an actor in you.” Dad says, “All the world’s a stage, even the living room!”
He’s the set builder for the Raven, so he’s always making stuff for this play or that. We’ve had dinner with the Mad Hatter, a giant Nutcracker, and Santa’s reindeer (all eight). Our dining room has been an underground rabbit hole, a Kansas tornado, a Civil War battlefield, a fire station, and a medieval castle where you have to cross a moat just to eat at the table.
And he lets us put on King Lear in our own living room anytime we want.
That’s why King Lear is the only play I like.
King Lear is Dad’s favorite play, too. I wonder why. It’s about this guy who has three daughters! They have weird names.
If you think Stevie’s a funny name for a girl, try Goneril, Regan, or Cordelia. Cordelia’s not so bad. (That’s Joey, the youngest, and the good one — King Lear’s favorite. Joey never lets me be Cordelia. Not once!) At least Cordelia sounds like a flower. Not a president or a yucky worm.
Each daughter tells him how much they love him so they can get his kingdom, but the older ones are just faking. Really they’re super-greedy. They each keep pretending the other one is trying to murder King Lear, and they try to poison each other (YES!). People get stabbed (with a dagger) and eyeballs come out (POP!).
So King Lear goes outside and yells at a thunderstorm (a.k.a. cookie sheet!).
He gets to say lots of funny-sounding words like “Alack” and “O nuncle!” and stuff.
The play is a tragedy. It’s supposed to make you cry, but it doesn’t. It usually makes us laugh our heads off. (No heads really come off — just eyeballs!) Or we end up in a fight. King Lear (Dad) usually lets Cordelia live and get the kingdom, which makes Alex and me mad. Then we say, “How come Joey always gets her way?” (So true, even though Joey says it’s so NOT true.) Then Alex quits, then I quit, and Joey yells, “The end!”
KING LEAR
Starring Alex
TIME: OLD-TIMEY ENGLAND
SETTING: THE KINGDOM
(A.K.A. THE REEL LIVING ROOM)
CHARACTERS:
KING LEAR (THE FATHER)
THREE DAUGHTERS:
GONERIL (THE OLDEST . . . THAT’S ME!)
REGAN
CORDELIA (THE YOUNGEST)
Before the curtain rises: King Lear is preening himself, waiting to be flattered. He sits, looking at a map.
King Lear: (Why do I have to remind Dad three times? Stage directions say ‘Point to map’!) ’Tis time I remove myself from public life. I wish to give each of thee, my three daughters, a parcel of my kingdom. This will depend upon how much each of you loves me.
Goneril: Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day? (Good line!) Thou art more —
Stevie: Alex, quit showing off!
Me: What? That’s a real line from Shakespeare. (I should know!)
Stevie: Well, it sounds like Romeo and Juliet, not King Lear.
Joey: Sick! It’s from an ooey-gooey love poem!
Dad: Are we going to do this scene or not?
Regan: OK, I love thee more than all four of the seasons, not just one day in summer.
Goneril: I love thee more than meat loves salt.
Regan: Well, I love thee more than meat loves special sauce, lettuce, and a bunch of other stuff on a sesame-seed bun. My love is supersize!
Me: Hey, no fair. Dad, she’s making it sound like an old hamburger commercial, not Shakespeare. (Since when is Stevie the Shakespeare expert?)
Stevie: Don’t look at me. You’re the one who loves Dad like meat. I’m just following your lead. You always say to ad-lib.
Goneril: (Getting down on one knee in front of King Lear.) I love you more than the ocean has water, more than the sky has stars.
Regan: (Breaking into song.)
My love is warmer than the warmest sunshine, Softer than a sigh. . . .
Me: Um, last time I checked, King Lear was not a musical. (Or a comedy!)
Joey: Then when do I get a line? You guys are the greedy sisters, fighting over all Dad’s, I mean, King Lear’s, stuff. Doesn’t the good daughter get to say any words?
