hip-flask.
9.30
Barry Kent hands round bars of chocolate stolenfrom self-service shop at service station. Ms Fossington-Gore chooses Bounty bar. 9.40 Barry Kent sick in coach.
9.50
Two girls sitting near Barry Kent are sick.
9.51
Coach driver refuses to stop on motorway.
9.55
Ms Fossington-Gore covers sick in sand.
9.56
Ms Fossington-Gore sick as a dog.
10.30
Coach crawls along on hard shoulder, all other lanes closed for repairs.
11.30
Fight breaks out on back seat as coach approaches end of motorway.
11.45
Fight ends. Ms Fossington-Gore finds first-aid kit and sees to wounds. Barry Kent is punished by sitting next to driver.
11.50
Coach breaks down at Swiss Cottage.
11.55
Coach driver breaks down in front of AA man.
12.30
Class Four-D catch London bus to St Pancras.
1 PM
Class Four-D walk from St Pancras through Bloomsbury.
1.15
Ms Fossington-Gore knocks on door of Tavistock House, asks if Dr Laing will give Barry Kent a quick going-over. Dr Laing in America on lecture tour.
1.30
Enter British Museum. Adrian Mole and Pandora Braithwaite awestruck by evidence of heritage of World Culture. Rest of class Four-D run berserk, laughing at nude statues and dodging curators.
2.15
Ms Fossington-Gore in state of collapse. Adrian Mole makes reverse-charge phone call to headmaster. Headmaster in dinner lady strike-meeting, can’t be disturbed.
3 PM
Curators round up class Four-D and make them sit on steps of museum.
3.05
American tourists photograph Adrian Mole saying he is a ‘cute English schoolboy’.
3.15
Ms Fossington-Gore recovers and leads class Four-D on sightseeing tour of London.
4 PM
Barry Kent jumps in fountain at Trafalgar Square, as predicted by Adrian Mole.
4.30
Barry Kent disappears, last seen heading towards Soho.
4.35
Police arrive, take Four-D to mobile police unit, arrange coach back. Phone parents about new arrival time. Phone headmaster at home. Claire Neilson has hysterical fit. Pandora Braithwaite tells Ms Fossington-Gore she is a disgrace to teaching profession. Ms Fossington-Gore agrees to resign.
6 PM
Barry Kent found in sex shop. Charged with theft of ‘grow-it-big’ cream and two ‘ticklers’.
7 PM
Coach leaves police station with police escort.
7.30
Police escort waves goodbye.
7.35
Coach driver begs Pandora Braithwaite to keep order.
7.36
Pandora Braithwaite keeps order.
8 PM
Ms Fossington-Gore drafts resignation.
8.30
Coach driver afflicted by motorway madness.
8.40
Arrive back. Tyres burning. Class Four-D struck dumb with terror. Ms Fossington-Gore led off by Mr Scruton. Parents up in arms. Coach driver charged by police.
Sunday September 20th
Fourteenth after Trinity. Moon’s Last Quarter
Keep having anxiety attacks every time I think about London, culture or the Mi. Pandora’s parents arelodging an official complaint to everyone they can think of.
Monday September 21st
Mr Scruton complimented Pandora and I on our leadership qualities. Ms Fossington-Gore is on sick leave. All future school trips have been cancelled.
Tuesday September 22nd
The police have dropped charges against coach driver because there is ‘evidence of severe provocation’. The sex shop are not pressing charges either because officially Barry Kent is a child. A child! Barry Kent has never been a child.
Wednesday September 23rd
Mr Scruton has now read my report on the trip to London. He gave me two merit marks for it!
It was on the news today that the British Museum is thinking of banning school parties.
Thursday September 24th
Pandora and I are enjoying the last of the autumn together by walking through leaves and sniffing bonfires. This is the first year I have been able to pass a horse-chestnut tree without throwing a stick at it. Pandora says I am maturing very quickly.
Friday September 25th
Went out conkering with Nigel tonight. I found five big beauties and smashed Nigel’s into pulp. Ha! Ha! Ha!
