The Slacker's Guide to U.S. History: The Bare Minimum on Discovering America, the Boston Tea Party, the California Gold Rush, and Lots of Other Stuff Dead White Guys Did by Don Stewart Page A
Authors: Don Stewart
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investors' efforts to realize huge profits were towns all across the country that paid huge bribes to the railroad companies to convince them of the merits of running the railroad through their town. These eagerly accepted bribes resulted in many twists and turns, inconveniently changing the path of the transcontinental rails.
Don't Sign a Gym Membership
On May 10, 1869, the ethnic people shuffler was completed when railroad profiteer Leland Stanford drove in a ceremonial golden spike that effectively connected the eastern portion of the United States to the western portion of the United States. This was a relief to compassionate legislators, as they now had a more humane way of taking conveniently located, fertile land from ethnic landowners and exchanging it for less fertile, more inconveniently located land elsewhere in the country. It also ensured that if some great resource was discovered in the Indians' new home, we could move them again. But this time if we needed the exchanged land that was given to Native Americans with the Indian Removal Act back again, we would not force them to walk hundreds of miles to their new government-approved location, providing they could afford the train ticket.
1876 T HE B ATTLE OF L ITTLE B IGHORN
The largest fiasco in American military history
Put a Dollar in the Loincloth
Americans have always taken great pride in their ability to run profitable strip clubs in a country founded on Judeo-Christian principles along with their ability to succeed militarily on the battlefield. The Little Bighorn River, located in Montana, may have been without a gentlemen's club in 1876, however, it did prove to be an appropriate venue for George Custer's last stand. Over the years, Custer's last stand has fondly become known as perhaps the largest fiasco in American military history.
Custer-Filled Rumley
He was born George “I'll go down in history” Custer in New Rumley, Ohio, famous for, well, Custer being born there. Custer was an embarrassment to New Rumley, as he graduated from West Point academy dead last in his class. His ineptness extending beyond the classroom, Custer performed miserably once on duty. He was court-martialed, only to be saved from punishment by the timely outbreak of the Civil War and the shortage of trained soldiers. After being court-martialed a second time, Custer was assigned to be part of the 1876 mission to take down the Lakota tribe along with the more competent Generals Gibbon and Crook.
A Horse, a Bull, and a Crook Go into a Bar …
In 1876, the U.S. government ordered the Lakota chiefs to report to their designated land by the end of January.IGNORING NATIVE AMERICANS' CLAIM THAT THEY WERE THERE FIRST, THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT WAS KIND ENOUGH TO MAKE ADDITIONAL ROOM FOR WHITE PEOPLE BY ORDERING THE INDIANS TO TAKE UP RESIDENCY IN A LITTLE SPACE OUT WEST THAT THE WHITES DIDN'T WANT YET.
Sitting Bull and Crazy Horse, among others, decided not to comply. Generals Gibbon and Crook were sent with Custer to drive Sitting Bull and the other chiefs onto the reservation for a lifetime of gambling and alcohol. As the fight began, Crazy Horse and his warriors got the upper hand, forcing General Crook to retreat. Later in June, Custer found Sitting Bull's encampment near the Little Bighorn River. Sensing an historic opportunity, Custer disregarded the original plan and instead charged ahead only to find out that he and his men were outnumbered four-to-one. Needless to say, Custer's premonition about history was correct. The Lakota warriors killed Custer and all of his troops, offering no surrender. It was one of the worst defeats in U.S. military history. Despite more troops coming later for Sitting Bull, he and his men escaped to Canada where their native style of dress and incomprehensible speech made them nearly invisible.
On Common Ground
For his efforts, history has not forgotten the foolish way in which General George Custer died, and fittingly, numerous cemeteries
Don't Sign a Gym Membership
On May 10, 1869, the ethnic people shuffler was completed when railroad profiteer Leland Stanford drove in a ceremonial golden spike that effectively connected the eastern portion of the United States to the western portion of the United States. This was a relief to compassionate legislators, as they now had a more humane way of taking conveniently located, fertile land from ethnic landowners and exchanging it for less fertile, more inconveniently located land elsewhere in the country. It also ensured that if some great resource was discovered in the Indians' new home, we could move them again. But this time if we needed the exchanged land that was given to Native Americans with the Indian Removal Act back again, we would not force them to walk hundreds of miles to their new government-approved location, providing they could afford the train ticket.
1876 T HE B ATTLE OF L ITTLE B IGHORN
The largest fiasco in American military history
Put a Dollar in the Loincloth
Americans have always taken great pride in their ability to run profitable strip clubs in a country founded on Judeo-Christian principles along with their ability to succeed militarily on the battlefield. The Little Bighorn River, located in Montana, may have been without a gentlemen's club in 1876, however, it did prove to be an appropriate venue for George Custer's last stand. Over the years, Custer's last stand has fondly become known as perhaps the largest fiasco in American military history.
Custer-Filled Rumley
He was born George “I'll go down in history” Custer in New Rumley, Ohio, famous for, well, Custer being born there. Custer was an embarrassment to New Rumley, as he graduated from West Point academy dead last in his class. His ineptness extending beyond the classroom, Custer performed miserably once on duty. He was court-martialed, only to be saved from punishment by the timely outbreak of the Civil War and the shortage of trained soldiers. After being court-martialed a second time, Custer was assigned to be part of the 1876 mission to take down the Lakota tribe along with the more competent Generals Gibbon and Crook.
A Horse, a Bull, and a Crook Go into a Bar …
In 1876, the U.S. government ordered the Lakota chiefs to report to their designated land by the end of January.IGNORING NATIVE AMERICANS' CLAIM THAT THEY WERE THERE FIRST, THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT WAS KIND ENOUGH TO MAKE ADDITIONAL ROOM FOR WHITE PEOPLE BY ORDERING THE INDIANS TO TAKE UP RESIDENCY IN A LITTLE SPACE OUT WEST THAT THE WHITES DIDN'T WANT YET.
Sitting Bull and Crazy Horse, among others, decided not to comply. Generals Gibbon and Crook were sent with Custer to drive Sitting Bull and the other chiefs onto the reservation for a lifetime of gambling and alcohol. As the fight began, Crazy Horse and his warriors got the upper hand, forcing General Crook to retreat. Later in June, Custer found Sitting Bull's encampment near the Little Bighorn River. Sensing an historic opportunity, Custer disregarded the original plan and instead charged ahead only to find out that he and his men were outnumbered four-to-one. Needless to say, Custer's premonition about history was correct. The Lakota warriors killed Custer and all of his troops, offering no surrender. It was one of the worst defeats in U.S. military history. Despite more troops coming later for Sitting Bull, he and his men escaped to Canada where their native style of dress and incomprehensible speech made them nearly invisible.
On Common Ground
For his efforts, history has not forgotten the foolish way in which General George Custer died, and fittingly, numerous cemeteries
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