children he'd be gone.'
There was a pause before Sylvia said, 'That was just the heat of the moment. I'm sure he doesn't mean it.'
'But if there is someone else, and I carry on behaving like this .. .'
'He just needs you to make love with him,' Sylvia said. 'Is that so much to ask when you love him?'
Julia's heart sank as she sat down at her desk and dropped her head into one hand. 'It might not seem so to you,' she said, 'it doesn't to me, when you're putting it into words, but if you knew what happened to me ... How it feels when he's ... The only way I can describe it is, it's like I'm being sucked into a vacuum of nothingness. Everything seems to go dark, like it's swallowing me up, or closing in on me, or smothering me ... I know it sounds crazy, but it's so ghastly that I just can't bear to go on, and quite frankly I'm starting to wonder if I'm more in need of an exorcist than a therapist.'
'Now that would be interesting,' Sylvia responded humorously.
Julia laughed, but a moment later unease was coming over her again. 'If he is having an affair I think I might kill him,' she declared.
'Julia, honestly ...'
'No, I'm serious. And the same goes for her, whoever she is. I actually fantasise about it - catching them together and blowing out their brains. So how's that for nuts?'
Sylvia took a moment before saying, 'Most women feel like that when they're afraid they're being cheated on. Have you mentioned it to Josh?'
'No. I think he really would leave me and take the children with him, if he knew I was having those kinds of thoughts.'
Sylvia sighed, and Julia heard the slap of clay going onto the wheel. 'If you ask me,' she said,
'Hamish Kincaid's book couldn't have come at a better time.'
Julia felt puzzled, and slightly unnerved by her loss of memory. 'I told you about that?' she said, trying to remember when. 'Anyway, yes, you're right, but it's not due for a few more weeks.'
'Then why don't you offer to do some reviews in the meantime? Or look into setting up some more writers' workshops. The last ones were a great success.'
'You're starting to sound like Josh,' Julia complained, 'and the trouble is, you're both right. I need to involve myself in something, or I really am going to drive myself nuts. And on that note, I'd better ring off, because I've promised to take the boys over to the park for a kick around.'
'OK. Before you go, I'm presuming there haven't been any more mystery calls from your father?'
'No. None, but I've promised Josh I'll do something about that once Kincaid's book is done. Any other developments I'll let you know.'
After saying goodbye, she went to round up the boys, took them for the promised treat, then returned to start preparing the Sunday roast, which they generally ate around six in the evening. And by the time Josh and Shannon came home the chicken was liberally seasoned, stuffed and roasting, the vegetables were prepared and she was enjoying a lavishly perfumed soak in the bath.
As she heard the front door bang closed behind them she began rehearsing her words of apology, even though she wasn't at all sure Josh would accept them, nor could she blame him if he didn't. But she'd try anyway, because the comment about
not needing him had been hurtful, and not what he deserved at all, particularly when it could hardly be further from the truth.
After a while she heard his and Shannon's voices next door in Dan's room, though she couldn't make out what they were saying, except Josh was clearly making them laugh. Then she heard him come into their bedroom and start getting changed. Presumably Dan had told him where she was, but he didn't venture into the bathroom, nor did he call out to let her know he was back.
Submerging herself in the bubbles, she considered what it might be like to drown. She held her breath and listened to the muted thud of her heart. Long, other-worldly moments ticked by until she came up again, and took in air. She lay quietly. No sounds from the bedroom
There was a pause before Sylvia said, 'That was just the heat of the moment. I'm sure he doesn't mean it.'
'But if there is someone else, and I carry on behaving like this .. .'
'He just needs you to make love with him,' Sylvia said. 'Is that so much to ask when you love him?'
Julia's heart sank as she sat down at her desk and dropped her head into one hand. 'It might not seem so to you,' she said, 'it doesn't to me, when you're putting it into words, but if you knew what happened to me ... How it feels when he's ... The only way I can describe it is, it's like I'm being sucked into a vacuum of nothingness. Everything seems to go dark, like it's swallowing me up, or closing in on me, or smothering me ... I know it sounds crazy, but it's so ghastly that I just can't bear to go on, and quite frankly I'm starting to wonder if I'm more in need of an exorcist than a therapist.'
'Now that would be interesting,' Sylvia responded humorously.
Julia laughed, but a moment later unease was coming over her again. 'If he is having an affair I think I might kill him,' she declared.
'Julia, honestly ...'
'No, I'm serious. And the same goes for her, whoever she is. I actually fantasise about it - catching them together and blowing out their brains. So how's that for nuts?'
Sylvia took a moment before saying, 'Most women feel like that when they're afraid they're being cheated on. Have you mentioned it to Josh?'
'No. I think he really would leave me and take the children with him, if he knew I was having those kinds of thoughts.'
Sylvia sighed, and Julia heard the slap of clay going onto the wheel. 'If you ask me,' she said,
'Hamish Kincaid's book couldn't have come at a better time.'
Julia felt puzzled, and slightly unnerved by her loss of memory. 'I told you about that?' she said, trying to remember when. 'Anyway, yes, you're right, but it's not due for a few more weeks.'
'Then why don't you offer to do some reviews in the meantime? Or look into setting up some more writers' workshops. The last ones were a great success.'
'You're starting to sound like Josh,' Julia complained, 'and the trouble is, you're both right. I need to involve myself in something, or I really am going to drive myself nuts. And on that note, I'd better ring off, because I've promised to take the boys over to the park for a kick around.'
'OK. Before you go, I'm presuming there haven't been any more mystery calls from your father?'
'No. None, but I've promised Josh I'll do something about that once Kincaid's book is done. Any other developments I'll let you know.'
After saying goodbye, she went to round up the boys, took them for the promised treat, then returned to start preparing the Sunday roast, which they generally ate around six in the evening. And by the time Josh and Shannon came home the chicken was liberally seasoned, stuffed and roasting, the vegetables were prepared and she was enjoying a lavishly perfumed soak in the bath.
As she heard the front door bang closed behind them she began rehearsing her words of apology, even though she wasn't at all sure Josh would accept them, nor could she blame him if he didn't. But she'd try anyway, because the comment about
not needing him had been hurtful, and not what he deserved at all, particularly when it could hardly be further from the truth.
After a while she heard his and Shannon's voices next door in Dan's room, though she couldn't make out what they were saying, except Josh was clearly making them laugh. Then she heard him come into their bedroom and start getting changed. Presumably Dan had told him where she was, but he didn't venture into the bathroom, nor did he call out to let her know he was back.
Submerging herself in the bubbles, she considered what it might be like to drown. She held her breath and listened to the muted thud of her heart. Long, other-worldly moments ticked by until she came up again, and took in air. She lay quietly. No sounds from the bedroom
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