Saturday September 26th
Took Blossom to see Bert. He can’t walk far these days. Blossom is being sold to
9.30
Barry Kent hands round bars of chocolate stolenfrom self-service shop at service station. Ms Fossington-Gore chooses Bounty bar. 9.40 Barry Kent sick in coach.
9.50
Two girls sitting near Barry Kent are sick.
9.51
Coach driver refuses to stop on motorway.
9.55
Ms Fossington-Gore covers sick in sand.
9.56
Ms Fossington-Gore sick as a dog.
10.30
Coach crawls along on hard shoulder, all other lanes closed for repairs.
11.30
Fight breaks out on back seat as coach approaches end of motorway.
11.45
Fight ends. Ms Fossington-Gore finds first-aid kit and sees to wounds. Barry Kent is punished by sitting next to driver.
11.50
Coach breaks down at Swiss Cottage.
11.55
Coach driver breaks down in front of AA man.
12.30
Class Four-D catch London bus to St Pancras.
1 PM
Class Four-D walk from St Pancras through Bloomsbury.
1.15
Ms Fossington-Gore knocks on door of Tavistock House, asks if Dr Laing will give Barry Kent a quick going-over. Dr Laing in America on lecture tour.
1.30
Enter British Museum. Adrian Mole and Pandora Braithwaite awestruck by evidence of heritage of World Culture. Rest of class Four-D run berserk, laughing at nude statues and dodging curators.
2.15
Ms Fossington-Gore in state of collapse. Adrian Mole makes reverse-charge phone call to headmaster. Headmaster in dinner lady strike-meeting, can’t be disturbed.
3 PM
Curators round up class Four-D and make them sit on steps of museum.
3.05
American tourists photograph Adrian Mole saying he is a ‘cute English schoolboy’.
3.15
Ms Fossington-Gore recovers and leads class Four-D on sightseeing tour of London.
4 PM
Barry Kent jumps in fountain at Trafalgar Square, as predicted by Adrian Mole.
4.30
Barry Kent disappears, last seen heading towards Soho.
4.35
Police arrive, take Four-D to mobile police unit, arrange coach back. Phone parents about new arrival time. Phone headmaster at home. Claire Neilson has hysterical fit. Pandora Braithwaite tells Ms Fossington-Gore she is a disgrace to teaching profession. Ms Fossington-Gore agrees to resign.
6 PM
Barry Kent found in sex shop. Charged with theft of ‘grow-it-big’ cream and two ‘ticklers’.
7 PM
Coach leaves police station with police escort.
7.30
Police escort waves goodbye.
7.35
Coach driver begs Pandora Braithwaite to keep order.
7.36
Pandora Braithwaite keeps order.
8 PM
Ms Fossington-Gore drafts resignation.
8.30
Coach driver afflicted by motorway madness.
8.40
Arrive back. Tyres burning. Class Four-D struck dumb with terror. Ms Fossington-Gore led off by Mr Scruton. Parents up in arms. Coach driver charged by police.
Sunday September 20th
Fourteenth after Trinity. Moon’s Last Quarter
Keep having anxiety attacks every time I think about London, culture or the Mi. Pandora’s parents arelodging an official complaint to everyone they can think of.
Monday September 21st
Mr Scruton complimented Pandora and I on our leadership qualities. Ms Fossington-Gore is on sick leave. All future school trips have been cancelled.
Tuesday September 22nd
The police have dropped charges against coach driver because there is ‘evidence of severe provocation’. The sex shop are not pressing charges either because officially Barry Kent is a child. A child! Barry Kent has never been a child.
Wednesday September 23rd
Mr Scruton has now read my report on the trip to London. He gave me two merit marks for it!
It was on the news today that the British Museum is thinking of banning school parties.
Thursday September 24th
Pandora and I are enjoying the last of the autumn together by walking through leaves and sniffing bonfires. This is the first year I have been able to pass a horse-chestnut tree without throwing a stick at it. Pandora says I am maturing very quickly.
Friday September 25th
Went out conkering with Nigel tonight. I found five big beauties and smashed Nigel’s into pulp. Ha! Ha! Ha!
Saturday September 26th
Took Blossom to see Bert. He can’t walk far these days. Blossom is being sold to
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