out from the inside. People couldn’t see it. They didn’t know. I needed them to, so I tattooed you on the outside of me, too.”
Viviana released a shaky breath of air at his admission. It was as heavy as the emotions filling up her heart, leaping into her throat. She’d always known his vine tattoo was for her, that it represented her in a personal way, but she never understood why he felt the need to permanently keep her on his skin. Viviana never felt the need to ask before, either. Or maybe she was scared to.
“Viviana, what’s wrong?”
The tightening in her throat made it difficult to think. She’d cried so goddamned much over the last month, and even before that, when she’d asked Anton to leave their home. She was sick and fucking tired of crying, of feeling weak, and broken.
“If you love me like that,” she whispered, still feeling his heart beat under her fingers, “…like you say you do, then why would you risk it for someone else? Why put yourself in a position where you could lose it, Anton?”
“I didn’t,” Anton said. “I didn’t go to the club that night with someone else on my mind. I didn’t let another woman touch me because I wanted her to. I might not remember a lot of the circumstances around the event or what came after, but I remember that. I didn’t want that girl to be near me. The day you stepped into my life to be only mine was the last time I ever looked at another female. I can’t keep telling you over and over again hoping you’ll hear me. You need to hear yourself say it, Vine, because obviously it’s not working coming from me.”
“What do you remember, then?” Viviana asked sharply.
“Being confused. Hazy. Knowing something wasn’t right, but I couldn’t correlate it to anything. My first thought was that I was drunk and needed to lay down, so that’s what I went to do in my office. That was all.”
“That’s not all.”
Anton’s jaw flexed in his aggravation. “That’s what I remember feeling. Beyond that, I don’t like what my memories bring up. I don’t know if I gave her the wrong impression, or if she took it upon herself to approach me, but she was in my lap. She was on me, her hand was pulling at my shirt and then it was grabbing at my …” His eyes closed, a grimace marring his mouth as he made a disgusted noise. “After that, it’s a whole lot of nothing, but I know I didn’t want her.”
“If you can’t remember most of what happened, how could you possibly know that, Anton?”
“Because she’s not you !”
Viviana yanked her hand from his hold and moved to leave the bed, but she didn’t have a chance. Anton’s strong arms wrapped around her waist before she’d even gotten to her own side of the bed, forcing her back to the sheets. Looming over her frame, Anton’s gaze had filled with tears. The heavy weight of his body pressing hers into the bed had awakened the simmering need still burning bright through her veins. The last thing Viviana felt was fear while staring up at him.
“She’s not you, Vine,” he repeated thickly. “She’s not my wife, or the mother of my child. She doesn’t share my bed, my life, or my heart. There isn’t a single emotion that girl invokes in me but anger and disgust—mostly at myself. More than everything, the one thing I regret is not knowing. Not being able to give you answers or tell you why. All I can say is I am sorry, so fucking sorry for letting you think for one goddamned minute that anyone could ever make me feel like you do. Nobody can. Never. I’m sorry .”
Viviana swallowed the pain in her heart. “Have you had any contact with her since that night?”
“No,” Anton said instantly. “Absolutely not.”
“Why not?”
“Why would I?”
“To fill in the blanks, maybe,” Viviana suggested. “That would be a valid excuse.”
“I don’t need a fucking excuse , Vine. I don’t want a reason to talk with that girl. I don’t need to be anywhere near
Viviana released a shaky breath of air at his admission. It was as heavy as the emotions filling up her heart, leaping into her throat. She’d always known his vine tattoo was for her, that it represented her in a personal way, but she never understood why he felt the need to permanently keep her on his skin. Viviana never felt the need to ask before, either. Or maybe she was scared to.
“Viviana, what’s wrong?”
The tightening in her throat made it difficult to think. She’d cried so goddamned much over the last month, and even before that, when she’d asked Anton to leave their home. She was sick and fucking tired of crying, of feeling weak, and broken.
“If you love me like that,” she whispered, still feeling his heart beat under her fingers, “…like you say you do, then why would you risk it for someone else? Why put yourself in a position where you could lose it, Anton?”
“I didn’t,” Anton said. “I didn’t go to the club that night with someone else on my mind. I didn’t let another woman touch me because I wanted her to. I might not remember a lot of the circumstances around the event or what came after, but I remember that. I didn’t want that girl to be near me. The day you stepped into my life to be only mine was the last time I ever looked at another female. I can’t keep telling you over and over again hoping you’ll hear me. You need to hear yourself say it, Vine, because obviously it’s not working coming from me.”
“What do you remember, then?” Viviana asked sharply.
“Being confused. Hazy. Knowing something wasn’t right, but I couldn’t correlate it to anything. My first thought was that I was drunk and needed to lay down, so that’s what I went to do in my office. That was all.”
“That’s not all.”
Anton’s jaw flexed in his aggravation. “That’s what I remember feeling. Beyond that, I don’t like what my memories bring up. I don’t know if I gave her the wrong impression, or if she took it upon herself to approach me, but she was in my lap. She was on me, her hand was pulling at my shirt and then it was grabbing at my …” His eyes closed, a grimace marring his mouth as he made a disgusted noise. “After that, it’s a whole lot of nothing, but I know I didn’t want her.”
“If you can’t remember most of what happened, how could you possibly know that, Anton?”
“Because she’s not you !”
Viviana yanked her hand from his hold and moved to leave the bed, but she didn’t have a chance. Anton’s strong arms wrapped around her waist before she’d even gotten to her own side of the bed, forcing her back to the sheets. Looming over her frame, Anton’s gaze had filled with tears. The heavy weight of his body pressing hers into the bed had awakened the simmering need still burning bright through her veins. The last thing Viviana felt was fear while staring up at him.
“She’s not you, Vine,” he repeated thickly. “She’s not my wife, or the mother of my child. She doesn’t share my bed, my life, or my heart. There isn’t a single emotion that girl invokes in me but anger and disgust—mostly at myself. More than everything, the one thing I regret is not knowing. Not being able to give you answers or tell you why. All I can say is I am sorry, so fucking sorry for letting you think for one goddamned minute that anyone could ever make me feel like you do. Nobody can. Never. I’m sorry .”
Viviana swallowed the pain in her heart. “Have you had any contact with her since that night?”
“No,” Anton said instantly. “Absolutely not.”
“Why not?”
“Why would I?”
“To fill in the blanks, maybe,” Viviana suggested. “That would be a valid excuse.”
“I don’t need a fucking excuse , Vine. I don’t want a reason to talk with that girl. I don’t need to be anywhere near
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