then that she grabs my hand in a reassuring gesture. As our skin touches, I feel that spark, that flame, that desire to hold her again. Too bad that feeling is clearly one-sided. She’s looking at me with sad eyes, but it’s more than that. She’s looking at me like a girl would look at her brother. My heart plummets. I don’t want to be looked at as her brother or put in the friend-zone permanently. This was just supposed to be temporary until she remembered the love we have for each other. I hate the situation we’re in.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have answered that while we were eating. That was very rude of me,” she says with a contrite look on her face.
I try to keep calm and reply, “That’s okay. I don’t mind you talking to a friend while we’re hanging out.” I think she gets where I’m going with that comment because she responds by saying, “Yes, Pierce is a friend. I think the reason I enjoy talking to him is because he’s not involved in our situation at all. Do you know how much pressure I feel every day to remember us? It’s constant. I feel it from myself, Colby, Damon, my mom, and sometimes you.” I start to interrupt her, but she holds up her finger. I close my mouth to let her finish. “I know you don’t do it on purpose, Colin. Seeing you makes me want to remember what we had. I know it must have been special if we were planning to get married. So, for me, Pierce is an outsider I can unload all of my crap on without getting unwanted advice. It helps me have a moment where I’m not stressed. And I think the less stress I have, the better my chances are of recovering my memory. Okay?”
I nod. I guess Jeremy is right. I don’t have anything to worry about. Yet. “I’m sorry if I was coming off as psycho or jealous. I can’t help it. I have these feelings for you and they aren’t going away. I’m not saying this to make you feel guilty for not remembering, or to feel pressured. I just want you to know where I’m coming from. But, I like where things are going. I like that we’re able to sit here, talk, and eat together. So, if you need Pierce as an outlet to help work things out, then I’m completely okay with that.” I turn my hand over and squeeze hers. “Thank you for explaining it to me. You don’t owe it to me, but I appreciate it all the same,” I tell her. This time I give her a real smile.
I’m glad we were able to talk about Pierce and I feel much lighter now that I know where she stands with him. Do I feel completely comfortable with it? No. However, it does give me hope that she actually wants to remember. There are times where I was starting to doubt if she wanted her memories back. God, I hope they come back to her soon. Each day is like a slow, agonizing death. For now, though, I’ll have to keep being patient and continue to be her friend.
A WEEK HAS gone by since my lunch with Colin. Things have been crazy busy for me. I’ve gotten to spend some more time with Colin and Pierce. They are both fun to hang out with. The awkwardness has disappeared between me and Colin and I feel like our friendship is finally starting to gain some solid ground. I feel bad because I have kind of been neglecting Colby and Morgan. They have always been there for me and I haven’t made any time for them lately. I walk over to the side of my bed where my phone is charging and text Colby.
Me: Hey what are you doing tonight?
While waiting for Colby to text me back, I hop in the shower to get ready in case she wants to hang out tonight. I throw on a pair of dark blue jeans and a NY Yankees T-shirt. As I finish, I hear my phone alert me of a new text message.
Colby: Me and Damon are going to cosmic lanes at seven. Want to come?
Another text comes through but this time it’s from Pierce.
Pierce: Hey whatcha up to ;-)
Me: Oh nothing just getting dressed.
Pierce: Going out?
I am about to respond when Colby’s call flashed across my screen.
“Hello,” I
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have answered that while we were eating. That was very rude of me,” she says with a contrite look on her face.
I try to keep calm and reply, “That’s okay. I don’t mind you talking to a friend while we’re hanging out.” I think she gets where I’m going with that comment because she responds by saying, “Yes, Pierce is a friend. I think the reason I enjoy talking to him is because he’s not involved in our situation at all. Do you know how much pressure I feel every day to remember us? It’s constant. I feel it from myself, Colby, Damon, my mom, and sometimes you.” I start to interrupt her, but she holds up her finger. I close my mouth to let her finish. “I know you don’t do it on purpose, Colin. Seeing you makes me want to remember what we had. I know it must have been special if we were planning to get married. So, for me, Pierce is an outsider I can unload all of my crap on without getting unwanted advice. It helps me have a moment where I’m not stressed. And I think the less stress I have, the better my chances are of recovering my memory. Okay?”
I nod. I guess Jeremy is right. I don’t have anything to worry about. Yet. “I’m sorry if I was coming off as psycho or jealous. I can’t help it. I have these feelings for you and they aren’t going away. I’m not saying this to make you feel guilty for not remembering, or to feel pressured. I just want you to know where I’m coming from. But, I like where things are going. I like that we’re able to sit here, talk, and eat together. So, if you need Pierce as an outlet to help work things out, then I’m completely okay with that.” I turn my hand over and squeeze hers. “Thank you for explaining it to me. You don’t owe it to me, but I appreciate it all the same,” I tell her. This time I give her a real smile.
I’m glad we were able to talk about Pierce and I feel much lighter now that I know where she stands with him. Do I feel completely comfortable with it? No. However, it does give me hope that she actually wants to remember. There are times where I was starting to doubt if she wanted her memories back. God, I hope they come back to her soon. Each day is like a slow, agonizing death. For now, though, I’ll have to keep being patient and continue to be her friend.
A WEEK HAS gone by since my lunch with Colin. Things have been crazy busy for me. I’ve gotten to spend some more time with Colin and Pierce. They are both fun to hang out with. The awkwardness has disappeared between me and Colin and I feel like our friendship is finally starting to gain some solid ground. I feel bad because I have kind of been neglecting Colby and Morgan. They have always been there for me and I haven’t made any time for them lately. I walk over to the side of my bed where my phone is charging and text Colby.
Me: Hey what are you doing tonight?
While waiting for Colby to text me back, I hop in the shower to get ready in case she wants to hang out tonight. I throw on a pair of dark blue jeans and a NY Yankees T-shirt. As I finish, I hear my phone alert me of a new text message.
Colby: Me and Damon are going to cosmic lanes at seven. Want to come?
Another text comes through but this time it’s from Pierce.
Pierce: Hey whatcha up to ;-)
Me: Oh nothing just getting dressed.
Pierce: Going out?
I am about to respond when Colby’s call flashed across my screen.
“Hello,” I
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