There was Etienne, perhaps our most trusted chemist. He was nearing forty with a family of five children. I picked out Jean-Paul, a violet grower; Alain, one of our foremen; Hercule, a giant of a fellow who could coax muguet from our fields to be as sweet as I knew his nature to be. On his heels was Stephane, who worked in the distillery – an only child, as far as I could recall.
And there he was, grinning for me. Or, at least that’s what I told myself. Felix was hailed as not only the most handsome bachelor in the town but the most eligible. I was aware of his reputation amongst his peers of his female conquests and I also knew directly from Felix that he would never marry someone from Grasse.
‘Too much history, Ettie. We’ve all grown up together.’
‘Not all of us,’ I’d remarked.
‘Well, those who didn’t come from our side of the bed have watched me grow up and I’ve probably . . .’ He had stopped and I had given him a sideways look. ‘Well’ — he’d continued with a sigh that said
Let’s say no more about it
, ‘you understand.’
‘Yes, Felix, I do.’
He wore the same slightly lopsided smile now as he had then and while I convinced myself it was for me, because he had broken orders presumably to look directly at me, I heard various women call out his name. He winked and my heart hurt. Felix was so full of mischief, so full of affection for everyone, and was adored in return. I was admired but not adored like my brother. I waved, blew him a long kiss and barely registered the tears until a soft breeze made the moisture cool on my cheeks. I mouthed, ‘Where’s Henri?’ but Felix could only give a slight shake of his head. They’d look after one another.
I had no idea where Aimery and the 23e had been sent from Grasse but I imagined he’d send news soon enough so I could stop shrugging, looking blank or making excuses whenever anyone from the town asked me.
Opposite me, through the column of marching men, I caught a glimpse of Graciela again. Was she looking for my husband? Did she not know he had already left the immediate region? As far as he’d told me, his regiment, though assembled at Grasse, had left during the same day he’d left me. I was yet to learn where the new barracks were. She looked even more anguished than she had on the day of the wedding.
‘Madame De Lasset?’
I swung around, my thoughts interrupted by one of the women from a family of growers. ‘Yes? Oh, hello, Soline. Surely your father is not marching?’
She shook her head. ‘He would if he could. I don’t know if my father will see out the year.’ She sighed, but did not dwell on that hurt. ‘No, my two cousins are leaving with this regiment.’
‘They look resplendent, don’t they?’
‘I suppose. They’re both so young.’
‘Everyone’s too young to go to war,’ I replied, just short of being dismissive and sounding like one of our elders. Did marriage do this to people? One day riding a bicycle through puddles and shrieking with laughter, the next behaving contemptuously of single people, as though being wed brought vast wisdom? ‘I’m sorry,’ I followed up quickly. ‘That was condescending of me. I am a believer that war is pointless, even if you do hail yourself the winner. The ruin of people, families, livelihoods, land, finances feels too costly.’
‘What’s the alternative, though, Madame? I admit I have no desire to learn German.’
She had a point and I conceded it with a sad nod.
I looked back and Graciela had effected one of her amazing disappearing acts and Felix was already advancing out of my immediate sight. At any other time I would have chased the column, calling his name. Now I was expected to behave with grace. It would be unseemly but it didn’t stop me standing on tiptoe to maximise my full height. I caught a final glimpse of his beret, worn just a smidge more rakishly than his companions.
And then he was gone. Lost to the blur of brave blue. What were
And there he was, grinning for me. Or, at least that’s what I told myself. Felix was hailed as not only the most handsome bachelor in the town but the most eligible. I was aware of his reputation amongst his peers of his female conquests and I also knew directly from Felix that he would never marry someone from Grasse.
‘Too much history, Ettie. We’ve all grown up together.’
‘Not all of us,’ I’d remarked.
‘Well, those who didn’t come from our side of the bed have watched me grow up and I’ve probably . . .’ He had stopped and I had given him a sideways look. ‘Well’ — he’d continued with a sigh that said
Let’s say no more about it
, ‘you understand.’
‘Yes, Felix, I do.’
He wore the same slightly lopsided smile now as he had then and while I convinced myself it was for me, because he had broken orders presumably to look directly at me, I heard various women call out his name. He winked and my heart hurt. Felix was so full of mischief, so full of affection for everyone, and was adored in return. I was admired but not adored like my brother. I waved, blew him a long kiss and barely registered the tears until a soft breeze made the moisture cool on my cheeks. I mouthed, ‘Where’s Henri?’ but Felix could only give a slight shake of his head. They’d look after one another.
I had no idea where Aimery and the 23e had been sent from Grasse but I imagined he’d send news soon enough so I could stop shrugging, looking blank or making excuses whenever anyone from the town asked me.
Opposite me, through the column of marching men, I caught a glimpse of Graciela again. Was she looking for my husband? Did she not know he had already left the immediate region? As far as he’d told me, his regiment, though assembled at Grasse, had left during the same day he’d left me. I was yet to learn where the new barracks were. She looked even more anguished than she had on the day of the wedding.
‘Madame De Lasset?’
I swung around, my thoughts interrupted by one of the women from a family of growers. ‘Yes? Oh, hello, Soline. Surely your father is not marching?’
She shook her head. ‘He would if he could. I don’t know if my father will see out the year.’ She sighed, but did not dwell on that hurt. ‘No, my two cousins are leaving with this regiment.’
‘They look resplendent, don’t they?’
‘I suppose. They’re both so young.’
‘Everyone’s too young to go to war,’ I replied, just short of being dismissive and sounding like one of our elders. Did marriage do this to people? One day riding a bicycle through puddles and shrieking with laughter, the next behaving contemptuously of single people, as though being wed brought vast wisdom? ‘I’m sorry,’ I followed up quickly. ‘That was condescending of me. I am a believer that war is pointless, even if you do hail yourself the winner. The ruin of people, families, livelihoods, land, finances feels too costly.’
‘What’s the alternative, though, Madame? I admit I have no desire to learn German.’
She had a point and I conceded it with a sad nod.
I looked back and Graciela had effected one of her amazing disappearing acts and Felix was already advancing out of my immediate sight. At any other time I would have chased the column, calling his name. Now I was expected to behave with grace. It would be unseemly but it didn’t stop me standing on tiptoe to maximise my full height. I caught a final glimpse of his beret, worn just a smidge more rakishly than his companions.
And then he was gone. Lost to the blur of brave blue. What were
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