The MC Sinners Series 2 - Heaven's sinners by Jewel Bella Page B

working to get enough money for school.”
    “No man then?”
    “There was one.”
    “What happened?” he asks, pulling out a cigarette and offering me one.
    “No thanks,” I say.
    He lights the cigarette, and then leans against the trunk again. “Well?”
    “He just wasn’t...for me. We were together a little while, things were okay, but it was just never there you know? That spark.”
    “Yeah, I’m hearin’ ya.”
    “After that, I just kept to myself.”
    “Tom Cat’s been dry?” he jokes lightly.
    “Something like that.” I laugh.
    “You know, for what it’s worth, I am sorry you came back to find me married.”
    I flinch and he stares at me, our eyes just holding each other’s for what seems like minutes.
    “I know you are.”
    He looks away, and his shoulders straighten. “It was better that way.”
    “For who?”
    “For you.”
    “How do you suppose that is?”
    He turns back to me. “I was never good enough for you, Tom Cat. Cheyenne, she was easy, she was flirty and outgoing. You were different, you were beautiful, quiet, and fuckin’ fragile. I would have broken you.”
    “That was my problem,” I say in a soft, small voice. “I was never enough to compare.”
    He spins to me, gripping my arm. “You were more than enough, that was the fuckin’ problem. You more than compared. You were very different to her, but it wasn’t in a way that made you any less beautiful.”
    I swallow, and my body winds up tightly with tension.
    “Cade told me...he told me you had feelings for me.”
    Spike flinches. “Long time ago, Tom Cat.”
    “You didn’t tell me.”
    He narrows his eyes. “You didn’t tell me either.”
    “No, I guess I didn’t. I wanted to, but then Cheyenne came in and you took a liking to her, so I didn’t bother.”
    “I went to her, and I fell in love with her, but she wasn’t what I wanted for myself, Tom Cat. I wanted you, but you wouldn’t give me a god damned inch.”
    “You didn’t think of telling me?” I snap, crossing my arms. “You didn’t think that maybe you should have said something before you just ran off with Cheyenne?”
    “What was the fuckin’ point? You couldn’t fuckin’ see it. I tried, fuck knows I tried, and yet you didn’t see me. I was sick of tryin’. Cheyenne threw herself on me, and I thought what the fuckin’ heck?”
    I feel my body begin to shake. “I didn’t see it, Spike. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to, it was because I was so scared I would ruin everything if you knew how I felt.”
    “Fuck, Ciara, I was constantly with you. I picked you up every motherfuckin’ day, I spent every motherfuckin’ weekend with you, I was there all the time.”
    “I know that!” I cry. “God, Spike, I know you were, okay? I didn’t see it. I was young and I didn’t fucking see it. Then she came along and I stopped believing there was a chance. It wasn’t just on me, or you, it was on us both. We both walked away without telling each other there was so much more to it. I know what I gave up, I know I passed you over to her and I regret it every day.”
    “I don’t regret it, Tom Cat. I loved Cheyenne, and I don’t regret marrying her...bu—”
    I get to my feet, hurt. His words are something I already know, but it’s the way he says them. He grips my arm before I can spin away, and yanks me back down. I land harshly, and attempt to slap his hand away, but his grip is too strong.
    “One fucking moment,” I spit. “One fucking moment can’t go by without her being better. One fucking moment, I’d like to mean a tiny bit more than her. You can’t fucking see it, can you? You walk around with those stupid fucking rose-colored glasses on, unable to see anything she did. I never doubted you loved her Spike, I knew you did. I saw it. I lived it. But for one fucking moment I wish it was me.”
    I jerk my hand out of his grip, and spin, turning to walk off.
    “It was you,” he yells, stopping me in my tracks. “I don’t