intent on having me get it right before I attempted it before everyone.
“I think I’ve had enough for tonight,” I said after fifteen attempts.
“You almost have it. You’re just trying too hard. You’re thinking about it too much.”
“Well, of course I’m thinking about it. You have me doing the same thing over and over again and it’s never right.” While I tried to hide my anger towards him, I knew he sensed how agitated I was around him.
He, on the other hand, appeared cool and collected and completely unmoved by the events of that night in my bedroom. How infuriating it was to know that I still felt such a great attraction to him.
“This song is a joyous celebration,” he said.
“I know that,” I bitingly replied.
He ignored the grit in my voice and continued. “It is the culmination of heartache, pain, fear and worry that has been set free in order to allow the deepest love she’s ever known to take her heart.”
“I know.”
“Find the joy in your heart.”
Was he serious? For him, of all people, to tell me to find the joy in my heart when he very well knew that he held the key to that joy… He was mocking me. He had to be.
“Fine,” I said as I regained control of my emotions and determined to show him that there was indeed joy in my heart. “You’re right. I guess I hadn’t really thought of it that way.”
I waved for him to begin the intro, settled my heart into a happy place, and sang with the joy and celebration the song required. The intricate notes were happy and gay, the lyrics real and heartfelt and the finale had me expanding my arms out to invite the world to join in as my joy filled the air and echoed long after Eric had gingerly tapped out the last note.
Knowing I’d done well and proud of it, I smiled sweetly at him.
He nodded his appreciation of the song, but his gaze remained veiled with dismay. Had he not truly wanted me to feel the joy? Had he expected me to bathe in self-pity forever?
No, dear Eric, I thought. I will not sit and sulk while you try to make up your mind about what you feel towards me. I have a show to put on and I will put all my emotions into that, not into questioning you.
Chapter 14
December 16 th , 2009
Dear Diary,
Tonight is the night. I feel ready and look forward to sharing all I’ve been working on with the New York crowd. I know so much is riding on my performance and the responsibility of it all has left me with a few sleepless nights, but I know I’ll live up to the great expectations.
I’m off to hair, make up and wardrobe.
As nervous as I thought I would be, when that golden curtain cleared the way to reveal the full house, I was in a serene place I could barely understand. And when those first notes of that first song rang out, I was absolute calm and confidence. My first note reached to the most distant balcony and it was as clear and perfect as anyone could ask for.
The song came to an end as I was waltz off the stage by Adelle’s love interest. I had all of two minutes to change out of the heavy garment and into a summer frock that was whimsical and frilly. I had ten seconds to spare as I awaited my cue and took to the stage once again.
By intermission, I was riding on a cloud of glory. The show was going off with the perfection few opening nights of any show could boast of. When I sang the last note, I knew I had the hard to impress crowd impressed. I could see the emotion I was displaying reflect in the faces of the men and women in the first few rows.
The spontaneity with which everyone jumped to their feet was astonishing and I felt a sense of pride as I’d rarely felt before. My only regret was my mother who’d not be able to make it for the opening. I remained hopeful that she’d free herself some time soon.
Chace smiled at me, his happiness for me radiating throughout his beaming face. He stood, his eyes still on me as he began to applaud, but the crowd turned their
“I think I’ve had enough for tonight,” I said after fifteen attempts.
“You almost have it. You’re just trying too hard. You’re thinking about it too much.”
“Well, of course I’m thinking about it. You have me doing the same thing over and over again and it’s never right.” While I tried to hide my anger towards him, I knew he sensed how agitated I was around him.
He, on the other hand, appeared cool and collected and completely unmoved by the events of that night in my bedroom. How infuriating it was to know that I still felt such a great attraction to him.
“This song is a joyous celebration,” he said.
“I know that,” I bitingly replied.
He ignored the grit in my voice and continued. “It is the culmination of heartache, pain, fear and worry that has been set free in order to allow the deepest love she’s ever known to take her heart.”
“I know.”
“Find the joy in your heart.”
Was he serious? For him, of all people, to tell me to find the joy in my heart when he very well knew that he held the key to that joy… He was mocking me. He had to be.
“Fine,” I said as I regained control of my emotions and determined to show him that there was indeed joy in my heart. “You’re right. I guess I hadn’t really thought of it that way.”
I waved for him to begin the intro, settled my heart into a happy place, and sang with the joy and celebration the song required. The intricate notes were happy and gay, the lyrics real and heartfelt and the finale had me expanding my arms out to invite the world to join in as my joy filled the air and echoed long after Eric had gingerly tapped out the last note.
Knowing I’d done well and proud of it, I smiled sweetly at him.
He nodded his appreciation of the song, but his gaze remained veiled with dismay. Had he not truly wanted me to feel the joy? Had he expected me to bathe in self-pity forever?
No, dear Eric, I thought. I will not sit and sulk while you try to make up your mind about what you feel towards me. I have a show to put on and I will put all my emotions into that, not into questioning you.
Chapter 14
December 16 th , 2009
Dear Diary,
Tonight is the night. I feel ready and look forward to sharing all I’ve been working on with the New York crowd. I know so much is riding on my performance and the responsibility of it all has left me with a few sleepless nights, but I know I’ll live up to the great expectations.
I’m off to hair, make up and wardrobe.
As nervous as I thought I would be, when that golden curtain cleared the way to reveal the full house, I was in a serene place I could barely understand. And when those first notes of that first song rang out, I was absolute calm and confidence. My first note reached to the most distant balcony and it was as clear and perfect as anyone could ask for.
The song came to an end as I was waltz off the stage by Adelle’s love interest. I had all of two minutes to change out of the heavy garment and into a summer frock that was whimsical and frilly. I had ten seconds to spare as I awaited my cue and took to the stage once again.
By intermission, I was riding on a cloud of glory. The show was going off with the perfection few opening nights of any show could boast of. When I sang the last note, I knew I had the hard to impress crowd impressed. I could see the emotion I was displaying reflect in the faces of the men and women in the first few rows.
The spontaneity with which everyone jumped to their feet was astonishing and I felt a sense of pride as I’d rarely felt before. My only regret was my mother who’d not be able to make it for the opening. I remained hopeful that she’d free herself some time soon.
Chace smiled at me, his happiness for me radiating throughout his beaming face. He stood, his eyes still on me as he began to applaud, but the crowd turned their
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