The Nothingness of Ben by Brad Boney Page A

of course, noticed nothing at first. Quentin, Jason, and Cade knew that Travis fixed cars for a living and didn’t understand why Ben would have told Colin otherwise. Ben’s heart broke when he saw the ashen look on Travis’s face and knew that he had made a terrible mistake.
    “Why would you tell him that?” Travis pleaded.
    “I’m sorry, Travis. I didn’t think….”
    “Are you ashamed of me?”
    “What’s going on here?” David asked Quentin.
    “Travis is not a student. He’s an auto mechanic. It seems Ben lied and told Colin otherwise, though I haven’t figured out why that was necessary.”
    “What?” exclaimed Colin. “Why would you tell me he was a grad student if he wasn’t?”
    “Because,” Ben answered. “You were asking me twenty questions and I didn’t want to hear some ‘grease monkey’ comment when I told you what he did for a living. It was a stupid thing to do. If I had known….”
    David interrupted him. “Why were you asking him twenty questions?”
    “You really screwed the pooch this time,” Quentin said.
    Travis got up from the table.
    “Don’t leave,” Colin protested. “So he told a little white lie. Since he can demonstrate absence of malice, why don’t we all settle the case and move on?”
    “Do you always cover his ass like that?” asked Travis.
    “Excuse me?”
    Travis looked like he might be sick to his stomach.
    “I gotta git,” he said, flying out the front door without bothering to close it behind him.
    No one said anything for several moments. Ben gazed down at his plate but could feel everyone staring at him, especially Quentin and Cade. Finally, he looked up at David, who wore his own brand of renewed disappointment.
    “That,” Colin whispered to Jason, “is how they do it Jersey Shore style.”
    “Shut up!” David barked. “Ben, can I talk to you? In private?”
    “Do we have to do this now?”
    “I can leave now if you want, or we can talk and then I can leave. It’s up to you.”
    “David,” Colin interrupted. “You’re overreacting. Everyone’s overreacting.”
    David ignored him. “Ben?”
    “Okay. Let’s step outside. The rest of you stay where you are.”
    Ben followed David to the front door and then stepped out onto the porch. He looked across the street.
    No more lights.
    “Do you have feelings for him?” David asked once Ben had closed the door behind him.
    “What are you talking about? I met the guy two weeks ago.”
    “And you met me two months ago. You would only be embarrassed about what he did for a living if you had feelings for him. That’s why you lied to Colin. You were ashamed to tell your best friend you’re into somebody who fixes cars for a living.”
    “You’re insane.”
    “No, something’s going on. You told me he was nobody, but that’s not true. I saw it on his face when he stopped by last night. He’s somebody. He needed to talk to you. And this morning, when you were still asleep, you were dreaming about someone else. I’m sure of it. It was him, wasn’t it?”
    “No.”
    “Don’t lie to me too.”
    “Okay,” Ben said in surrender. “Yes. It was him. Are you happy now? I’m as lost as any human being on the planet. I don’t know which end is up or what direction I’m going in. I know you want us to move forward, but I can’t be responsible for you right now. I just became a dad to three teenage boys! I’m ten years younger than you, David. I don’t have space in my head for this.”
    “Then why did you fuck me last night?” David asked, accusing him, his eyes glassy with tears.
    “I don’t know. I was lonely and horny and I ended up thinking with my dick. But I was happy to see you. You’re an amazing guy. It’s just….”
    “Not going to work out.”
    Ben paused. Then he said,
    “No, it’s not. Not the way you want it to.” He reached out his hand but David moved away.
    “This was a mistake after all. Coming here. I should never have listened to Colin.”
    “David,