Me: Just be happy you didn’t have to
He’s the set builder for the Raven, so he’s always making stuff for this play or that. We’ve had dinner with the Mad Hatter, a giant Nutcracker, and Santa’s reindeer (all eight). Our dining room has been an underground rabbit hole, a Kansas tornado, a Civil War battlefield, a fire station, and a medieval castle where you have to cross a moat just to eat at the table.
And he lets us put on King Lear in our own living room anytime we want.
That’s why King Lear is the only play I like.
King Lear is Dad’s favorite play, too. I wonder why. It’s about this guy who has three daughters! They have weird names.
If you think Stevie’s a funny name for a girl, try Goneril, Regan, or Cordelia. Cordelia’s not so bad. (That’s Joey, the youngest, and the good one — King Lear’s favorite. Joey never lets me be Cordelia. Not once!) At least Cordelia sounds like a flower. Not a president or a yucky worm.
Each daughter tells him how much they love him so they can get his kingdom, but the older ones are just faking. Really they’re super-greedy. They each keep pretending the other one is trying to murder King Lear, and they try to poison each other (YES!). People get stabbed (with a dagger) and eyeballs come out (POP!).
So King Lear goes outside and yells at a thunderstorm (a.k.a. cookie sheet!).
He gets to say lots of funny-sounding words like “Alack” and “O nuncle!” and stuff.
The play is a tragedy. It’s supposed to make you cry, but it doesn’t. It usually makes us laugh our heads off. (No heads really come off — just eyeballs!) Or we end up in a fight. King Lear (Dad) usually lets Cordelia live and get the kingdom, which makes Alex and me mad. Then we say, “How come Joey always gets her way?” (So true, even though Joey says it’s so NOT true.) Then Alex quits, then I quit, and Joey yells, “The end!”
KING LEAR
Starring Alex
TIME: OLD-TIMEY ENGLAND
SETTING: THE KINGDOM
(A.K.A. THE REEL LIVING ROOM)
CHARACTERS:
KING LEAR (THE FATHER)
THREE DAUGHTERS:
GONERIL (THE OLDEST . . . THAT’S ME!)
REGAN
CORDELIA (THE YOUNGEST)
Before the curtain rises: King Lear is preening himself, waiting to be flattered. He sits, looking at a map.
King Lear: (Why do I have to remind Dad three times? Stage directions say ‘Point to map’!) ’Tis time I remove myself from public life. I wish to give each of thee, my three daughters, a parcel of my kingdom. This will depend upon how much each of you loves me.
Goneril: Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day? (Good line!) Thou art more —
Stevie: Alex, quit showing off!
Me: What? That’s a real line from Shakespeare. (I should know!)
Stevie: Well, it sounds like Romeo and Juliet, not King Lear.
Joey: Sick! It’s from an ooey-gooey love poem!
Dad: Are we going to do this scene or not?
Regan: OK, I love thee more than all four of the seasons, not just one day in summer.
Goneril: I love thee more than meat loves salt.
Regan: Well, I love thee more than meat loves special sauce, lettuce, and a bunch of other stuff on a sesame-seed bun. My love is supersize!
Me: Hey, no fair. Dad, she’s making it sound like an old hamburger commercial, not Shakespeare. (Since when is Stevie the Shakespeare expert?)
Stevie: Don’t look at me. You’re the one who loves Dad like meat. I’m just following your lead. You always say to ad-lib.
Goneril: (Getting down on one knee in front of King Lear.) I love you more than the ocean has water, more than the sky has stars.
Regan: (Breaking into song.)
My love is warmer than the warmest sunshine, Softer than a sigh. . . .
Me: Um, last time I checked, King Lear was not a musical. (Or a comedy!)
Joey: Then when do I get a line? You guys are the greedy sisters, fighting over all Dad’s, I mean, King Lear’s, stuff. Doesn’t the good daughter get to say any words?
Me: Just be happy you didn’t have to
Similar Books
