The Moment You Were Gone by Nicci Gerrard Page B

and Nancy’s flat, the following day, knowing from Stefan that she would find her friend there. Nancy had arranged a time when Stefan was at work to collect her possessions and drop off the keys. Gaby was struck by how efficient she was being – telling her brother in the evening, moving out lock, stock and barrel the nextafternoon, not even keeping a key in case she should want to return. They had been together for five years, they had planned their future together, but now in a single day she was clearing away all signs that she had ever been there. Gaby was nearly too late. Nancy had arrived earlier and spent less time in the flat than she had anticipated, so Gaby came upon her pulling her last case into the back of the van, the engine already running and ready to go. She was wearing dark jeans, sneakers and a black leather jacket, and her hair was covered with a bandana. She looked agile, streamlined, vaguely piratical. When she saw Gaby she seemed neither startled nor guilty. She slammed the back doors shut, rubbed her hands on her jeans and stood back. ‘Gaby,’ she said, ‘I thought it was better this way. A quick, clean break.’
    ‘Better?’ said Gaby, raising her voice and making Ethan, asleep in his buggy, jerk awake for an instant. ‘Better?’
    ‘Yes.’
    ‘Easier, you mean. Creeping away like a thief in the night so you don’t have to see the pain you’re causing.’
    ‘I know the pain I’m causing.’
    ‘No, you don’t. You don’t know. You’ve got no idea.’
    ‘But it doesn’t matter anyway, does it? Pity doesn’t make you stay with someone.’
    ‘Why?’ Gaby had said. ‘Why, for God’s sake? I thought you loved him. He certainly loves you. I thought you were going to stay together. It was all so good.’
    ‘No, it wasn’t.’
    ‘Stefan thought it was.’
    ‘Stefan would think things were good even if he wasdrowning, as if hoping can make it so. I know you adore him. I know he’s adorable – but that’s what he does, isn’t it? It’s what you both do, and always have.’
    Gaby gazed at her for a moment, her mouth open. Ethan stirred and she rocked the buggy violently until he whimpered in protest. ‘Do you think I’m going to stand here on the pavement and discuss what’s wrong with Stefan and with me?’
    ‘That’s not –’
    ‘What about me?’
    ‘You?’
    ‘Weren’t you going to tell me? We’re friends, aren’t we? We’ve always been friends.’
    ‘You’re right. I should have said. The truth is, I didn’t know what to say, and I had to tell Stefan first. I was going to write to you later.’
    ‘Write – what? A postcard or something, saying, “By the way, I’ve gone away. It’s been nice.”’
    ‘Not a postcard, of course not. Gaby –’
    ‘And you’re Ethan’s godmother – non-godmother, whatever.’
    ‘I don’t think he’ll miss me.’
    ‘Have you met someone else? Out with the old and in with the new.’
    Nancy made a small gesture, palms up, but didn’t reply.
    ‘So – that’s it?’
    ‘That’s it.’
    ‘It’s very cruel.’
    ‘Life’s very –’
    ‘Oh, please, don’t start spouting clichés at me!’ She heard her own voice, ugly in its humiliation, then watchedas Nancy fished her keys out of the jacket pocket, walked up to the door of the flat, and pushed them through the letterbox.
    ‘Will I see you?’ Gaby asked. ‘You don’t have to chuck me, too. Things can’t just
go
like this, as if they’ve been washed away by the tide. After all these years. Can they?’
    There was a pause.
    ‘I should go, Gaby,’ said Nancy. Her voice was unwavering.
    ‘You haven’t even said sorry!’
    ‘If it makes it better, I’m sorry. More than you’ll ever know.’
    ‘It doesn’t make it better.’
    The two women stared at each other. Gaby watched as Nancy stepped into the van, and revved the engine, then pulled out. That was the image she remembered now, Nancy’s face behind the glass, implacable and composed. Seeing her