, and other than the kiss, she now knows as much about Christian as I do. Which is now coming back to bite me.
“We don’t really talk anymore.”
“Why not?”
“He hangs out with Jonah, and you know how he feels about Johnny. We just weren’t meant to be friends, I guess. No big deal, but that means I’m on my own for this and dressed the way I am right now, I just don’t think I can go through with it.”
“Do you remember when the company downsized and there was a bunch of agents on the chopping block? When I wasn’t sure what was going to happen and was living like any day the other shoe would drop?”
“Yeah, of course I do. It only happened a couple years ago.”
“Well, do you remember what you said to me back then when I snapped at you and you made me spill it?”
I don’t even know why she bothers asking if I can remember at this point. It’s a miracle that I can remember that time at all with everything that’s happened since, but to remember something specific I might have said back then, she’s pretty much out of luck.
“You know I don’t.”
“You told me to stop letting what could happen win. To stop living in the worst case scenario, go back to work and show them why if they got rid of me it would be their loss, not mine.”
I’m pretty sure I didn’t say anything quite that witty, but I see the point she’s trying to make. I’m doing now what she did then.
“So you think I should stop thinking about how bad it’s going to be and just suck it up and go?”
“You got it.”
“I didn’t really say all that, did I?”
“Actually, Em, you did. Sometimes I wish your memory was better, because there’s a lot of things you’ve said to me over the years that I think if you could just bring them up easily in your head, would serve you well with what you’re facing in the future.”
“Yeah, I’m a regular Aristotle over here.”
“I was thinking more along the lines of Plato, but he works too.” She nudges me until I crack and we both laugh. “The point I’m trying to make is, you can do this, but only if you get past what might not happen so that you can live what will.”
Nodding in understanding, I don’t object when her next move is to pull me into a hug. I don’t pull away or try and weasel my out of it because unlike some people, I actually like the moments like this where I can be as open and honest with my feelings as I want and she just gets it and knows the right thing to say to make it better.
“Thanks Mom.”
“Anytime, but now that we’ve managed to muddle our way through your issues, do you think you could do your fashion challenged mom a
“Didn’t you have to do this very thing last year?”
“Yeah, and the year before that, and the year before that. What’s your point?”
“Well, if you made it through those without any lasting scars, I have a feeling you can make it through this one too.”
“Last year I had a sheet over my head and unless people physically bumped into me, they had no idea I was even there. This,” I say, motioning to the dress. “Is a lot different than last year.”
“Yeah, I see that. This year people are going to be able to see you for the beautiful girl you are and not the ghost that you seem to think you should be. But surely your friends are going to be there, so you won’t have to face it alone?”
“You know Johnny, Mom. You can’t pay him enough to show up, and there’s no one else that I really hang out with other than him.”
“What about that Chris boy you told me about? Is he not going?”
I knew I was going to regret telling my mom about Christian. What started out as me being open with her about how school was and what I was up to, especially when she wondered where I was going every morning at the crack of dawn, had quickly turned into her wanting a play by play, and other than the kiss, she now knows as much about Christian as I do. Which is now coming back to bite me.
“We don’t really talk anymore.”
“Why not?”
“He hangs out with Jonah, and you know how he feels about Johnny. We just weren’t meant to be friends, I guess. No big deal, but that means I’m on my own for this and dressed the way I am right now, I just don’t think I can go through with it.”
“Do you remember when the company downsized and there was a bunch of agents on the chopping block? When I wasn’t sure what was going to happen and was living like any day the other shoe would drop?”
“Yeah, of course I do. It only happened a couple years ago.”
“Well, do you remember what you said to me back then when I snapped at you and you made me spill it?”
I don’t even know why she bothers asking if I can remember at this point. It’s a miracle that I can remember that time at all with everything that’s happened since, but to remember something specific I might have said back then, she’s pretty much out of luck.
“You know I don’t.”
“You told me to stop letting what could happen win. To stop living in the worst case scenario, go back to work and show them why if they got rid of me it would be their loss, not mine.”
I’m pretty sure I didn’t say anything quite that witty, but I see the point she’s trying to make. I’m doing now what she did then.
“So you think I should stop thinking about how bad it’s going to be and just suck it up and go?”
“You got it.”
“I didn’t really say all that, did I?”
“Actually, Em, you did. Sometimes I wish your memory was better, because there’s a lot of things you’ve said to me over the years that I think if you could just bring them up easily in your head, would serve you well with what you’re facing in the future.”
“Yeah, I’m a regular Aristotle over here.”
“I was thinking more along the lines of Plato, but he works too.” She nudges me until I crack and we both laugh. “The point I’m trying to make is, you can do this, but only if you get past what might not happen so that you can live what will.”
Nodding in understanding, I don’t object when her next move is to pull me into a hug. I don’t pull away or try and weasel my out of it because unlike some people, I actually like the moments like this where I can be as open and honest with my feelings as I want and she just gets it and knows the right thing to say to make it better.
“Thanks Mom.”
“Anytime, but now that we’ve managed to muddle our way through your issues, do you think you could do your fashion challenged mom a
Similar Books
