them out the front door, obviously
trying to find another way to delay the inevitable.
“Are you free Monday?” Marcia said.
Startled, Sierra looked at her. “Monday?”
“For coffee,” Marcia said and smiled. “Or tea. Or water. I
don’t care.” She laughed at Sierra’s look, then reached out and
squeezed her wrist gently. “What I really want to do is get to
know you better.”
She spoke so sincerely, Sierra didn’t doubt her. Quick tears
burned her eyes, and she wondered that a casual invitation for
coffee could affect her so deeply.
“Monday sounds perfect.”
Mister Grayson cum over today, mad as a grizly.
He said Matthew is going to marry Sally Mae
or he is going to shoot him dead. Papa said no son
of his is going to marry a harlot. Matthew said
Sally Mae is no harlot and they are already married in the eyes of God.
Lucas laughed and called Matthew a fool.
Matthew hit him in the mouth and nocked him
down. He got on top of him and kept pounding
until Papa pulled him off.
Mama has not stopped crying for two days.
Papa said Mister Grayson is sending a rider
around to tell every one who comes to camp
meeting that his daughter is getting married to
8 8
T H E
W I L D E R N E S S
Matthew Benjamin McMurray. Papa said he is
actin proud about it.
Mama said some people have no sense of shame.
Matthew married Sally Mae today. She wore her
dead mother’s white wedding dress. I have never
seen Matthew look as happy as he did when he
put Mama’s ring on her finger.
Sally Mae almost did not have a ring at all.
Papa wud not let Matthew have Grandmama
McMurray’s ring. I heard Papa and Matthew
yellin at each other in the barn. Matthew said he
loves Sally Mae. Papa said no one like Sally Mae
was ever going to wear his mother’s ring. He said
he wuz sorry he listened to Mama. He said he
shud have taken Matthew to Fever River a long
time ago to let him larn some facts of life about
women and then maybe he wud not have fallen
prey to one.
So Mama give Matthew her own wedding ring.
Papa has not said a word to her since.
I wonder if James is still in Fever River and
what he’s doing there.
I got no time for writing in this journal, but it is
the only place I can put down my feelings. And
such feelings! Sometimes I think I will burst.
Mama is sick, bad sick. Sally Mae dont do nothing to help. She and Matt fight all the time. Or
8 9
T H E
S C A R L E T
T H R E A D
rather Sally Mae does all the fighting. He does all
the taking. She says she is bored with her life and
bored with him. All he does is work in the fields
beside Papa and does nothing fun with her. Sometimes I hate her so much I wish her dead. Then she
cries and tells me she loves Matthew and wants to
be a good wife and I feel guilty. She just dont
know how to be good cause she never had a mama
like mine who wud not let her be anythin else.
Mama coughed up blood today. I dont know
what to do. Papa dont spend much time with her
because he cries every time he does. He said he
can’t bear to see her suffering. He told her he
dont know what to do without her. He dont
believe in God. He dont believe in nothing but
what he can do for himself and he can’t do nuthin
for Mama.
Mama said today she is not afraid to die and
I shud not be afraid to let her. She smiles when
I sit with her. She says she is getting closer to
God every minute. I tell her we need her more
than God does, but she says maybe she is in the
way. In the way of what I asked, but she coughed
so long and hard she had no strength to tell me.
Mama died today. She said she could smell the
lilacs through the window. She wanted to hold
some. So I went outside and cut some for her.
When I came back, she was dead.
9 0
T H E
W I L D E R N E S S
I was with her three days knowing her time
was near. Why did she send me away right then?
Papa and Matthew buried Mama yesterday
morning. We could not wait another day for
Lucas to cum
trying to find another way to delay the inevitable.
“Are you free Monday?” Marcia said.
Startled, Sierra looked at her. “Monday?”
“For coffee,” Marcia said and smiled. “Or tea. Or water. I
don’t care.” She laughed at Sierra’s look, then reached out and
squeezed her wrist gently. “What I really want to do is get to
know you better.”
She spoke so sincerely, Sierra didn’t doubt her. Quick tears
burned her eyes, and she wondered that a casual invitation for
coffee could affect her so deeply.
“Monday sounds perfect.”
Mister Grayson cum over today, mad as a grizly.
He said Matthew is going to marry Sally Mae
or he is going to shoot him dead. Papa said no son
of his is going to marry a harlot. Matthew said
Sally Mae is no harlot and they are already married in the eyes of God.
Lucas laughed and called Matthew a fool.
Matthew hit him in the mouth and nocked him
down. He got on top of him and kept pounding
until Papa pulled him off.
Mama has not stopped crying for two days.
Papa said Mister Grayson is sending a rider
around to tell every one who comes to camp
meeting that his daughter is getting married to
8 8
T H E
W I L D E R N E S S
Matthew Benjamin McMurray. Papa said he is
actin proud about it.
Mama said some people have no sense of shame.
Matthew married Sally Mae today. She wore her
dead mother’s white wedding dress. I have never
seen Matthew look as happy as he did when he
put Mama’s ring on her finger.
Sally Mae almost did not have a ring at all.
Papa wud not let Matthew have Grandmama
McMurray’s ring. I heard Papa and Matthew
yellin at each other in the barn. Matthew said he
loves Sally Mae. Papa said no one like Sally Mae
was ever going to wear his mother’s ring. He said
he wuz sorry he listened to Mama. He said he
shud have taken Matthew to Fever River a long
time ago to let him larn some facts of life about
women and then maybe he wud not have fallen
prey to one.
So Mama give Matthew her own wedding ring.
Papa has not said a word to her since.
I wonder if James is still in Fever River and
what he’s doing there.
I got no time for writing in this journal, but it is
the only place I can put down my feelings. And
such feelings! Sometimes I think I will burst.
Mama is sick, bad sick. Sally Mae dont do nothing to help. She and Matt fight all the time. Or
8 9
T H E
S C A R L E T
T H R E A D
rather Sally Mae does all the fighting. He does all
the taking. She says she is bored with her life and
bored with him. All he does is work in the fields
beside Papa and does nothing fun with her. Sometimes I hate her so much I wish her dead. Then she
cries and tells me she loves Matthew and wants to
be a good wife and I feel guilty. She just dont
know how to be good cause she never had a mama
like mine who wud not let her be anythin else.
Mama coughed up blood today. I dont know
what to do. Papa dont spend much time with her
because he cries every time he does. He said he
can’t bear to see her suffering. He told her he
dont know what to do without her. He dont
believe in God. He dont believe in nothing but
what he can do for himself and he can’t do nuthin
for Mama.
Mama said today she is not afraid to die and
I shud not be afraid to let her. She smiles when
I sit with her. She says she is getting closer to
God every minute. I tell her we need her more
than God does, but she says maybe she is in the
way. In the way of what I asked, but she coughed
so long and hard she had no strength to tell me.
Mama died today. She said she could smell the
lilacs through the window. She wanted to hold
some. So I went outside and cut some for her.
When I came back, she was dead.
9 0
T H E
W I L D E R N E S S
I was with her three days knowing her time
was near. Why did she send me away right then?
Papa and Matthew buried Mama yesterday
morning. We could not wait another day for
Lucas to cum
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