The Most Beautiful Woman in Town by Charles Bukowski Page A

into her snatch and just couldn’t get the thing out and had to go to a doctor. he got it out, and somehow the story got out. she was ruined in that town after that, and didn’t have sense enough to get out. nobody wanted her except the nasty dwarf with the shakes. he didn’t give a damn — he had the best piece of ass in town.
    where was I? oh, yeah.
    her fox fur went faster and faster and I finally got something going just as I heard a key go into the door. oh, shit, it was probably Vicki!
    well, it’s simple, I thought. I’ll just boot her ass out and go about my business.
    the door opened and there stood Vicki with 2 cops standing behind her.
    â€œGET THAT WOMAN OUT OF MY HOUSE!” she screamed.
    COPS! I couldn’t believe it. I pulled the sheet over my pulsating and throbbing and giant sexual organ and pretended to be asleep. it looked like I had a cucumber under there.
    Margy was screaming back: “I know you, Vicki, this ain’t your god damned house! this guy EARNS his way by licking your asshole hairs! he gets you babbling to heaven in Morse code with that long sandpaper tongue of his, and you’re nothing but a WHORE, a true blue turdy-gulping 2-dollar whore. and THAT went out with Franky D., and you were 48 THEN!”
    hearing that, my cucumber went down. both of these broads must have been 80 years old. singly, that is, together they might have reached back to suck-off Abe Lincoln. something like that. suck-off General Robert E. Lee, Patrick Henry. Mozart. Dr. Samuel Johnson. Robespierre. Napoleon. Machiavelli? wine preserves. God endures. the whores blow on.
    and Vicki screamed back: “WHO’S A WHORE? WHO’S A WHORE, HUH? YOU’RE A WHORE, THAT’S WHO! YOU’VE BEEN SELLING THAT CLAPPED HOLE OF YOURS UP AND DOWN ALVARADO STREET FOR 30 YEARS! A BLIND RAT WOULD BACK UP 4 TIMES IF HE RAN INTO THERE ONCE! AND YOU HOLLERING TOW! POW!’ WHEN YOU’RE LUCKY ENOUGH TO GET A GUY TO COME! AND THAT WENT OUT WHEN CONFUCIUS FUCKED HIS MOTHER!”
    â€œWHY YOU CHEAP BITCH. YOU’VE GIVEN OUT MORE BLUE BALLS THAN A SILVER CHRISTMAS TREE IN DISNEYLAND. WHY YOU …”
    â€œlisten, ladies,” said one of the cops. “I will have to ask you to watch your remarks and lower the volume. understanding and kindness are the keynotes of Democratic thought. oh, I just DO love the way Bobby Kennedy wears that tickling blobbing knot of raunchy hair over one side of his darling head don’t you just?”
    â€œwhy you fuckin’ queer,” said Margy, “is that why you wear them tight pants, to make your asshole sweeter? god, it DOES look NICE! I’d kinda like to, do you in myself. I see you shits bending over into car windows giving out tickets on the freeways and I always feel like pinching your tight little asses.”
    the cop suddenly got a brilliant flare in his dead eyes, he unhitched his club and tapped Margy along the side of the neck with it. she fell to the floor.
    then he slipped the bracelets on her. I could hear those clicks, and the bastards ALWAYS snapped them too tight. but they felt almost GOOD once you got them on, kind of forceful and heavy and you felt like Christ or something dramatic.
    I kept my eyes closed so I couldn’t see whether they threw a robe or something over her.
    then the cop who snapped the bracelets said to the other cop, “I’ll take her on the elevator. we’ll go on the elevator.”
    and I couldn’t hear very well, but I listened as they went down, and I heard Margy screaming, “oooooh, oooooooh, you bastard. let go of me, let go of me!”
    and he kept saying, “shut up, shut up, shut up! you’re only getting what you deserve! and you haven’t seen ANYTHING yet! this .. . is just the … beginning!”
    then she really screamed.
    then the other cop walked over to me. through one narrowed eye I could see him put his big black shiny shoe up on the