goes) how it was going to begin.
I don’t know how this will end.
‘It’s never enough for you is it?’ you said.
That was odd, because it was enough, just then. I pulled you down towards me, feeling your hair on my throat.
I said, ‘If it’s never enough, it’s my fault not yours.’
She looked at me like I’m crazy. Most of my lovers do, and that’s partly why they love me, and partly why they leave. I’m not being completely honest here because I do the leaving myself sometimes.
She said—
‘We both want life. That’s why I’m here.’
‘You want risk.’
‘What’s wrong with that?’
‘And you want safety.’
‘What’s wrong with that?’
‘Don’t you read the financial papers?’
‘Never. I’m married to a banker.’
‘You can’t have safety and risk in the same investment.’
‘You’re not safe.’
‘No, but your marriage is.’
‘Listen, if I left my husband for you …’
‘You think I’d leave you within the year.’
‘Well, yes I do, if you really want to know.’
‘Why do you say that?’
‘You’re not a sticker.’
‘I’m not a quitter.’
‘You want me because you can’t have me.’
‘Is that what you think?’
Heavy sighs. Bedclothes in a mess. Drink of water. Stare at ceiling.
‘I had to have you that night in Paris.’
‘Well done.’
‘I never thought I’d see you again.’
‘Did you want to see me again?’
‘No.’
‘But you went to Capri when you knew I would be there.’
‘I wondered what would happen.’
‘This is all a game, isn’t it?’
‘I wondered if you really could love me.’
‘I don’t understand.’
‘I thought that if you could things might be different, things might change.’
‘And have they changed?’
‘Yes.’
‘In what way?’
‘I started to love you. I didn’t expect that. My fault not yours.’
‘And now?’
She ran her hands over me and there was something like surprise in her voice. She was telling thetruth and that was hard. She looked away and said to me, ‘It seems as though I’ve been caught in my own net.’
I turned and held her as close as I could.
‘I never want to be your trap or snare.’
Then, because she was crying, I told her the Story of the Red Fox.
A hunter loved a Princess. Simple as that.
Every morning he brought her the treasures of the forest. He brought her deer and boar. He brought her wolf skin and buffalo hide. He fought a lion with his bare hands and caught the old black bear that everyone feared. He took nothing for himself. There was nothing he wanted except that she should love him, which she didn’t.
One day, riding with her ladies, the Princess saw in front of them a red fox. Never was a fox so red. She watched it as it ran, stretching out its legs so that it seemed to be lying flat on the surface of the air. All day the fox stayed with the party and the Princess was troubled.
That night the Princess looked in the mirror and it seemed to her that the red of the fox would be perfect against the white of her skin. She stroked her neck and throat, imagining the feel of fox fur. Winter was coming.
When the hunter came to her the next morning, she said, ‘If you love me, bring me the coat of the red fox.’
The hunter said, ‘Ask me anything, but not that.’
‘Then you do not love me,’ said the Princess.
‘I will hunt through the stars and shoot down the Lion and the Bull, but do not ask me for the red fox.’
The Princess was angry and turned away.
After many days and nights, when the snow had begun to fall, light as a promise, the hunter came to the Princess and promised to bring her the red fox. He had one condition.
‘Say it.’
‘The fox must be brought to you alive.’
‘I accept the condition.’
The hunter left the palace and was not seen for three weeks. The weather became colder and the snow was as heavy as sorrow. When the Princess looked out she saw only white.
Or did she?
On the last morning of the third week
I don’t know how this will end.
‘It’s never enough for you is it?’ you said.
That was odd, because it was enough, just then. I pulled you down towards me, feeling your hair on my throat.
I said, ‘If it’s never enough, it’s my fault not yours.’
She looked at me like I’m crazy. Most of my lovers do, and that’s partly why they love me, and partly why they leave. I’m not being completely honest here because I do the leaving myself sometimes.
She said—
‘We both want life. That’s why I’m here.’
‘You want risk.’
‘What’s wrong with that?’
‘And you want safety.’
‘What’s wrong with that?’
‘Don’t you read the financial papers?’
‘Never. I’m married to a banker.’
‘You can’t have safety and risk in the same investment.’
‘You’re not safe.’
‘No, but your marriage is.’
‘Listen, if I left my husband for you …’
‘You think I’d leave you within the year.’
‘Well, yes I do, if you really want to know.’
‘Why do you say that?’
‘You’re not a sticker.’
‘I’m not a quitter.’
‘You want me because you can’t have me.’
‘Is that what you think?’
Heavy sighs. Bedclothes in a mess. Drink of water. Stare at ceiling.
‘I had to have you that night in Paris.’
‘Well done.’
‘I never thought I’d see you again.’
‘Did you want to see me again?’
‘No.’
‘But you went to Capri when you knew I would be there.’
‘I wondered what would happen.’
‘This is all a game, isn’t it?’
‘I wondered if you really could love me.’
‘I don’t understand.’
‘I thought that if you could things might be different, things might change.’
‘And have they changed?’
‘Yes.’
‘In what way?’
‘I started to love you. I didn’t expect that. My fault not yours.’
‘And now?’
She ran her hands over me and there was something like surprise in her voice. She was telling thetruth and that was hard. She looked away and said to me, ‘It seems as though I’ve been caught in my own net.’
I turned and held her as close as I could.
‘I never want to be your trap or snare.’
Then, because she was crying, I told her the Story of the Red Fox.
A hunter loved a Princess. Simple as that.
Every morning he brought her the treasures of the forest. He brought her deer and boar. He brought her wolf skin and buffalo hide. He fought a lion with his bare hands and caught the old black bear that everyone feared. He took nothing for himself. There was nothing he wanted except that she should love him, which she didn’t.
One day, riding with her ladies, the Princess saw in front of them a red fox. Never was a fox so red. She watched it as it ran, stretching out its legs so that it seemed to be lying flat on the surface of the air. All day the fox stayed with the party and the Princess was troubled.
That night the Princess looked in the mirror and it seemed to her that the red of the fox would be perfect against the white of her skin. She stroked her neck and throat, imagining the feel of fox fur. Winter was coming.
When the hunter came to her the next morning, she said, ‘If you love me, bring me the coat of the red fox.’
The hunter said, ‘Ask me anything, but not that.’
‘Then you do not love me,’ said the Princess.
‘I will hunt through the stars and shoot down the Lion and the Bull, but do not ask me for the red fox.’
The Princess was angry and turned away.
After many days and nights, when the snow had begun to fall, light as a promise, the hunter came to the Princess and promised to bring her the red fox. He had one condition.
‘Say it.’
‘The fox must be brought to you alive.’
‘I accept the condition.’
The hunter left the palace and was not seen for three weeks. The weather became colder and the snow was as heavy as sorrow. When the Princess looked out she saw only white.
Or did she?
On the last morning of the third week
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